


The Unfaithful

by missing_in_action



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cheating, Domestic Violence, EreAnnie, Eremika - Freeform, Explicit Language, F/M, Family Fluff, Implied YumiKuri - Freeform, Marriage, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, tags will be added as story progresses, too much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-23 12:22:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10719279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missing_in_action/pseuds/missing_in_action
Summary: Eren cheats on Mikasa with Annie.





	1. Guilt

Eren’s eyes blurred into someplace he’s never been before. The direct sunlight sitting on his face stung his eyes as he opened it in a sudden jolt of surprise. He can smell the terrifyingly familiar scent from last night, vanilla, maybe?

Something moved beside him and he felt his hand resting on a tiny depression of a… waist? A hand interlaced with his in a soft touch, making him sit bolt upright in a sudden gush of realization. He was supposed to be in an overseas business trip, and there’s no way the person he’s spooning right now is Mikasa. To make it all worse, he saw the mess of clothes strewn across the floor, making him swallow really hard due to fear. It wasn’t just some clothes. It belongs to him and the woman on his side who just stirred in silence. The soft mattress moved as she shifted under the covers. Eren caught a glimpse of blonde strands of hair resting on the pillows which sent him into the farthest corner of the bed.

He remembers now. It’s Annie.

Annie seems startled as she awoke in surprise finding Eren on the opposite edge of the bed, staring at her as if he’s seen a person who’s supposed to be dead a long time ago. She sat upright, gathering the sheets to herself, leaving nothing for the man to cover his nether region apart from his hand.

Eren cannot find the exact words on Annie’s expression as she bore sharp daggers onto him. He remembers it all from last night and he hadn't expected this glare from her, contrary to all the moans and pants she emitted as she screamed his name in pleasure. He’s sure he didn’t screw up in making her happy with all her responses last night, though. Why the hell is she mad?

Something twisted in his gut, reminding him of such a huge sin he’s done to his wife. The moment when Mikasa finds out about this, he’ll most definitely earn the injury he deserves. But to hell with those bruises and cuts he might receive from her. The last thing he’d want to hear is Mikasa’s declaration of leaving him for good. He worked so hard just to get her and was so fortunate enough to wed and make family with her. It was his dream, she was his tantalizing dream that he never thought of reaching. He swore to make her happy. He swore that she will be the only woman in his life no matter what happens. And now, this?

Eren softened his gaze at the woman in front of him, and so did Annie. He has to apologize for being such a rascal who was easily overruled by temptation last night. He has to do what he think is right.

“I’m sorry for dragging you in such a terrible mistake.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he hurried to clothe himself as quickly as possible. His phone laid on the floor, much to his dismay. He really did have fun last night, huh? Shaking his head, he found 22 missed calls and 16 messages, all from Mikasa. She must have been worried to death without him responding. He felt the guilt washing over his body. His wife was worried sick yet here he is, trying to get away from the woman he just had an intense amount of pleasure together last night.

“Eren,”

He heard a soft voice from behind him. Annie was still on the bed, the sheets covered her body as she stared at her hands on the white fabric. Eren couldn’t really figure her expression since she was intentionally hiding her face behind the many strands of her blond locks.

He felt so nervous when he tried to approach her. Why did he have to bump into Annie and do something that was so fucking unacceptable for Mikasa? Why didn’t he think of her last night? What is it that made him do it with Annie?

“I-I’m so sorry.” Was all he could say, fearing one mistake will lead him to his early grave.

To his surprise, he heard her chuckle lightly, her shoulders shook in the rising intensity of laughter. He hadn’t expected such response from her and he wasn’t dumb enough to think that it wasn’t pure sarcasm. Eren was totally clueless in handling situations like this and he felt like a total asshole, which he really is, in the eyes of Annie Leonhardt.

He walked closer but didn’t approach her fully, afraid he might do something he might regret later, whether earning a bruise or a limp by which everyone might question. He’d hate to deal with coming up of some sort of rational explanation instead of simply telling he was beaten up by the woman he had one-night stand with. The best choice he has is to not underestimate her even if she’s stark naked and he’s fully clothed. Engaging in combat with such state will do no good to his marriage, especially knowing the fact that he was in no advantage against her when it comes to strength and tactics.

“You've never changed, Eren.” She said right after gaining her composure, face red with the sudden behaviour. This time, their eyes met and her cerulean orbs felt rather mellow, much to Eren’s relief.

Eren wasn’t really sure if it was supposed to be a compliment or a taunt. Choosing one would be stupid, for it sounded so in-between and he didn’t feel a bit happy about it. His brows furrowed, confused of what she meant.

“You never fail to stimulate me.” She said directly into his eyes, sending electricity down his stomach up to the lower region. Putting her hair behind her ears didn’t help either, for it exposed a glorious amount of milky white skin he remembered sucking last night. Red marks sat on the base of her neck to the valley of her breasts, further downwards, even. And he wasn’t so sure if seeing his work of _art_ was enough for his crotch to tighten under his pants, making it rather hard for him to decide.

He unconsciously stared at her cleavage which slowly reveals her entire breasts the longer he stared. Resisting the urge to take all his undergarments away and pound her again mercilessly was so hard he might break any time soon.

He was so thankful when he received a text message to distract himself away from Annie but unfortunately, his hard-on still persisted.

“I-I should go.” He put his phone on his pocket after reading Mikasa’s text. He plans on calling her back after he gets out of this hole he mistakenly put himself in.

“How could you toy with such a frail girl like me, Eren?” she said so tenderly that her  monotonous voice disappeared in an instant. She stared at him as he stood on the doorway, suitcase clutched on one hand and the other on the doorknob.

He gulped hard, ashamed of her and even to himself. He can’t afford to lose Mikasa just because of the temptation of sex. He can have it all he wants from Mikasa and she wouldn’t even tire herself out, he won’t stop unless he runs dry and seedless. Just her. Only her.

“I hope I won’t be seeing you again.” He didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but he can’t find any words that wouldn’t sting her even a bit. He just didn’t want to see her again. She'd do nothing but to remind him of the sin he did to Mikasa. She'll only complicate everything—put everything at risk.

Annie didn’t peel her gaze away from Eren the entire time. Eren wasn’t so sure if she heard him correctly because she didn’t even falter. The pair of eyes that will forever haunt him after what has been done last night seemed to devour him whole, not letting him twist the knob and silently demanding him to stay with her instead. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard because of his love for Mikasa. No woman should easily hold his attention and make him tight on his crotch other than his wife. It should only be her and no one else.

After a long uncomfortable silence, Eren successfully got out, much to his relief. He thought he saw Annie smirk just before he shut the door. It felt so new to see her smirk for the first time after a few years. Annie Leonhardt never smirks apart from imparting dirty words when they pleasure each other as a couple a few years back.

Eren ran in a speed of a lightning right after he exited the building which looked like an unpopular inn in the heart of the city. He didn’t stop until he felt his phone vibrate on his pocket and remembered about Mikasa.

“Eren?” it wasn’t Mikasa’s voice. It was Armin’s.

“Hello? Where’s—”

“Holy crap, Eren! It’s really you! Do you know Mikasa’s already packed her things and is about to look for you all over Russia!?” Armin barked at him on the other line, his words dangerously fast. Eren was surprised upon hearing Armin swear. He never does, not unless the situation calls for it.

“Did he pick up?” a voice called out from the other line, somewhat worried and excited. It was faint but Eren could tell it was his wife.

Eren slowed down a bit, almost coming into a halt to catch his breathe. Mikasa’s voice really made him nervous that he wanted to confess and apologize hysterically so that he’d be able to get rid of the cruel feeling of guilt that has been bothering him endlessly. It was terrible. But he can’t risk telling her everything. He must be so stupid upon relying to the fact that Mikasa will just probably forgive him so easily but then, he can’t be so sure. He doesn’t ever wanna do something like _that_  once more and hurt Mikasa in the long run.

“Eren? Eren!?” Her voice became a little bit louder. He must have snatched the phone away from Armin.

“I’m fine, Mikasa.” Normally, he would be rolling his eyes, irritated of her _overreaction_ but afterwards he’d feel grateful for having someone worry over him, someone to always go home to. He was grateful he has someone he can call his home.

He didn’t roll his eyes this time. He dropped his head and feel the guilt wash over him.

“I’m so glad.” Eren could imagine Mikasa smiling while stifling her sob in extreme relief. This is so ridiculous. He feels so nervous that he thinks he will lose Mikasa anytime soon.

There was a long pause before any of them could say anything. Eren just listened to Mikasa who was still gaining her composure. It was a torture for him to hear her exhale all the worry away right after hearing his voice.

“Mikasa?”

“Eren, promise me you’ll never do that again.”

Her words had an intense impact on him. He was so paranoid that he thought about asking her how the hell she knew about him and Annie. It was driving him crazy that he couldn’t stand seeing Mikasa on the face. He felt so ashamed for what he has done.

“I’m sorry.”  was all he could say in a cracked voice.


	2. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'You're not telling me something but I'm going to give myself to you, anyway.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to apologize for not putting any notes and the lack of warnings! I must have came off as a very insensitive bastard ugh. Nevertheless, thank you for those who left their feedback on the comment section. You guys motivated me to beat my personal record in writing a hell of a long ass chapter in a fanfic.

The last time Mikasa remembered how much she longed for Eren was about five minutes earlier the moment the arriving passengers started to make their way out of the busy airport. She can feel her heart beating furiously as her eyes searched for any sign of her husband, which took almost half an eternity to show up down the crowded terminal. Eren greeted her with his smile that never fails to take her breathe away each time. Her chest seems to constrict, her heart swelling in joy and excitement.

Mikasa resisted the urge to run towards him and satisfy the painful yearning she had felt for exactly two weeks. Her eyes never left his teal green ones as their distance grew little by little. She waited on her rooted spot, watching Eren walk towards her in a fast pace. It almost looked surreal for her. The sight of Eren walking towards her without the consistency of his furrowed brows felt very soothing. Mikasa was no fan of any kind of fairy-tale but the simple scene unfolding in front of her looks too perfect not to be considered as one.

She didn’t know how much time have passed but after an awfully long moment, she found herself burying her face in his chest. His arms wrapped around her, fingers caressing her locks while she placed both of her hands on his back, rubbing it gently. It was the same exact scent she remembers of him and it was terribly nostalgic. The way his chest felt on her cheeks was a pure bliss and it makes her never to move until she gets enough of him, by which she never does.

“I missed you.” He told her and she can almost feel the unshed tears threatening to fall on her cheeks. She felt his fingers running on her hair and she couldn’t feel any happier.

She looked up to search his face but he’s already looking. The next moment, Eren was leaning towards her, taking her full on the lips. The kiss was short and too gentle, innocent, even. And Mikasa can feel his genuine words through his action.

“Eren,” She gave him a small smile. Eren fixed the stray hair on her face and proceeded on pecking her forehead twice. “I missed you, too.”

“I don’t think she can last one more day without you.”

That’s when Mikasa noticed Eren’s friend and colleague, Reiner Braun, looking at them with a smirk. She acknowledged him, plastering a small smile as he did the same. The couple peeled themselves away from each other and Eren looked a bit disappointed by the sudden loss of body contact with her.

“That’s why I’m telling you to hurry your lazy ass off before we miss our flight.”

Eren looked uneasy at his own words. They’re now walking together, his arm draped on her shoulder and Mikasa has her arm on his waist.

Reiner scoffed at Eren’s response, walking with a huge gap beside him. He eyed each of them before saying, “Well, you can’t blame me for moving the flight the next few hours because I can’t find you anywhere the whole night and I honestly thought you no longer wanted to go home.”

Eren’s grip on her shoulder tightened as soon as Reiner finished his sentence. Mikasa looked at his face and he looked even more uneasy and worried with how he glared at the male blond.

The excitement started to fade away in Mikasa’s system. As much as she doesn’t want to have any doubts toward Eren, she just couldn’t help it. Eren was always so obvious with things that he can’t easily tell her. However, Mikasa remembered giving him all her trust the moment they sealed their marriage and she couldn’t afford to endanger their relationship with any hint of distrust between the two of them. She shrugged the unwanted feeling off and assumed he’s going to tell her soon enough of whatever he’s hiding away from her.

But then, she was able to recall about the commotion earlier in the day. The moment after she sent off their six year old daughter, Carla, to school, she didn’t go straight to her workplace. Her mind was buzzing with all kinds of dangerous ideas about Eren not picking up his phone for eleven hours. She figured all about the time difference between their location and eleven hours wasn’t a good sign for her husband not to pick up. Mikasa didn’t waste any of her time before deciding to call his company and ask for him. She didn’t really care about the possibility of Eren being demoted or fired because of his sudden disappearance outside of work. Indeed, she knew what he’s been up to wasn’t relevant to his work because as far as she could remember, Eren only keeps his phone silent when he’s in business meetings and any work related matters. Despite of the lingering doubt, she just wanted to ensure his safety before anything else.

Mikasa wasn’t able to catch Eren’s response to Reiner. As soon as the latter parted ways with them, telling Eren about the report for the company tomorrow, the atmosphere between the married couple stiffened. It’s almost as if the swelling of Mikasa’s heart was immediately popped out by something sharp and the feeling needs to be tended on as soon as possible. They walked towards their car. Mikasa drove in silence while stealing a few glances on Eren who was seated beside her. He looked like he’s not going to tell her something and is extremely bothered if ever she makes any word.

“How is she?” He asked, not daring to look her way.

“Carla’s alright. Armin stayed in the house to look after her.” She sighed, remembering what happened a few hours earlier. “She was crying when I left.”

“Why didn’t you bring her?”

Mikasa gripped the steering wheel hard, she was still thinking about Reiner’s words from earlier. It may seem irrational for her to think of things that are probably not even real. Her curiosity was getting so painful that she needs immediate answers soon before driving herself insane due to overthinking.

“I don’t want to tire her out. It’s late.” Her answer was cold and short. She knew Eren will have to tell her how he spent the last hours he has in his little trip to Russia, but she however was starting to get impatient with his silence.

There was a short pause before Mikasa asked, “Are you going to tell me what happened when I couldn’t reach you?”

Eren didn’t answer. Their eyes didn’t even meet after leaving the airport up until the ride on their way home. She heard him heave a sigh, she doubts she will get her answer tonight.

“I’m still jet-lagged, Mikasa.”

No words have been imparted between the two of them after his reply. Though it wasn’t much of a long ride to their home, the uncomfortable silence made it twice the lengthy trip when in reality, it just took them a full hour towards reaching their home.

The car came to a full stop as it was parked neatly on their parking lot. It was almost midnight and their house was almost devoid of any source of light apart from the lamp on their front porch. Carla wasn’t used to sleeping with lamps on and Mikasa figured Armin did quite a good job upon keeping her daughter still and safe at night. Their blond friend has volunteered himself into looking after the little girl as Mikasa fetches Eren from the airport. She didn’t really want to bother and tire Carla on the middle of the night since she’s to attend her class earlier in the morning. Her whining and pleas didn’t do her any good in her mother’s firm decision. Carla must have missed her father so much and she’s so disappointed about not being able to go and see Eren again very soon.

Mikasa was surprised by the sudden contact of Eren’s hand on top of hers which was situated on her lap. She looked at him but sadly, his eyes were fixed on the unknown in front of him instead of looking her way. He’s been avoiding her eyes the entire time and it’s making her worry.

“Eren,” she softly muttered, expecting him to look at her immediately but to her dismay, Eren didn’t move a muscle.

“Eren,” she called out again, “Is something wrong?”

He gently shook his head without any words. Mikasa can feel his worry and as a way to console him, she put her other hand on top of his and brought it up close on her cheeks. She felt the warmth of his hand but he was sweating despite of the car’s air-conditioner. She closed her eyes and felt the tingling sensation of Eren being inches away from her, his hands started to caress her face voluntarily and she leaned on his touch. Her eyes were shut and little did she know that Eren was already staring at her.

“I’m extremely bothered, but I don’t want to force any answers from you.” She spoke, gradually opening her eyes and was a bit surprised upon meeting his own. “I know you’re tired and you need rest. That’s what really matters for now.”

“Mikasa,” his eyes softened as he spoke, bringing his other hand on the corners of her eyes. Mikasa wasn’t aware her tears have already accumulated on the edges of her eyes, and she didn’t want to make him worry with her grief.

Eren pulled her closer to him and she snuggled herself on his chest, trying to listen on the beating organ inside of it. She felt his fingers brushing her hair as he kissed the top of her head. It almost looked like he was cradling a very huge baby but the comfort that was starting to come back was way too pleasant to be ignored. This time, she didn’t suppress her tears. A few trail of the salty liquid escaped from her eyes and she thought it wasn’t all just the uncertainty of her trust on Eren. It was also relief, and yearning, and happiness combined as one.

Eren brought her face in front of him. Her vision was blurry with tears that have already gathered on the surface of her sclera. But still, she saw him shut his eyes and put his lips on hers. There was hesitance on his touches but nonetheless, the kiss was slow and soothing. She shut her eyes as well but as she did so, the tears rolled on her cheek. Eren must have tasted her tears for he proceeded on kissing the tip of her nose, her cheeks, up to each of her eyes and towards her forehead. She felt his breathe on her earlobes, as he whispered,

“Do you know how much I missed you, Mika?”

His endearment for her emerges whenever they become intimate with each other. She felt her heart flutter in joy upon hearing him say it, plus the feeling of his lips brushing against the skin of her ears. She couldn’t really ask for anything else right at this very moment. Oh how she missed Eren so much that she wished time would stop for the both of them, snuggled within one another. Just like this, drowned in their own moment of peace as they become one with each other.

She kissed his neck, smiling on her own while inhaling his scent. It was her way of responding just how much she has been longing for his touches, and they have yet to catch up with the painful two weeks that they weren’t together. Even with their long years of marriage, Eren never fails to fill thousands of butterflies inside her stomach no matter how plain it may sound. And speaking of stomach, she has to ensure if he’s even eaten the whole day.

She pulled away from him and finally met his gaze. There was a hint of worry in his eyes and a mix of other emotions that she couldn’t tell the reasons why. Despite all those, she can feel his genuine words so she managed a smile and asked,

“Are you hungry? Come, I’ve prepared a meal for you.”

She squeezed his hand as she opened the car door. As soon as she got out of the car, she saw him standing at the opposite side of it, looking at the dark house in front. Mikasa brought all the keys from the gate to the doors because she didn’t really want to wake Armin up, considering his efforts upon looking after Carla are painstakingly more than enough.

“Thanks,” Eren kissed the top of her shoulders as she re-heated the food in the kitchen. His arms snaked on her waist as he hugged her from behind. She heard the sound of his smooching lips in contact of her skin and if she were a teenage girl, she would have gone insane just because of the sound of it.

“It’s not much. You haven’t eaten anything, have you?” she turned to him, putting her arms on his shoulders. She cupped the back of his head and pushed him closer to her face, their foreheads resting against each other.

“Yes, but I’m not that hungry.” He said smiling, “I’m just glad I’d get to eat with my wife again.”

Mikasa chuckled, trying to brush away that fluttering feeling inside of her that keeps on recurring, “Eren, we both know you’re hungry.”

“The sight of you makes me feel that different kind of hungry.” He smirked, and Mikasa couldn’t resist the swelling of her heart in bliss.

In response, she made a straight face and sent daggers all over him. She gently pushed him away, maintaining a deadpanned expression.

“Not tonight. There are lots of things we need to talk about.”

Eren stiffened. Mikasa was rather upset about the dangerous idea that’s been hovering around her the entire time. Eren’s responses made it rather suspicious, and shrugging the stupid thought away makes it even harder for her.

The microwave oven made its signal which caught their attention. Mikasa searched for the potholder beside the hanging utensils on the kitchen walls. Eren took it and gave it to her with a warm smile.

“And we both know you can’t resist me, Mika.” He playfully hugged her, putting his face on the top of her head.

"Well, Reiner wasn’t right about me not being able to last one more day without you."

"Yeah, yeah, and you definitely didn’t cry just because you miss me so much."

Mikasa gave him a silent snort as a reply as she accompanied Eren with his late dinner, being fed by him every once in a while (although she already had her dinner earlier). He kept on asking her about her entire two weeks which wasn’t really out of ordinary. She thought about how tired he must have been. The flight was really long and she hates to think how worn out his body has become. That’s the other reason why she doesn’t want to do  _it_  with him tonight. Eren rarely ever ask her directly though her clear answers confirmed what he was actually going on about. Knowing Eren, he wants everything to be fair with the both of them. His queries about her served as a reassurance that he will have to talk about what happened to him the entire weeks he was gone in exchange of telling him what happened to hers.

Eren did the dishes while Mikasa watched him from the countertops, hand on her cheek and elbow perched on the smooth surface. Her eyes rested on his back as she overthought of all the possible answers he might give her. She wasn’t really sure when she became so hot when all of a sudden, Eren was already hugging her from behind, a mischievous smirk plastered on his face.

He cupped her breasts while biting her neck, sending red and wet marks on her skin. Eren was so full of guilt that every time he touches her, he felt like apologizing for what he has done. He can’t really do that. He doesn’t want to harm their marriage and what happened between him and Annie better off stay on its own place back in Russia. That wasn’t much of a choice for him, though. He hates lying to her because in fact, he can see how Mikasa can easily read him. He knows how bothered she is. She must have been overthinking herself to death right now despite of her _still_ cool demeanour.

“E-eren,” she gasped when he squeezed her soft breasts, cheeks red in astonishment by the sudden contact.

Of all people who knows how his wife tends to become stoic and extremely passive most of the times, Eren can’t help but be impressed by the many emotions Mikasa Ackerman-Yeager could show. And he considers himself lucky by being the only person who could see her blush madly, breathe hitches in the overwhelming pleasure he does to her body.

Mikasa didn't have the opportunity to moan his name again when he took her lips. She craned her neck to reach him, eyes shut as they massaged each other’s mouth. The kiss wasn’t too gentle this time nor was it too slow for their own good. His tongue started to wander on the insides of her cave as they both moaned at the same time. It was a long moment until he pulled away and caught his breathe. Mikasa knew her levels of physical advancement against him, but she sure has an entire reservoir of strength and energy and oxygen inside of her. She could kiss him nonstop without panting for breathe just like what he does every time.

Her cheeks started to become hot as she saw a trail of saliva from the edges of his mouth. She stirred for a bit as he felt his body pressed closely against her and she could feel his bulging crotch from behind.

“Can we do _it_ tonight?” He whispered against her lips. She felt his breathe on hers and she didn’t want to do anything other than be held by him and do things together only the two of them can share.

She turned her body towards him and pressed herself against his, licking his lower lip for a solid minute. Eren was turned on by the same old habit she had picked up from their first night together. She was like a kitten that carefully checks on its partner before mating with them. But Eren perfectly knows she does that out of pleasure alone.

“Let’s go inside.”

It happened almost too fast when Eren carried her bridal style and put her on the soft mattress of their bed. He imprisoned her by his lean arms, kissing her on the base of her neck. She moaned as she suddenly felt his finger touching the waistband of her jeans, pushing it downwards together with her panties. His lips again settled on hers, hands travelling on her lower region. She gasped when he found the protruding flesh in her middle. His thumb fondled with it while he inserted a finger inside of her.

She squirmed by the sudden contact and she almost pulled away from Eren. He looked so dedicated that even she wasn’t able to break their lip apart from one another. He trailed kisses on her jaw as he lifted her shirt upwards, placing light kisses on her toned stomach. His finger inside of her started to move, pulling and pushing until he added another digit, keeping up with the same pace.

“Ah… Eren,” she said breathlessly, back arching in pure bliss. She sounded breathless as she continued to moan. Her painful longing sure had been paid off just by waiting for him almost impatiently.

Mikasa has both of her hands pulling on Eren’s hair as he inserted his third finger. She stifled her cries of pleasure but instead let out a low moan. She didn’t want to wake Armin or Carla up but Eren was too good in making her become so loud in the zenith of pleasure she couldn’t even think straight.

She felt his tongue replacing the thumb on her sensitive little elongated flesh. His hand on her insides didn’t slow down while his other hand was stretching the skin on the inside of her thigh, keeping her quivering limb in place.

“Hnngh… Keep going, I’m almost the-re ah…”

Eren did what he was told. He licked the right side of her liplike organ and proceeded on the left. He caressed her with his tongue while his fingers repeated its push and pull motion in a faster pace until she came on his face. She immediately muffled her scream by biting her lower lip. Eren moved towards her, kissing her fully to help her lower down her noises. Instead, the room was replaced by the sound of their wet lips clashing against each other, their teeth clanging softly in their exchange.

Eren smiled at her, kissing her neck which was still clad by her shirt.

Mikasa helped him unclothe her completely. She was now lying on the bed with no clothes on, her hands on either side of her, her nether region wet by the latest encounter with Eren’s mouth and fingers.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself as he couldn’t get enough of the beautiful sight laid out just for him. His manhood was already stiff and hard beneath his jeans and he wasn’t so sure if he could hold out much longer.

Eren started to strip himself, starting off with his top, to unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants and underwear at the same time. He saw her gaping mouth, probably surprised at how erect his member has become. It had been so fucking painful for him the entire time his clothes pushed on his sensitive organ.

“Eren,” she called out his name, staring at his face that was still visible in the night, thanks to the moonlight and streetlamps that served as their source of light behind the curtains. “Take me now.”

His smirk made him look like a famous celebrity and Mikasa just couldn’t fathom how handsome her man is.

He hovered above her, sucking on her breast while his other hand fondled the other. His erected manhood brushed against the outer part of her canal. She can feel its head on her abdomen while the shaft grinded on her slit, blissfully annoying her clit. His balls are constantly hitting her opening every time he grinds hard against her.

“Ah- Stop… Stop teasing! Ah… Eren…”

“Hn… Doesn’t it feel good, Mikasa?” he asked, his face levelled her own as he continued on grinding their genitals. He winced by the hard pressure of his own organ against hers. Damn was it all too painful and glorious at the same time.

“Ah… It does. Please, Eren. Inside…”

He stopped almost immediately by her request. He took his member and tried to stick its head on Mikasa’s entrance, it was so tight and he was having a hard time to bury himself in her hole. He was halfway inside of her when she cringed in pain. It was extremely painful even if they already did it more than a hundred times. Perhaps sex deprivation in two weeks’ time led her into this.

“Are you okay?” he stopped, searching her face in the midst of incomplete darkness.

“Yeah, go on, Eren.”

He moved another inch inside but he stopped again after hearing her yelp in pain.

“Look, Eren. It’s not like this is our first time. Stop acting like it—ah!”

She was getting impatient. She wanted to overcome the pain and get on the pleasurable side of making love already. Mikasa wanted to make up on his erected member to loosen the burden he was carrying the entire time. To her relief, Eren finally complied and buried his throbbing member fully inside of her. He waited as she moaned because of the tingling sensation. It was painful, but after his long member was completely stuck inside of her, she felt extremely happy about being one with him again. He was like the missing puzzle piece that has been found and is now completely dominating over her body.

Mikasa put her hands on his neck as she breathed on his ear to move. He did so in an instant, his pace ascending over the course of their satisfaction. He growled her name and was commenting about how tight she was despite experiencing child birth on this very same spot. She can’t help but smile and moan at the same time as she meet his thrusts. Her fingers dug on the skin of his back, almost peeling it out of its flesh.

However, she felt something different; traces of fingernails that became a shape of small wounds were on his back which apparently wasn’t that of her own. She paused for a bit, then decided on concentrating on the real situation at hand.

She shrugged the unwanted feeling again. No, it might just be her imagination. It might not even be fingernails at all.

“Ah… You’re fucking impossible.”

Eren continued on his thrusts as he captured her lips. Their tongues danced together and to her surprise, their lips weren’t even involved this time. It was just their tongues reaching out for one another, exchanging saliva and soon enough, Mikasa devoured him whole, dominating him by the lips while he dominates her on the lower part of their pushing and pulling genitals.  

“Hnngh… Ah! Let’s cum together, Mikasa!”

The couple has long practiced the art of coming together. After deep numerous thrusts, Mikasa was already on her edge. One moment, she felt Eren’s member on the verge of spilling all its loads inside of her but in an instant, Eren’s face turned into a complete frown.

He was bothered. He has always loved being one with Mikasa, sharing the gushing heat of ecstasy within one another. But then the guilt and frustration once again caught up within his mind, ruining his long awaited orgasm in an instant. His eyebrows involuntarily scrunched, worried of her reaction.

He was still thrusting deep and hard, determined to spill himself inside of her. She must have sensed his frustrations for she hugged him tightly, their torsos attached within one another. Mikasa meets with his thrusts and soon, she felt the insurmountable amount of pleasure kicking in. She was nearing her orgasm but with all her might, she tried to suppress it just to keep up with Eren’s.

“AH---I can’t hold it any longer!” she screamed in gritted teeth, her head dangling backwards in response to her approaching spillage of ecstasy.

Mikasa arched her back the instant she felt her juices squirt around Eren's shaft. She was relieved after letting out all of herself around him, even for a person like her, it was extremely hard to resist her body’s demand.  

Eren dropped his body on hers, and she accepted the fall. He nuzzles himself on the crook of her neck, hiding his blatant frustration. She massaged his hair, fingers roaming on his scalp. Eren wished she wouldn’t stop. It felt too comforting and shameful at the same time but to his disappointment, her hands stopped caressing him. He was a failure. Never in his entire life has he ever been ashamed of his sex performance.

“You’re just tired.” She kissed his temple, hands studying his back again.

Eren would certainly beat himself up in absolute disgust. How could he do something so cruel to the person he vowed to love until forever lasts? He should have thought a million times before touching Annie. Now, he’s in despair, drowned in guilt, tension, and disappointment. It shouldn’t be this way. He considered telling Mikasa everything and just get on with it but then, there's a huge part of him that keeps on resisting  the risk on destroying their relationship.

Mikasa slipped herself out from underneath his body after pulling his long and huge member out of her hole. It was no longer completely erect, unlike before. It pains her to see Eren being troubled of something she has no perfect knowledge about.

Eren was about to ask her where she was going but decided to drop his question off. He laid on his back, arms on his forehead as he watched her naked figure bending down to gather their clothes from the floor.

Damn, he's getting excited again just by looking at her plentiful and inviting ass.

Eren decided he’s going to put up with everything. He really needed to make up with his unpleasant behaviour in bed earlier, to save his manly pride at least.

Eren never left his eyes off her. He thought she’d be fine with just one more round.

Mikasa reached for Eren’s underwear under the vanity. She wouldn’t want Carla to walk on their bedroom with clothes sprawled out all over the floor, and the two of them both naked on the bed. She was surprised upon feeling a pair of hand squeezing her butt cheeks. Eren’s hot breathe came in contact with her nape.

“You wouldn’t mind if I take you from behind, right?”

Mikasa wasn’t really one to object her husband’s wishes in bed. A few seconds later, the room was muffled with moans and cries of each other’s names, stifling themselves by kissing and biting each other once in a while.

Her hands rested on the vanity for support while Eren banged her from behind. He thought it was better he couldn’t see Mikasa’s pleasured and aroused face just to be greeted by guilt. Now that his mind couldn’t easily be stirred up from spilling his seeds all over, everything seems to be going well.

“Eren… Agh!”

Mikasa could feel her weakening knees as they both neared the peak of their pleasure. Eren groaned in extreme arousal, his hands gripping tightly the depression of her small waist. He left kisses and bite marks on her back and shoulders as he rode her, skins slapping with each contact they made.

“I’m cumming!” He groaned, the pace of his hips ascended in pure bliss.

“I’m safe, come inside.” She replied in muffled moans.

Eren wouldn’t really mind impregnating her again but they haven’t talked and planned with any of that. He wished she wasn’t safe, though. He has been asking for another baby but for some reason, it seems like Mikasa wasn’t yet ready for more.

After a few hard thrusts, Eren growled in ecstasy while Mikasa let out a long cry as her whole body quivered in pleasure, toes curling in the zenith of their satisfaction. Eren thought she might fall on all fours given the fact that her knees are already shaking in sexual stimulation. He pulled himself from her, his member was limp and was coated by both of their liquids.  

She stood up right after gathering her composure in an instant just to be held by Eren, kissing her in between heavy pants. She wasn’t out of breathe but she could tell that he’s already on his limits. She pushed him on their soft mattress and detached her mouth away from him, staring at him lovingly like she’ll never get enough of him. She figured he had been so fond of kissing her lately and he rarely ever does that. Each time after making love, his body slumps beside her, whispering sweet nothings and kissing her forehead to seal their heated session.

They settled themselves beside one another, his hand cupping her breasts as he kissed the top of her shoulder. She turned on her side to face him, giving him a small smile. She pecked the tip of his nose and placed a hand on his back, studying the mark of the fingernails again.

“Mikasa,”

She looked at him straight in the eyes, her hands still roaming on his back. He had scratches all over his skin from behind and Mikasa couldn’t think of any kind of explanation for that.

“You’re the only woman who makes me feel this way.”

If she were to be honest, she finds it very strange for Eren to act that way. He must have done something so terrible to be like this. Sure, he  _does_ tell her things but this time, it sounded like an apology. Mikasa didn’t want to jump to any sort of conclusion. Still, she was sure Eren would tell her everything. She trusts and loves him so much that doubting him becomes a sin for their marriage.

And accusing Eren would be the last thing she’ll ever do to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell, this is my first smut ever and I hope nobody's going to kill me with this crappy writing.


	3. Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Annie finally meets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm back with another chapter. I honestly suck at author's notes but you're all free to tell me what you guys think! :D Thankyou for taking your time to read! :) and hearing more of your thoughts about this fic motivates me a lot.  
> Have fun reading!

Given the fact that it’s always a day off after a business trip, Eren would normally sleep off the rest of the morning right after going through a day’s worth of travel. But this time, his brain seems to defy all his exhaustion and think of a sensible excuse that would appear believable to Mikasa.

His eyes roamed his surroundings. Beside him, his wife was sleeping on her back, eyelashes entertaining him like that of palm fronds. Long, thick, and astoundingly graceful even on standby. Her breathe was slow and almost inaudible which apparently gives Eren a chilling notion that his wife actually looked dead.

He raked his fingers through his hair, remembering the fact that she’s always like this. Mikasa looked so peaceful that anyone who sees her asleep would believe she’s already found her peace. He has to remind himself that this ridiculously beautiful yet terrifying figure of hers is a normal thing and that there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

Eren has to free his concern by snaking his arm around her waist, snuggling closer to her warm and naked body with the hopes of not waking her up. But damn, this is Mikasa we’re talking about and there’s no way she wouldn’t be awake in a matter of seconds with his strong movement.

“Hey,” she said, running her fingers through his hair as she felt his cheek resting on her sternum.

“Sorry for waking you up.”

“Morning, Eren.” She kissed the top of his head before adding, “It’s okay. I have to make breakfast soon, anyway.”

Eren raised his head, Mikasa’s eyes still looked droopy but he can tell she’s not going back to sleep after being woken up. He rose to kiss her forehead and greeted her ‘good morning’, earning a slightly visible blush from her. Goodness, he loves all of Mikasa’s reactions but he couldn’t stop wondering when will his wife ever be used to all of his touches without blushing like mad? It’s not like they haven’t done things beyond that simple act.

He got out of bed, dressing himself completely and preparing himself to another lie he just came up with just a few hours prior.

 

* * *

 

“Eren, did you promise your daughter anything?”

Mikasa gave out her impassive gaze boring at her husband who was smiling sheepishly across the room. He was seated on the couch, watching a news program early in the morning while she cooked in the kitchen, only showing up on the doorway to pop the question.

“She wouldn’t shut up about when you’ll be back and I thought something’s going on without me knowing.”

His sheepish smile broke into a grin, pursing his lips afterwards as he conveyed his guilt.

“Nothing ever gets past you, do you know that?”

Mikasa made her way to the sizzling pan in the kitchen, tending to the omelette which was already emitting the scent she was long waiting for. She answered right back, but she seemed to be talking to herself than to her husband who wasn’t even in the same room as her.

“I know. At least, I hope so.”

She immediately sensed his presence behind her in the same manner he did last night. Eren’s arms settled on the curve of her waistline, hugging her from behind while peppering kisses on her shoulder and neck. She smiled at the contact of his lips on the cold and thin chains of the necklace he gave her this morning. According to him, it was the reason why he was out of reach the entire time in his last hours of his business trip. His answer was vague but he made it sure he was having a hard time to choose his perfect gift. It was supposed to be a surprise for their upcoming anniversary but he couldn’t stand the apparent worry in her eyes so he decided it would be better to spoil his surprise rather than be in a tight intervention with her. Because really, as what he have said, nothing really ever gets past her.

Or so she thought.

“Smells good,” he said, inhaling her scent that was combined by his own last night.

“You must have been eating junk these past weeks.”

Eren chuckled against Mikasa’s neck, amused of how dense his wife is. He held her tighter on his own body as he watched the spatula on her hand dancing with the scrambled egg mixed with spices.

“I had free and fancy meals. The food was heavenly and I wish you were there with me.” He said, letting go of her as she reached for the plate, putting the food on the smooth white porcelain. “But nothing beats the home cooked food of a perfect wife like you.”

“Really, Eren? I thought you said I’m different.” She said, hiding the small smile that never left her face as she turned her back on him.

“There’s someone like you.” His voice became serious this time, not leaving any room for any kind of joke, “Did I ever mention that you remind me of my mom?”

Mikasa’s face fell, her shoulders tensed at the mention of his mother. She knew where this topic leads to. Despite of the fact that Eren’s managed to bear the trouble of hearing and saying his own daughter’s name with his mother’s namesake, it’s still a challenge for him to talk about his mom. Years flew by rather quickly but Mikasa can tell her husband hasn’t completely gotten over with the death of his mother. Not when he witnessed how her life was taken away from her in front of his eyes. It definitely isn’t something one can get over with, and time isn’t much of a healer when the memory that keeps on haunting you isn’t even winding down the least bit.

“You did.” She replied, frozen on her spot. She placed the food on the table, together with the other utensils but the topic was a drawback for her to face him at the moment. She wasn’t ready to see him look so miserable, after all those long years. “You did, Eren.”

Nothing could ever make her happier with the thought of her beloved husband being reminded of his mother. It is such a great privilege to be a constant reminder of Carla, who was indeed a perfect mother and a loving wife for her family. However, part of her feels guilty of being somebody who reminds Eren of his deceased mother once in a while. It must have been an everyday torture for him.

She couldn’t stand not looking his way. His head was hung low, eyes staring languidly on the floor. Mikasa moved towards him, cupping his face on her slippery hand (which was most likely because of the oil and the spices on the food she was preparing. Gross. But she didn’t care.), piercing her gaze on his pair of green ones.

“No greater compliment could ever make a woman happy other than be reminded of her husband’s loving mother.” Their foreheads touched, her eyes shut as she felt the intensity of their closeness. Regardless of her delicate words, she couldn’t help but wonder about the negative side.

He did not answer, but the silence around them was comfortable. They just stood there, Mikasa’s hands travelled on the back of his head while their foreheads touched. His hands found the curvature of her waist again, running his fingers on the fabric of her clothes. It was more like listening with each other’s thoughts, with no words needed to impart.

“Would it be better if I weren’t such a bittersweet reminder of her, Eren? Would it be easier for you?”

As much as she didn’t want the bugging thought to escape her lips, Mikasa finds it hard to just keep her curiosity upon herself.

Eren’s grip on her waist tightened, his brows furrowed as he looked at her like she just said something ridiculous.

“Life’s so much easier when you’re around.” He pulled away, “I can’t believe we’re having this kind of conversation in our eighth year of marriage, Mikasa.”

Mikasa wonders if he was aware he’s being very sweet right now. His answer was short but she’d be dense and stupid not to understand what he just said.

“I don’t want you to be sad, is all.”

Eren plastered a small smile and soon proceeded on tugging her soft black hair, “Making a family with you has always been my dream, Mikasa. I couldn’t be any happier.”

He pulled her into a tight hug, rubbing her back as he inhaled her scent. Indeed, Mikasa is different, incomparable to any other woman he knows. She’s the only one who can manage to obliterate the ever fiery anguish he has during the times when he can’t even manage himself. Nothing could make him happy than have someone stand by his side no matter what the situation is. Indeed, he couldn’t be any happier.

“Though I wish for an Eren Jr soon.” He whispered with a smirk.

Mikasa pushed him away with a glare. She was getting uncomfortable but perhaps the way Eren delivered the message was the reason of her flushed cheeks and warm ears. She darted her eyes away from his, trying to push him again. Goodness knows how wretched she is when it comes to those things. Eren rarely ever asks her about having another baby, at least not in a kitchen this early in the morning.

Eren stumbled a little bit backwards with her strength, chuckling softly as he put his hands on the air like an act of surrendering to authority.

Either Mikasa was very good at hiding what she truly felt or Eren was becoming a massive dense of an asshole he is. Again.

“I’d fight you somewhere else, babe, not here. Can’t have all the kitchenware be thrown at me, I know you so damn well.”

“I can fight bare-handed.”

“You always go easy on me, Mikasa. I wish you were a little rougher.”

Mikasa was about to retort but a glimpse of unmoving blonde caught her peripheral vision. She turned on the doorway to see Armin leaning on the doorframe looking at them with blithe. He didn’t look like he just arrived.

“I wasn’t listening for too long but really, I thought you guys would never notice me.”

“Armin!” Eren moved to his best friend’s side, tapping his back like he’s never seen him in a long while.

To which Armin responded with, “Good morning to you, too, Eren.”

“Here, Armin. Let’s eat breakfast together.” Mikasa said as she catered on the round dining table, putting numerous flavours of jams and sandwich spreads on the centre. Goodness knows whatever Carla’s mood for flavour will be this morning.

Eren went upstairs soon after announcing he’ll go and pick Carla from her bedroom. The girl wakes up by herself more often than not and Eren actually hopes she’s already awake. That way, he might spare the trouble by having to deal with her extreme reluctance in waking up. On the positive side, she might become a little too enthusiastic with Eren’s arrival.

He heard footsteps coming his way just before reaching the top of the stairs. His mouth pulled into a wide smile upon seeing a younger version of Mikasa running right at him with a big grin. He received Carla into his arms, moving slightly away from the edge of the stairway, just to be safe.

“You’re back!” Carla said with a big toothy smile. “Papa! You’re back!”

“Yes, I know. Have you been a good girl to mama?”

“Hmmm,” she placed her thumb and forefinger on her chin, pretending to think really hard. “Yeeees?”

Carla’s enthusiasm glimmered in her pair of teal green eyes, reflecting the same exact copy of her father’s own. Eren rubbed the top of her black hair, chuckling in response.

“Took you long enough to decide, I doubt it.”

“Mama got really pissed when I wouldn’t stop asking her about how babies are made.” Her brows scrunched a little, nervously thinking about what made her mother so upset about it.

“What?” Eren asked in surprise and utter amusement, he laughed so loud which confused Carla even more.

“She only answered step one.”

Eren froze in surprise. Mikasa couldn’t have told her that step one’s all about kissing and taking all the clothes off, could she? Really though, his curious little child shouldn’t be exposed to such things. She can’t learn it so early and eventually share her knowledge and might _perform_ in an early age, oh God forbid.

“She said that when two people are in love, everything else follows? I don’t understand so I kept asking her what’s next. After that, she got pissed.”

Man, Mikasa’s still very sensitive with babies and childbirth. Not in sex, the actual process of making a baby but by bearing a child in her womb. Eren can’t help but feel a pang in his chest as he remembered the painful reason behind her reaction. Mikasa might be strong but her experience took a toll on her emotions. But for the sake of his inquisitive little daughter in front of him, he beamed in response, hoping she’ll drop the topic until the right time.

He also felt a little guilty. How dare he ask for another baby earlier? How fucking insensitive of him.

“Papa!?” Carla was now hopping on her place, their topic gradually slipping.

“Okay, Sweetie. How about we make a deal?” Eren received her approval as he proceeded, “Today, we’re going to adopt a pet and… wait, hey,”

Eren has to calm Carla down as she squeaked in joy, big green eyes paired with a wide and happy grin. After all, that’s what he’s promised her before leaving abroad. It actually makes sense that Carla certainly took after his energy and enthusiasm. She took all her other features on Mikasa, and she totally looked exactly like her mother, apart from the colour of her eyes. Though it’s pretty weird to imagine the real little Mikasa jumping in joy with an everlasting energy.

“Can we get a kitty and call it Micatsa? Or Meowkasa? Or Meowcatsa?”

“I’ve done it before and your mother’s pissed as hell,” He chuckled, “But we’ll be fine.”

Eren proceeded on his deal as he watched his daughter grinning from ear to ear.

“About the deal, we’ll get you a cat and you promise never to ask your mother about how babies are made or anything about babies, alright?”

Carla’s large and glinting eyes narrowed for a bit, she stood in her place as she cocked her head in confusion.

“Why not?”

Eren sighed inwardly. He knew how inevitable and unpredictable children can be but he has to do something to prevent Carla from unintentionally hurting her mother with her ignorance.

“You see, we’re still sad about your brother, aren’t we all?”

Carla’s grin died out in an instant. Her head hung low in sadness. Oh damn, what a start of a happy morning for her, of all people who can be such a jerk this early, Eren has to be that person.

 

* * *

 

It was supposed to be a fine morning for Mikasa, who was unaware of any kind of surprise coming her way. She's never one to easily show her emotions but if she could name the kind of feeling she has right now, it would be extreme astonishment.

Her dark grey orbs clashed with the ever familiar baby blue eyes of the woman standing in front of her, sporting the same exact uninterested gaze she has known in the past. Mikasa felt the need to say a greeting, but the other person was already talking when she was about to do so.

“It’s quite a surprise to see you here, of all places.”

Mikasa assumed this kind of encounter should at least flash a small amount of excitement inside of her. It has been a very long time ever since, and staring at the cold pair of eyes of a person she once considered her friend felt so strange yet refreshing.

It was her.

Annie Leonhardt

Their eyes never left each other. Mikasa sighed inwardly considering the fact that indeed, it was a surprise for the both of them to run into each other in the old kindergarten where they first met.

“Annie,” Mikasa managed to say, boring through her scrutinizing gaze.

Annie scanned her surroundings, the anterior part of the school was packed with arriving cars with parents and guardians towing over their kids. She searched for any hint of Mikasa’s kid and husband but to no avail, she eyed the raven haired woman instead.

“Never heard anything about you these past few years but the thought of you getting married and having a family comes off a bit shocking.”

Mikasa smirked a little, remembering their inconsistence when it comes to friendship and rivalry. Their relationship wasn’t the average type. In fact, their kind of interaction may appear unfriendly to the eyes of other people but then, their type of closeness was rather a strange mixture of sarcasm, contempt, rivalry, and trust. She doesn’t know where that trust in the past came from but instead of having a circle of loud and fake friends that might eventually ruin their lives, they chose to be drawn by one another’s likeness.

Never have they considered each other their best friend, but in a closer context, their type of friendship was the deepest platonic bond the both of them have managed to achieve.

Well, that’s in the past. It has been a long time since they’ve seen one another. Indeed, it might come off as a surprise for Annie to believe that her friend’s handled any kind of romantic relationship since her impassive expressions never really encouraged any guy to make a move on her.

“I can say the same thing for you.”

“No, you can't.” Annie’s lips tugged into a thin line “This husband of yours must have gone through a lot of igniting that heart of ice.”

Mikasa was a little taken aback by her mocking smile. The both of them sure have to catch up with the many years of not seeing each other, let alone hearing any news about the other. They have been so busy with their own lives now and indeed, it was a great surprise to come across each other’s path.

Mikasa and Annie are childhood frenemies. They entered the same kindergarten up until middle school. With unknown invisible force trying to keep them together, they share the same class all throughout their younger years. However, fate loosened its hold towards them and kept them apart. Annie transferred to a quieter place as she entered high school. She lived in the outskirts of the city near the woods just so she could tend to her weakening grandfather, playing her role as the most favoured granddaughter that she was. But in all honesty, departing from her old life in the city wasn’t much of a favour for her.

“I wonder what you’re up to, wondering around like a tourist in a place where you used to live in.” Mikasa retorted.

“Who knows? After all, it’s been a very long time.”

Mikasa chuckled dryly; her amusement never reached her eyes. “You don’t look like the sentimental type.”

Annie crossed her arms across her chest, giving the same amount of intensity as Mikasa’s stare. Things didn’t really change between the two of them and it better off stay that way.

“Why don’t you introduce me to your family, Mikasa?” Annie’s eyes searched through the crowd “You don’t look like the motherly type, let alone wife material.”

Mikasa’s eyes narrowed. Their _friendly_ sarcasm seem inappropriate now for their age. It shouldn’t be that way. But if she insists in keeping the same silly kind of bond they have in the past, then there’s no way she’d back down.

Mikasa’s words were hot and ready on the tip of her tongue. She can see that glint of amusement in Annie’s eyes but the moment her daughter ran to her direction, Annie turned a little softer at the new sight unfolding before her.

“Mama!”

Mikasa levelled her face with Carla’s as she rubbed her raven hair.

“Eat your lunch and never waste food, alright? Papa’s going to pick you up after school.”

Mikasa tried her hardest to ignore the ever taunting presence of her long-time friend. She wasn’t so sure if she can handle Annie’s remarks unlike in the past, but then she’s confident enough to counter each and every provocation when it comes down to it.

Carla jumped in joy upon hearing Mikasa’s announcement. She kissed her mother’s cheeks as an indication for her to leave but as soon as she noticed the blonde woman with blue eyes who appeared to be standing before them, the little girl’s cheeks flared in awe.

“Ma, who is she?”

Mikasa spared a glance at Annie and plastered a smile to Carla, “Just a friend, sweetie.”

“Why does she look like Uncle Armin? Can I say hi to her?”

Mikasa straightened herself as she chuckled ever so softly on Carla’s words. She wasn’t so sure how to explain the uncanny similiraty with Annie’s and Armin’s looks. It's not that Carla rarely ever sees blonde people.

“Go and say hi to Aunt Annie.” She patted the top of Carla’s head as the girl grinned in delight.

As soon as she skipped towards Annie, the woman was already staring at her in disbelief, meeting the little girl’s teal green orbs that reminded Annie of the only person she knows to possess such eye colour as the little kid.

“Hi, my name is Carlene Yeager, but you can call me Carla.”

Mikasa have to blink twice with the look of shock on Annie’s face. She was frozen on her spot, trying to absorb Carla’s words that must have terrified her. She can’t help but wonder why Annie’s making such a silent fuss on Carla’s name. Her blonde friend was the most inexpressive person she’s ever known apart from herself and Levi but it totally sparked an outrageous surprise inside of Mikasa.

Then there was a little idea inside her head. Annie and Eren must have known each other. What a surprise for a first encounter after a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little tribute to Carla Yeager for Mother's day. *sobs
> 
> PS: While writing little girl Carla, I was inspired by Mikasa + cat puns I've seen in tumblr posts. Lol
> 
> Up next: *whispers* More Annie


	4. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was numbness. It feels so strange. That kind of feeling where you’d rather choose to be in so much pain than to feel nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are any of you guys interested with what happened between Annie and Eren? How could Annie easily accept that mistress kind of role? We know she's better than that *rolls eyes*  
> Sorry for the OOC. They're supposed to be really mature, sorry for the injuctice, agh

The first puff of smoke escaping from her lips manifested her frustration. She couldn’t wish anything more than to immediately end this stupid day which brought her nothing but bad news.

Starting a rough morning, she awoke by a pleading call, delivering news she wished she never heard. She saw the day where her father would finally seek her, where he would finally be sorry for all the wickedness he has done for her. Her dad has always been a very strict and conventional man. Due to old age, he probably softened up just a little bit. Even just a tad bit of gentleness that she never, in her entire life has ever witnessed.

He needs her right now. The news of her father suffering from dementia couldn’t possibly touch just the slightest bit of the little emotion she has managed to accumulate just for him.

But she felt otherwise, much to her surprise.

She heaved a sigh, sucking another lungful of spite and menthol. The ashes at the end of her cigarette lightened up as she continued to suck. She wished she’d never stop. Not until her lungs burst out, the nasty taste of smoke occupying her insides and never to escape.

Her body’s such a disobedient little bitch, though. No matter how she tries to hold her breathe and destroy the last remaining healthy nerves inside her lungs, she’s always pushed to the edge of exhaling.

Exhaling all the uncertainty and worry she was feeling right now.

She rolled her eyes. Like that’s even possible with just a second cigarette stick.

The cool evening breeze fanned her face when she dropped the last remaining part of the uncoloured cigar. The sole of her foot met its glowing end, removing the fire that eats away the rest of the stick.

Oh how she wished she could stomp all her problems flat just like that.

Annie fixed her eyes forward. Moscow isn’t one of the quietest parts of the world but finding her peace on the top of a 50-story building with the glimmering city lights before her eyes was breath-taking. Even the clogging yet reassuring presence of nicotine was gone in an instant, temporarily emanating all the toxic thoughts in her mind.

Her mind wandered aimlessly. She remembered how she glared begrudgingly at the heavy metal doors waiting to be opened in a conference room intended for a business meeting, which involves all their selected branch personnels all over the world. As much as she hated to face yet another of those unfamiliar faces boasting around their own divisions in a particular country, she couldn’t help but respond to her growing irk. Damn, those shitheads might as well know their own place because after all, they’re in the main branch of the huge company that they are working for.

Annie reached for her coat to take another stick from the packet that she was carrying, a memory of a special person showed up inside her mind. She was haunted _yet again_ by the person she thought she’d never fear seeing.

Once her hand pushed the heavy metal doors of the conference room earlier, the first thing she saw was the last person she wanted to meet.

_Once again._

It has been quite some time since she’s drowned herself onto the blissful green abyss that she used to cherish and adore. Eren was another breathe-taking figure today. The city lights of Moscow couldn’t even par with the timeless beauty of just a pair of teal-green orbs. She couldn’t quite fathom how that is even possible.

Annie unknowingly smiled. It was very faint and almost unnoticeable. That very small smile she has when she’s praised by people about how good she is with her defensive techniques in fighting, or when a dishful of sweets are served in front of her to consume, or when she remembers a distant memory of Eren in the past.

She struggled with taking the tempting cigar in its small packet. After lighting the third one up, she emitted another whiff of smoke which no longer manifested frustration. It was different this time. Thinking of Eren, she felt nothing but an intangible weight of yearning.

He wasn’t helping. Instead, he was only adding to Annie’s unceasing troubles. Trouble. The only trouble she wanted to pull against her body and convince it about her undying love.

Annie sucked again, closing her eyes as she exhaled the entire cigar’s harmful but prosperous content. _Why the hell am I still in love with that stupid jerk?_ She expected an emotional confrontation from Eren. Him shoving on her face about the wrong decision she has made about choosing her future over their supposedly happy relationship.

Her own future, that is.

The future she foresaw without the slightest hint of Eren’s presence.

The future where there is no love, but dreams alone.

The future where she’s all by herself.

Annie heaved a deep sigh. She didn’t expect to earn a smile from him inside the conference room. He looked nothing but happy and contented. He seemed to forget everything about the time when they parted ways, where she easily let him go, but he wouldn’t.

Now, it was different. His eyes looked even more beautiful since the last time her blue ones met his. He was sullen in the past, all gloomy yet hopeful. All worried yet positive, all angry yet loving. And she was the subject of his affection, receiving all his hopes, positivity, and love as he set aside all his gloom and worry and anger. She was everything he has.

But she has different plans. A future without him.

Her fingers neared her lips as the cigarette butt made contact. She was about to suck when she heard the elevator doors opening and shutting behind her. With her peace being interrupted, she quickly breathed the last remaining ones of her stick without looking at the person who just entered.

It was quiet, and Annie couldn’t be any thankful to the person who just arrived. She didn’t want to go back to the business banquet soon but to her disappointment, another presence deeply bothers her tranquillity more than anything else. Perhaps Hitch could at least be a great company inside. Though Annie doubts her friend was still flirting and chattering up with old businessmen in her radar.

Annie dropped the short and glowing stick, attempting to step on it with her right foot. But to her surprise, the person who was supposed to be just standing a metre behind her was already inches away beside her, shoulder to shoulder. His foot killed the glow of the lighted cigar away, a trail of dark ashes marked the concrete flooring they called rooftop.

She looked up, only to be greeted with the same exact teal-green eyes she was mourning for. Had she been a different person, she could have gasped in surprise. But luckily, her face was devoid of any emotion when she slowly took a step back.

“Since when?” he asked, his brows furrowed in disappointment.

Annie, who debated whether to crash her lips against his and pull his body in a tight embrace, mirrored his look only to be accompanied by a deep scowl. Her brows furrowed as well, mostly disappointed at herself upon letting him see her in such a state.

She knows he hates it. Maybe that’s why she committed herself on such a really strong allegiance of smoking. Like an enemy she has befriended in order to piss him off. But hell, she never intended to show him that she was already leaning on the comfort of the thing that he hates the most.

“Yeager,” she emphasized each syllable, as if doing so could help ease the damn tension she was trying to conceal.

“Annie,” his gaze softened for a bit, but immediately came back to his previous furrowed expression with gritted teeth, “Since when?”

“You think your way of thinking could hold me back?” her eyes narrowed, back in her heavy-lidded cold stares, “Don’t make me laugh,”

Little did Annie know that she wasn’t the only one who was feeling messed up.

Would it be a sin if Eren admits he missed Annie? Contrary to how she has grown into such a beautiful woman, he was surprised upon discovering her new habit. ‘Hot’ isn’t the right word for a married man to describe his ex-girlfriend. But with the cigar’s tip situated on her painted lips, eyes spacing out on the city lights, he couldn’t help but watch her quicken her pace due to discomfort with unwanted company.

The crease between his brows vanished. Eren couldn’t help but fix his eyes on the familiar figure of the woman in front him instead of turning to the entertaining lights that were long asking for his attention ever since he arrived on the rooftop. With the way she talked, he realized Annie hasn’t changed one bit.

There was silence. Both of them finally peeled their eyes away from one another as they stared at the glimmering colours before them. Annie’s intention onto seeking for Hitch abruptly disappeared. Instead, her mind was buzzing with all kinds of possible replies she could counter.

“Have you ever thought about…” she started, surprised with how her mouth started to disobey her. She couldn’t find the right words as she spoke. She never stutters, let alone stops midsentence. “You know I was here.”

She’s getting furious. Her insides are all messed up and it upsets her that she couldn’t do anything about it. She was a complete mess. Why does it have to be Eren, all over again?

“I never knew we were working on the same company.” He said, “but in different countries, that is.”

Silence reigned once again. It was uncomfortable. Like there were words trying to get out from the both of them and the thought of suppressing it was a great success.

Her head was throbbing wildly. Like any second from now, her mind could explode into tiny million pieces thinking about how she could utter the words that were trying to find a way out.

“Say, Annie.” It was Eren’s turn to break the deafening silence around them, “I don’t mean to pry or anything but… reaching your dream, didn’t it manage to break that stupid emotionless face of yours?”

Annie was taken aback by what he said. She caught his eyes as he glanced sideways, igniting such a terrible amount of guilt inside of her. Perhaps, she really loved him still. Her feelings were just tucked away far deep into the chambers of her supposedly frozen heart, but now, she felt herself heating up when they finally met again. Would it be possible for them to get back together?

She wanted to make a difference this time. Wanted him to know about what she really feels. That nothing’s ever changed with the way her heart beats furiously just by looking at him after almost a decade. That it’s still him over and over again. After all this time. Like an endless cycle of love and love alone. No matter how long it has been, no matter the distance.

She just can’t escape her feelings.

Just when she thought she’s finally gotten over him.

But what is this painful unknown that keeps on jabbing her damn chest?

“Who knows?” she replied, her head hung low as she braced herself with the gushing memories of yesteryears. “Look, Eren,”

He was stunned as she called his name. And so was she. It felt so new around the movement of her tongue, her pronunciation tender and mellow.

“That was so selfish of me when I did that.”

Their gazes connected again. She was becoming so tense that her heart was drumming so fast and loud. Hoping Eren was the same dense boy she has known for years, she held her breath in an attempt to conceal her uneasiness.

“What are you trying to say?”

She sighed. A deep and heavy one. She’s not always so good with words and all that shit.

“You know how ignorant my father is. I wanted to create a better future of my own by studying at a University my dad couldn’t afford. I couldn’t be any thankful with my mother’s side who were trying to provide me with everything that I couldn’t supply on my own. I have to leave everything behind and study abroad.” She paused, happy about the length of the sentences she just imparted. “I just had to leave.  I thought you’d understand.”

“Why are you bringing that up now?”

“Eren,”

There was a long pause yet again. Eren’s eyes were filled with confusion, and then anger, as the memory entered his mind.

_“I’m not happy with just… this. If you really love me, just let me go.”_

* * *

 

 

“Nobody can handle your dad, Annie. If you want to secure his safety you better bring him to a nursing home for the elders.”

The strength that was supporting her hand which was holding the phone on her ears nearly slipped away. She couldn’t possibly be imagining things. She must have been overthinking about the image of her naked father threatening each and every passer-by, screaming her mother’s name, and asking for a brawl just so he could show off his fighting skills he once taught her.

“I’ll be there in two days’ time. Can you look after him just until I get there?” she wouldn’t really want to confine her father in the lonely wards of nursing homes. After all, he was almost reaching the end of his time and Annie couldn’t put that to waste. They never really had a great relationship before but looking back to the person who moulded and broken her at the same time wasn’t even an option. “How much do you want?”

Hitch, who just received her hot cappuccino, raised a curious brow towards Annie. She pushed her friend’s latte with a soft feminine gesture as she gave her a questioning look.

Annie sighed, hanging up on her neighbour who happened to be a distant relative. She made sure that all weapons are safely located; from all the pointy objects in the kitchen up to his meticulous father’s AK74 assault rifle in his possession, dating way back when he was still serving in the army.

She propped her elbows on the glassy wooden table, absentmindedly stirring her hot beverage until Hitch caught her attention again. Annie stared at the very woman who was the sole reason as to why her encounter with Eren immediately came to an end. The bitch barged her way in the middle of their conversation and immediately pulled her towards the damn elevator and plotted her escape. Hitch was running away from a businessman who garnered a great liking towards her but unfortunately, the wife showed up in the middle of nowhere and _almost_ started making a scene.

Annie sighed in displeasure. Why can’t her stupid friend escape all by herself?

“I can’t die alone.” Hitch said as they exited the elevator on the ground floor. She tossed her car keys towards Annie as they headed to the parking lot. “I’ll tell them you used me as bait since you can’t flirt for the life of you. Annie, you seemed to be acquainted with the Yeager guy.”

Annie ignored her as she matched her really fast pace. They avoided some guards who appeared to be serving those rich bastards in the banquet. Hitch’s comment soon died out when they finally took refuge inside her car with Annie taking the driver’s seat.

The taste of her hot beverage brought her back to reality. The café was cozy, with people coming to and fro the doorway without disturbing any of the relaxing customers inside. The air-conditioner occupied the place, massaging the surfaces of their skins which were marred by the warm breeze outside. Annie took another sip as she heard Hitch talk.

“Is your dad okay?”

Annie looked at her with an uncertain response. She shook her head quietly and soon received a short “oh” from her.

“I hope he’s fine. You’re leaving soon, huh? When are you coming back here?” she added.

“I’m not sure.” Annie said, noticing the small plate on her side. A single slice of cake with strawberry on top took her attention. She reached to taste the ever so tempting pastry before her.

Upon looking at Hitch’s unsatisfied eyes, Annie felt the need to say, “I guess I’ll be working on another branch there in my place. It will be awhile until I come back here.”

“What?” Hitch squeaked, putting aside her _surprisingly_ half empty cup. “That’s so sudden!”

“I didn’t expect any of this.”

With her reply, Hitch slumped back on her chair, face contorted in frustration. She watched Annie eating the cake in disgust. _The amount of carbs must have been insurmountable._  

“Annie, is that guy still available?” she asked once Annie was about to take the last bite. “You know, that Yeager guy.”

Annie’s spoon froze halfway into her mouth, watching Hitch prop her elbows and resting her chin on the back of her hand. Upon regaining her composure, Annie took the last bite and swallowed quietly.

“You don’t mind if I _take_ him, right?”

The eyes that beheld the bored uninterested expression were readable for an instant. She looked surprise as Hitch finished her sentence. She couldn’t tell otherwise.

Annie almost spat on the last remaining sweet from her mouth as she watched Hitch’s lips tugging into a playful smirk.

“Oh? Are you hiding something from me, Annie?”

She couldn’t bring herself into telling anybody about Eren. Not when she thought she was already getting over him. Much to her fear, it was the opposite.

Annie was able to compose herself. Nevertheless, hiding her uneasiness was no easy task. Her face was pale and her eyes were fixed unknowingly on the wooden table in front of her.

“You know, he’s really cute and manly and rich, probably. Very unlike those old rich bastards with unpleasant wrinkles, ugh don’t even get me started.” Hitch leaned forward, her hands on the side of her mouth as she pretended to whisper. “You know I always go after men I strongly fancy, but for your sake I won’t lay a hand on him. But,” her forefinger flew in the air, “if he makes his way towards me, I won’t hesitate.”

She winked, taking back her previous position only to be glared at by Annie.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.” Hitch smirked, twirling her wavy hair between her fingers.

If only Annie could pretend she doesn’t really care about Eren being taken by Hitch or by any other woman for that matter, her eyes, which used to find nothing interesting to her liking, says otherwise.

 

* * *

 

 

Annie watched Mikasa’s retreating figure, eyes dead in disbelief.

Mikasa couldn’t possibly be Eren’s wife, could she?

Now that Annie has thought about it, a conversation with Eren suddenly came into her mind.  Guilt was an understatement, if you put it that way. Upon knowing about Eren’s marriage and family, it was hard for her to believe and accept. It didn’t stop her to express herself towards him. To feel him once again. She could put everything at risk even if it means staining her precious pride and decency. People’s opinion doesn’t really matter. She’s old enough to conquer and place a gamble upon anything.

Even if it means… being at the dark side of infidelity.

Never has she ever dreamt of loving someone who was already bounded by marriage. But there is only one thing she strongly believes; She didn’t steal. She was just many years late upon claiming him back again, and nothing could ever get in _their_ way. Not even the seal of matrimony.

“I can’t believe you, Annie. You don’t look happy for me.”

She remembered Eren’s retreating smile as his hands fell on his side. The glint of gold in his ring finger didn’t fail to sting her heart. Her eyes gazed lifelessly as heavy sullen thoughts invaded her mind.

He just fucking showed her his wedding ring.

After all those time of contemplating whether she wanted to get back together with him again, it turns out she was too damn late.

What the hell did she expect?

Annie had the urge to pull a cigar, thinking about how relaxing it might be if she could take that smoke of fury and throw it up in the air like a madman. Unfortunately, the restaurant doesn’t tolerate smoking which only added up to her frustration.

“I don’t get why we’re talking about the past. I just thought we’re cool and…” he paused, “you know, I’m not really sure why I’m telling you about my present life either.”

The empty table wasn’t there without a purpose. It served as the heavy barricade between them and Annie couldn’t be any thankful for that. The tension in the air tried to swallow her whole, her heart sinking together with the motion of her head.

“What did you expect?” she tossed the question that was meant for her, as she looked up at him.

She no longer cared if she looked too obvious with her feelings. She was a hair away from breaking that cool composure of hers and finally unwrapping herself to show how vulnerable she really is. And luckily, she didn’t.

Not yet.

“Annie,” he said, her question hanging in the heavy atmosphere between them.

“Go on, tell me more.”

Eren looked surprise. His beautiful green eyes widened for a second, then relaxed as he took a deep breathe. He must have realized he has no reason to be here with her. Most importantly, talking about their past which wasn’t simply just a past for her. It includes the majority of her life where she actually felt well and alive.

“After you left,” he slowly began, “After you left me,”

Her eyes moved to avoid his when he corrected himself.

“Nothing could ever make me feel like a damn person. I was… a total mess. I don’t want anything, All I ever wanted was… you.” He said, meeting her eyes again, “If I could sell my soul just to be with you again, I would. Every shooting star was an ineffective hope that has never arrived. But then, nothing helped. Not any one. I even thought about ending my own life because I just couldn’t find happiness if you’re not around. I was so lost.”

Annie was surprised upon how well Eren delivered his words. He used to be a very impulsive bastard she’s ever known, reacting to things without thorough thinking. This time, he was being very effective with how he expresses himself. And it pains to know that the person who did all the best changes out of him wasn’t Annie herself.

“After about a year of drowning with stupid things, I was able to redeem myself. I decided that I want to go to College. But with the place which reminded me everything about you, I won’t be able to move on.” He said, “Then I moved to the city. That’s when I met _her_.”

His pondering eyes immediately glimmered in delight. Like just thinking about his special someone brushes all the unhappiness away, plus that supposedly awkward atmosphere they have garnered upon themselves.

“Then, I don’t know. She helped me recover without even realizing it. Then suddenly, it’s no longer about you.” He paused, looking at her deep in the eyes.

Annie wasn’t so sure if reverting back to her cold stares would do her any good. She’s done enough defying what she truly feels, refusing the effectiveness of his words by expressing the opposite reaction.

She was happy, so happy upon knowing that he truly loved her. That she was a person he’d never easily get over with. Their young love wasn’t a big joke. He’s the only person she’d ever kept for years.

Right now, there was numbness. It feels so strange. That kind of feeling where you’d rather choose to be in so much pain than to feel nothing at all.

“So I owe you an apology, is what you’re trying to say.” She said, glad her voice didn’t crack as she spoke.

Eren shifted uncomfortably on his seat as he said, “Remembering some of our tragedy is infuriating. It’s all in the past now and I honestly have nothing against you.”

“Wow, Eren. You surprise me with how smooth your words have actually transformed. You used to have such a potty mouth.”

 _‘No fucking way.’_ Would just be his plain reply.

But he’s different now, and it hurts like hell.

He chuckled, bringing his hands on the table. Annie was so fucking pissed with that stupid ring again.

“I have to be careful around my family. My wife’s worth an entire brigade and nothing ever gets past her. And —”

“Will you let me make up to you?”

“What?” came Eren’s fast reply.

Annie couldn’t take it. Hearing him talk about someone else feels so ridiculous, she wanted to lavish him with the physical attention he was lacking right now. But no, she wouldn’t involve herself with an affair. Even with the person she loved, the person who now belong to somebody else. But that feeling contradicts so much about what she’s actually thinking all along.

Mikasa was out of sight when Annie snapped out of her thoughts. The crowded gates of the kindergarten were now deserted. She felt like a statue as she stood rooted on the ground.

Mikasa’s child was a Yeager. Her name was Carla and it couldn’t be some sort of coincidence with the name of Eren’s mother. Shit. Of all people Eren has to marry, why does it have to be her fucking best friend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. I was having second thoughts about Annie smoking. But really, I think she look badass when she does.  
> Now, I guess I've gone overboard and I need to cut it here.  
> See you next chapter!


	5. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She paused for a bit, trying to figure out the similarity between Eren’s and Annie’s reaction at the sound of each other’s name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating at a snail's pace. I've been so busy this whole time and it's a miracle I've even managed an update!  
> I have a lot of things due tomorrow but here it is, your chapter 5! omg yes. I wouldn't really call this stress writing. More like procrastinating, but still, sml for you guys!
> 
> We've got enough of Ereannie from the previous chapter now, here goes our Eremika with their baby(ies)!  
> WARNING: character death mentioned (read at your own risk)  
> Angst, Fluff, and a little bit of lemon

There were flashes of light. It wasn’t those kinds of stunning colours and spectacular transitions. Those lights remained in a dark passage in a tunnel. Flickering with inconsistent intervals as it failed to match her footstep towards the noise she was trying to locate.

Her dim pupils grew larger as she tried to fit in the void of darkness around her. She felt nothing but the horrendous weight of her heart beating furiously against her chest. For an instant, she no longer wanted to continue. She braced herself for that dreaded moment where her heart would finally stop beating, leaving the rest of herself rooted deep in the unknown tunnel that could immediately take her away in just a spur of a moment.

She breathed, as if breathing was the only rational thing she could think of. Her feet dragged her towards the flashing light. It was supposed to be steady. But the flashes at the end of the tunnel seemed to be taking place at night time, and the angry lights were actually lightning.

Mikasa continued to drag herself towards a little bundle of blanket at the mouth of the hallow passageway. Right after another crack of the raging thunder, she heard a small cry.

Her heart clenched as she barely managed to take a step closer. The crash of thunder didn’t stop, yet there was no sound of rain. The flashes lingered in the wet ground of the tunnel, eating its reflection away. She didn’t even have the time to be curious and find out the cause of small puddles in the muddy ground, nor taking a second guess if there was an unbearable stench clinging on the ghastly location.

Horrified, she forced herself to run. She ran very slowly, her strength immediately ran out in an instant. She believed that was the fastest she could possibly go. Her legs felt like a pair of lead weighing a million ton. She realized she could no longer lift her feet, until she got rooted on her spot, knees shaking while her eyes never left the moving blanket that was impossibly within her reach.

Her knees met the ground, eyes squeezing an indescribable amount of painful tears. She listened to the distant cry which appeared to be getting louder and louder. It was supposed to be scary. The echoes emanated like a broken record set to play for eternity.

Sobbing, her hands reached towards the flashes of lightning. Her skin felt the soil as her face crashed against the dirt. She was becoming filthy. Her hair got tangled when sticky mud occupied some strands on her raven locks.

But she couldn’t care less.

Looking up, the small bundle of blanket was nowhere to be found. Her eyes searched the entire passageway. She blinked a few times and found herself cradling an infant inside the very tunnel. This time, there was no fear. Her feet didn’t feel like lead anymore, and she was no longer crying.

She peeked at the baby on her arms. Its small little fist clutching her fingers as it cooed. It was smiling with its toothless gum, muttering indistinctive noise under its breathe. Its eyes were shut and as soon as it fluttered open, Mikasa marvelled at its green magic.  It felt surreal and she couldn’t help not to pull the baby in her arms into a tight hug. She cried once again, muttering its name,

“Eri.”

The baby cooed, as though trying to acknowledge its own name. It chuckled, ringing her insides. Hot tears invaded her cheeks, yet the smile on her face looked so bright she felt like everything just fell onto its rightful place.

A sob escaped her lips as she felt the soft touch of her little baby on her chest. This couldn’t be real. Her little angel is showing up again. She rubbed its soft black locks ever so gently. She couldn’t make any mistake. She didn’t want him to vanish.

“I love you.” she kissed little Eri’s forehead which earned her a sweet chuckle from him. “I love you so so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

Despite the fact that her fraternal twins looked identical even with their gender, Mikasa knew it wasn’t her little girl Carla. She can feel it. As all mother could, she could feel it was her son. Her little angel that wasn’t given a chance to live on earth, yet she knows he’s already happy wherever he is right now.

A deafening sound of thunder seized her clouded mind. It was so loud that she assumed the world could have ended with just a single strike. There was this strange pain digging inside her gut as everything flew away in a blurry whirlwind.

She tried to scream but only managed to let out a voiceless gasp.

Then everything went black. She opened her eyes and found herself staring deep into a pair of eyes that had her smiling in delight just a little bit earlier. But this one wasn’t cooing. It was calling her name and was looking at her in great concern.

There was no tunnel, no flashes of lightning, no sound of thunder, and most definitely, there was no Eri.

“Mikasa, are you okay?” Eren held her tightly on her shoulders, gently grabbing and letting her sit upright.

There was a look of shock on her face. Her eyes started to well up and soon after, she was sobbing quietly, clutching and hitting her chest like she was angry at herself. Angry at everything. There was sadness in her voice, though she didn’t speak. Her stifled cries and sobbing could tell him what she was going through. Her hair covered herself when she hung her head in frustration, which only added up to Eren’s worry.

He wiped the sweat that has accumulated on her temple. Brushing away a few strands of hair behind her ear.

“Shh, Mikasa. I’m here.” He rubbed her back. He could almost feel that tinge of misery coming from her. He could tell what exactly she was dreaming about. _Again._

She didn’t answer. He knows he wasn’t good at comforting others, but it pains to see her in such state. He didn’t know what to do. He could taste that blasphemous fury and sadness deep within her. He wished he could take everything all at once. With whatever measure it might require, he couldn’t care less.

“Come on,” he cupped her face as he stared right at her melancholic and terrified eyes, “Everything’s fine. Everything’s alright. We can do this. I’m here, Carla’s here.” He reached for her hand to lead it towards his chest. “ _He’s_ here.” And let their hands fall on her own chest where her heart laid “and here.”

Her sobbing stopped in an instant, as though the keyword has been said. Eren couldn’t tell exactly how he did that because in all honestly, it was more of a reassurance for himself rather than for her. Nevertheless, it worked.

Green met onyx as they stared at each other for a long moment. He pulled her into a hug and she held tighter in his embrace. She inhaled him, reminding herself that he’s real. That he’s not going to vanish like Eri did. She couldn’t find her voice for an instant as she focused on burying her face on the crook of his neck.

Mikasa felt Eren’s ragged breathing when she decided to listen at the silence around them. She pulled away, examining him and finding a short streak of tears on his cheeks that barely ever escaped the corner of his eyes. She used her lips to wipe his tears away, her hands settled on the outline of his jaw.

_What is he thinking about?_

She was able to compose herself, though her rapid heartbeat couldn’t possibly go any faster. She knew she can’t be the only one suffering with the loss of their son. She managed a smile, finding her voice in an instant and saying,

“Thank you,” she said, “for teaching me how to live. For wrapping your arms around me like this.”

He stared, bewildered. He couldn’t bring himself to believe how he was easily moved and has become sensitive right at the moment. He couldn’t convince himself that it wasn’t the other way around. Mikasa was the one who taught him the meaning of life. She was the one who saved him from his sinful mind when everything seemed to fall apart in front of him. She was his comfort, his shelter, she was his home.

Her eyes were no longer terrified. In fact, there was this soothing feel on her gaze which made him feel like she was the one comforting him instead. She reached to kiss his forehead. The light stroke of her lips was heavenly against his skin. It was everything. He felt like he was protected. Like he was loved.

“I love you.”

* * *

 

Mikasa was alarmed the moment her hand felt the huge space beside her. Her lids fluttered open, hands still roaming the spacious linen with Eren’s absence. Embracing the quiet moment, she laid on her back, thinking about the dream she had. It’s no longer as scary as the other night. In fact, it was sadness that was trying to seep in.

She never ever gotten over the harsh reality of failing to keep her children alive and healthy when she was conceiving. Both Carla and Eri didn’t deserve to suffer, had she only been very careful and was very healthy.

Tears rolled down her pale cheeks, her chest heaving short and low breathes. She remembered how Eri wrapped his little arms around his sister just before drifting away. The memory was unforgettable and it was still haunting her every damn time. Both of her twins were unhealthy and it was a great miracle that Carla even survived.

The next thing she knew, she was sitting upright, hands clutching her chest as if doing so could immediately get rid of the horrible feeling away. Tears didn’t stop its overflowing grief while she gritted her teeth to stifle her moans of agony.

Everybody said it wasn’t her fault. Carrying one life in the womb is hard enough, what more could it be with two growing infants inside of her? But no, she wasn’t convinced of that idea. She would never be. It was her duty to ensure her children’s well-being and when she was unable to, she was brought into complete destruction.

Mikasa didn’t hear their joint bathroom creaking open, revealing her half-naked husband with only a towel wrapping his lower body. Eren was alarmed upon seeing her in such state. Rushing to her side, he took her by the shoulders, trying to calm her down.

“Shh, Mika,” he was freaking out upon seeing and hearing her cry once again.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.” She said in between low cries and labored breathes, “I’m sorry, Eren.”

Eren patted the top of her head, kneeling on the soft mattress in front of her. He just couldn’t bear to see her suffering like this. He wanted her to find acceptance in her heart, like what he finally did.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you another child.” She dropped her head, her hand roamed on the surface of his bare chest.

So that was the reason why she’s bothered once again. Fuck it. Fuck him for asking another child from her. Now she’s in misery, and he’s the reason of her grief. Fucking hell, he couldn’t be more infuriating.

Inhaling the scent of her hair, he brought his lips on her forehead the same way she did last night. His hand found hers, intertwining themselves together. He hoped it was enough to make her feel like his love never ever faltered just because of that.

“Mikasa,” he managed to say, he wasn’t so sure if his words could even help, “I’m the one who should be sorry,” his fingers travelled on the strands of her black hair, “I won't ask for more. I love you, and our family is more than enough.”

Their eyes met for the first time. Her eyes were glassy and for a second, he thought they could reflect a hundred million stars despite the sorrow she fails to hide. His thumb caressed her sleep-swollen lips, feeling how soft and tasty it might feel against his own.

She breathed his name, and damn it felt so glorious against his skin. His other hand drew circles on her shoulders, pulling her a little too gently to bring her closer towards him. He was about to capture her lips when she went past him and nuzzled herself on the crook of his neck. The remainder of her dried tears rubbed against his nakedness, her hot breathe was a pleasurable prickle on his bare chest.

“But it’s good to add more,” her voice sounded soft and mellow, instead of being very seductive. Is she even aware how erotic it must sound like? But there she goes, muttering something like the mere process of making a child isn't even erotic.

Damn, how could he get rid of this stupid excitement underneath the towel right now?

On the other hand, her tears have stopped streaming out of her eyes. Her brows were a bit furrowed but the curve of her lips told her that she was at least feeling a little better.

Eren kissed her temples with an audible slurpy smooch, hands traveling on her side. Her breathe hitched with every touch, every kiss on her cheek, down to her jaw. She held him tighter by his shoulder, his broad back tensed when her hand roamed his clothed thigh.

“We can wait,” he said, nibbling the base of her neck while his hand worked its way under her shirt. “I can wait.”

He earned a soft moan from her. It wasn’t made of sorrow this time. It was of pleasure. He grunted when she pulled a fistful of hair, devouring his lips like it was the most comforting thing she could find.

Their tongues danced against each other. Eren tasted like toothpaste and she didn’t want to know what she actually tastes like. Her half-lidded eyes was a representation of the enjoyable part of comforting each other in the middle of their heartbreaking conversation.

Mikasa shifted on her place, accidentally loosening up the white fabric on his lower half. He grunted, then she silenced him up by completely taking him full on the lips. Their teeth clanged together with the heat of their passion.

His hand caught her soft breast. She bit his tongue inside of her mouth, stifling a low moan.

He pulled away in an instant, ready to complain about her rough move. However, she cupped the back of his head and pulled his mouth on her own. Her eyes were in between open and shut, and she looked so damn seductive, not to mention the slightly disheveled hair he has caused.

Mikasa caught a glimpse of numbers beside their bedpost. Her eyes grew wider, her hands pushed Eren away in a spur of a moment. He fell on his back and was looking at her in confusion.

“You’re running late.”

Damn, she needed to get Carla ready for school as well. Luckily for Mikasa, she could go to work whenever the hell she wants. She could always par with the gloomy stare Levi would always send her.

Eren groaned at the sudden loss of contact. He watched Mikasa quickly getting off the bed, keeping herself from looking all messy. Pride swelled on his gut upon seeing her fixing the mess he made. As much as he prefers to stay it that way, they really needed to get moving.

He hopped to sit on the edge nearest to her, gripping her forearms to halt her up, saying, “Promise me we’ll finish this up.”

She rolled her eyes, freeing herself from his touch, “We don’t have time.” She paused to think, “just go and jack off if you really can’t hold it in.” She laughed almost so loudly.

“What the hell? Is this your payback right after sucking my mouth wild and hard?” He said, looking all pitiable.

“You can wait.” She said coldly, concealing any hint of playfulness on her voice.

But no, he has already memorized the tone of her voice and there’s no way she wasn’t aching for making love with him as well.

“I’ll prepare breakfast, and you have to drop Carla at school.” She said before opening the door, “You should get ready.”

As soon as she was out of sight, a smug grin was planted across his face. He laid on his back, all topless and messy and.. excited. He couldn’t ignore the tightness between his thighs that was merely caused by his teasing wife. Damn that fine woman be leaving him all by himself just after a hot make out session.

His arms spread on either side of him, feeling his muscles relax at the sudden peaceful moment. Thinking about Mikasa, he smirked. She’s going to get it soon.

He was caught off-guard when he slightly jumped in surprise upon hearing a short message notification from his phone. It roared for three consecutive times with small intervals in between. He rolled on his side, reaching up. He’s really not in the mood to be easily pissed off early in the morning. This person should be deemed lucky more than anything else.

Grabbing his phone from the bedside table, he read three messages from Ymir.

‘You’ll be surprised.’

‘Can’t wait to see that horror’

‘on your ugly face.’

Damn. She’s asking for it. What the hell is she on about?

He quickly got off the bed, carefully composing himself so that any nerve won’t be touched. Scrambling for his hanged clothes in the wardrobe, he moved so fast he was immediately clad in his working clothes right away.

‘The hell are you talking about?’ His hands fumbled on the phone screen as he gripped his suitcase on his free hand.

Eren literally jogged off the flight of stairs, trying to fix his tie which was suspended messily around his neck. The smell of food invaded his nose as he went to make his way towards the kitchen and the dining area. He was greeted by the sight of Mikasa preparing food on the table, and Carla looking all neat and pretty in her uniform. Her lunchbox placed peacefully on her side.

He’s always been at awe about how Mikasa could move quickly while doing things at the same time. He didn’t even know she could get Carla ready for school while singlehandedly working on their breakfast.

“Good morning, Papa!” Carla called out, her feet dangling on the chair with a regular back and forth motion. Her elbows perched on the table, hands cupping her pale cheeks.

“Hey there, Princess.” He went and rubbed her raven locks, placing his suitcase on the chair nearest to him.

“Mama said you’re dropping me off the school. Teacher would be happy to see you.” Carla said, her eyes followed the steamy pasta Mikasa has placed in front of her.

“I’d be happy to see her, too.” Eren caught Mikasa’s eyebrow rose. She pulled the dishful of food away from him, her eyes narrowed. “What?” He chuckled.

She did not reply. A staring contest started between the two of them and Carla couldn’t be any more confused about what’s happening between her parents.

“Mikasa, remember we’re in a hurry right now.” Eren said, forcing his way towards the table as he grabbed the plate Mikasa prepared for him. She didn't resist. Instead, she took the chair across his and Carla’s. “You even had the audacity to start something you knew you couldn’t finish.”

Mikasa acted as if Eren wasn’t implying to their unfinished _business_ earlier. Well, she really have to protect Carla’s innocence with what exactly Eren was talking about. They ate quietly, but then she remembered Carla won’t be able to stay silent for just about a minute.

“Papa! Are we going to get Micatsa soon?” There she goes, the corner of her lips were smudged with red sauce.

Eren remembered they were supposed to get a cat yesterday. He was even surprised Carla haven’t complained about how he easily forgot. He smiled, then frowned when his eyes met Mikasa’s.

“I guess it wouldn’t be that… annoying?”

“Who’s Micatsa?” She deadpanned, proceeding on her next bite.

She knew it was another of Eren’s playful tricks together with their daughter. Where else could she have found out about that name?

“Mama! I can change the name if you want!” Carla said, teary eyed. It was clear how she immediately got nervous when her tongue slipped at the mention of her soon to be pet.

Both parents looked at her. Eren was amused about how cute his little daughter’s eyes glimmered with the exact green hue he owned. Mikasa challenged her little counterpart, eyes sharp in anticipation.

“What could be a better name, then?” She said, watching her light up in excitement.

“I have one!” Carla exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.

“I think Micatsa’s perfect.” Eren rubbed Carla’s raven hair again, his other hand holding a forkful of pasta dangling in the air.

“Annie!”

Mikasa smirked, she wouldn’t deny how Annie easily caught her daughter's fondness. Carla never liked people, save from a few of their blonde friends. With her constant declaration of love for Armin, now Mikasa felt a bit better with her little girl deciding not to name her pet after him.

Her eyes laid on her husband. He suddenly looked so uncomfortable and tensed. His smile seemed forced and there it is, his ears becoming red. She might never admit it to him, but she can always tell how he becomes crystal clear with the help of his reddening ears.

“Eren?” She called out, their eyes met shortly.

He had that urge to take his phone out and leave the conversation hanging.

_What the hell? What the fucking hell? What the fuck did Carla just say!?_

‘See for yourself, idiot.’ Was Ymir’s response eight minutes ago. He can’t tell if he's ever heard his phone rung or he’s decided to just ignore her message.

“About time,” he stood, making his way to the sink and preparing to brush his teeth once again. “We better get going, Carlie.”

Carla flinched at the nickname. She looked at her mother who was glaring at the plate in front of her.

Annie had the same surprised look on her face the first time she met Carla. Mikasa just couldn’t understand why the bright and radiant Eren became tensed all of a sudden upon hearing such name. She turned to him, watching him fixing his tie hastily.

Mikasa stood up, letting her wife instinct rule over her. She fixed his necktie quietly, his eyes refused to meet hers.

“Are you okay?”

His eyes widened a little, “I’m good.” He paused, still not daring to look her way, “It’s just…” he took his suitcase, looking for Carla who just disappeared in the bathroom, “Something came up at the company.”

He wasn’t so sure if his false reason made the situation even better. He was aware Mikasa is starting to get overridden by something aggressive. And he wound’t say it isn’t far from jealousy. Damn, why did he have to react that way?

It’s Annie.

It’s _just_ Annie.

Mikasa saw the terror in his eyes. She knew it wasn’t something from the company that have managed to startle him. She knew it was the mention of Annie. She paused for a bit, trying to figure out the similarity between Eren’s and Annie’s reaction at the sound of each other’s name; though it was through Carla where Annie must have recognized the surname ‘Yeager’.

She wanted to ask him. In fact, she wanted to talk about her best friend after all the years they’ve been apart from one another. But then, there’s something inside of her which tells her otherwise.

As soon as Eren entered the car together with Carla, he couldn’t help himself from asking her how she even came up with that name. Must have been coincidence? She must have met somebody with the same name as _her._

He wasn’t too far ahead thinking about his daughter actually meeting Annie in person. He didn’t want to know how and why. He didn’t want to confirm. To top it all off, there’s no way Annie’s even arrived here. And if she did, it’s impossible she’d run across Mikasa. They don’t even know each other. Damn. Dammit. There’s no reason for him to react that way in front of Mikasa.

“Papa?”

Eren brought the engines to life. He moved the car from the garage, making his way across the neighborhood. He examined Carla on the corner of his eyes as he drove. She looked afraid and pouty at the same time.

“Yes, baby?”

Her cheeks puffed, “Mama looked sad.”

Eren sighed inwardly. Yes, she has every right to be sad and all that shit. He’s teased Mikasa about Carla’s teacher, which is a rare occurrence among the two of them. Usually, they’d be the one gossiping and making fun of other people behind their back. It’s strange to hear Eren teasing her about people, especially women.

“Doesn’t she want Annie?” Carla said, her hands playing with the surface of the seatbelt.

“Really, Carla, are you serious?” He answered her question with another question, as he took a left turn and joined the line of the regular traffic in the city. “Where did that name even come from?”

Well, he regretted muttering the last sentence under his breathe, but Carla was too keen and sharp not to hear.

She raised her head to look at her father who was already looking right back at her. They just came to a full stop in the middle of the traffic.

“Have you ever seen a very beautiful person before, Papa? I met her yesterday and her name was ‘Annie’.” She said, her hands clasped. “I think I should color my hair yellow when I grow up.”

Eren’s eyes grew wider. What the hell is this kid talking about? She couldn’t be referring to a short girl with blonde hair and light blue eyes and—

He snapped out of his thoughts the moment he heard several honking sounds coming from the back. The line of cars stuck in traffic had already started to move and he was supposed to catch up with the great distance of the car upfront.

No no no no. This is fucking impossible. Who on earth did she just meet?

“I’ve already seen the most beautiful women alive.” he muttered, trying to form a genuine smile, “That’s you and your mother.”

Carla smiled toothily. She was about to respond when Eren suddenly cut her off.

"But I'd prefer you'd keep that beautiful black hair. You see, everyone's jealous of your mom. Her hair is something to die for, just like yours." a light tint of pink showed up on Carla's cheek as she examined her long black hair. Her lips pulled into a big grin. 

“Now, little Carlie." Eren continued, "I thought I told you not to talk with strangers?” Eren said sternly he drove faster when the street have finally cleared up a little bit.

“But Mama said I can talk to her.” Carla said nervously, her bright reaction died out in an instant.

With that said, Eren snapped his head towards the direction of his daughter. Her face scrunched up in deep thinking, as if she’s trying to defend herself from being accused.

He felt afraid.

He felt so fucking afraid that he thought about how dead he actually was. But no, why would Mikasa talk to _her,_ if she really was Annie?

Dammit, it just doesn’t make sense anymore.

_What the hell are you talking about, Carla!?_

 


	6. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stopped when their eyes met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so let me just share some rl stuffs that's been trying to provoke my sanity this past few weeks.  
> Dayyyyuuum I need to sort out my priorities. I have like three exams tomorrow morning but heyyy, I'm just trying to refresh my mind with this. I'm definitely not fed up with all the studying I've done these entire weeeeeeks *rolls eyes* definitely not.  
> Damn, I hope this chapter turned out alright. I planned to update as soon as I can but dear sweethearts, my body and brain are in extreme pain rn, 24 hours is not enough in a day. I need a three month vacation without thinking about all those univ crap!
> 
> Nevertheless, reading all the comments and the love this story has received is so overwhelming! It makes me so happy, you guys are so awesome! You help me get through a bad day in an instant! let me just hug you via your phone/pc/whatever screens.

Her eyes were a soft glow of misty blue. A trail of liquid travelled right through her pale cheeks, her calloused hands trembled upon the contact of her tear-stained face. She heaved a deep breathe, noting how her blonde locks were kept in a total disarray with last night’s undertaking. Her heart pounded mercilessly upon looking right back at her reflection, the memories came flooding in her mind.

The memories of last night’s infidelity was totally overwhelming, she can’t find the exact words to tell how she truly felt about it. Surely, she can feel that tiny blob of happiness that is starting to make its way to explode right in the middle of her chest.

This is what happiness should feel like.

Nonetheless, something was preventing her from putting herself together, and she didn’t know what to do. After all, she wasn’t so sure if it was okay to be happy. To feel the person she was long yearning for, the person who didn’t do anything but invade her mind for an entire painful decade.

He was always in her heart. She was aching for him.

But can she do something to cease that fiery passion in his eyes with the mention of his present lover? She knew she was able to ignite those kind of affection with Eren, but now she perfectly know why she has managed to bring him inside the four sinful walls across the heart of the city.

Lust.

Firstly, she can’t blame his manly urges for him to be able to be tempted by her. She wanted to believe that there’s a place in his heart just for her. She’d accept even just a single speck of romantic attraction, at least there’s a possibility of… love? Even if she knew it was only her body which made him satisfied, she knew it was never his intention to hurt others, especially his wife.

In fact, he was horrified. She came just to ruin his life. To stain him with the sin of temptation and adultery. But what can she do, really? Indeed, she was the one who initiated their building affection, and he hesitated at first. Then as far as she could remember, he was actually responding like a sex-deprived asshole he was.

Annie was seated in front of an old and dusty vanity inside the room she have rented, clad by nothing but the very blanket the both of them have shared. Eren’s smell lingered on the tip of her nose, torturing her with the memories they have shared together. She tried to convince herself that he never changed that much. He was the same Eren she have fallen in love with, though he seemed to have changed for the better, he’s still him.

And it was damn too painful to think that his so-called change didn’t have anything to do with her.

She never felt so happy again. Still, it felt like something is pulling her back from that unwanted remembrance she have created with a married man. Is it really okay to be happy with what happened between the two of them— when she was aware she might destroy a relationship? A family? She herself was a product of a broken relationship as well.

Now, she knew she was no better than any of her parents.

Since when has she ever cared for morality, anyway? If everything goes smooth between her and Eren, there’s no need for anyone’s approval and consent and acceptance for that matter, but it seems like he wasn’t even liking it. In fact he looked scared and disgusted and… well, she couldn’t blame him.

She never felt so ashamed and dirty in her entire life.

 

——

 

Annie arrived to a familiar house porch she have dreaded her entire life. As much as she never wanted to step foot on the very place, she can’t help but to look back and see her father’s well-being. Even if it costs emotional turmoil inside of her, she just can’t leave her father alone and dying.

A frail old man was watering his yard with a long gardening hose, tending on his plants like they were his greatest treasure. Her father always loved nature. His garden was always kept intact and healthy and Annie wouldn’t be surprised if he’s managed to build himself a greenhouse at the backyard. There was nothing particularly unusual at the sight of him, though his face looked cold and aggressive at the same time— like one single touch could stir him up and beat anyone lifeless. And really, even with how skinny and frail he looked like, she’d choose not to underestimate the very person who taught her everything about fighting and self-defense.

“Is that you, Freya?” he spoke, his chestnut eyes were cloudy and it didn’t look like the ones who have threatened her countless of times in the past.

Annie stood frozen on the ground, her knees shaking in fear and disbelief. If her father thinks she was her mother, then she’s dead. The uncanny resemblance between mother and daughter was too powerful to be unnoticed, especially by an elder who seemed to be suffering with some of the many age-related frailties.

She’s lived most of her life seeing her mother being abused and violated by the very man in front of her. There was no love to their relationship. No trust, no understanding. Her mother meant nothing for her dad. Perhaps a punching bag would be a little fortunate compared to the countless beatings her mother has received from this person who deems himself as the head of their precious family.

Annie remembered how she once threw herself between her raging father and her mother covered in blood and bruises. The only thing she couldn’t understand back then is that why— why would her mother wholeheartedly accept all the pain? All those hurtful words and all the physical injuries she has received from him? It just doesn’t make any sense for her, even up until now.

“Annie, don’t be like her. That damn bitch might as well rot in hell forever.” Her father once told her a few days after her mother died. She was only twelve years old back then, and her growing contempt over her father got even worse over the days she have spent together with him in the same roof, living with the very person who killed his own wife.

He wasn’t even sorry. Annie wondered if he was even human, if there was the slightest bit of love inside his heart. She hated his father so much. That sort of loathing that could never ever go away over the course of time, because damn, being the child of her father meant she was imprinted with a curse that would last for a lifetime. She’s the daughter of a _murderer._

Sometimes when he’s drowned himself with alcohol and all sorts of drugs, he’d beat the shit out of her. He’d yell her mother’s name over and over again, screaming about how he hated her, that she was nothing but a slut who would suck anyone for free.

She was confident of her own skills in fighting back then. Compared to a person who was devoured by the effects of drugs and alcohol, surely, she was on the advantage against her father. Lest defending herself was all that matters, her little version wouldn’t even dare to hurt him.

After all, she was still his favorite little warrior when he’s in not in the state of intoxication.

Annie was brought back to the present when her father touched her face ever so gently, like one single mistake could break her into shreds. In his cloudy pupils, his feelings spoke like she’s worth more than a million dollar treasure and nothing like his lowly gardens splayed across his dying lawn.

“You look as beautiful as ever, Freya.” His voice was tender, his rough hands parted from her skin and Annie sighed in relief. She thought he was going to slap her.

“Dad, it’s me.” Annie managed to say, her eyes threatening to water. “I’m Annie.”

She wanted to hate him. Annie never felt so vulnerable more than ever in front of her abusive father. She wondered whatever it is that made him act so gentle towards her mother, it must have been the time when he was sober and free from any forms of hatred.

His shoulders trembled, laughing all of a sudden while his hose dangled on his hand, “What? But you’re Freya!”

Annie said nothing, instead she watched her father looking all confused and messy. She assumed he might break apart so soon, and it’s best for her not to let her guard down.

“You’re not my little Annie, you’re Freya!” He laughed maniacally, causing Annie to take a few steps back away from him. Then his tone changed in an instant, eyes blazing in anger and spite. “You're dead, you fucking slut! I’d tear you to pieces!”

He was worse than she’d imagined. Her father marched towards her, passing through the little fence he’s created and repaired over the course of time. He must have forgotten he was only carrying a hose for the look on his face was so deadly, she’d expect he’s hidden a large axe behind him.

Annie didn’t know what to say. The next thing she knew, she was tackling her own father, hose tied around his body to keep him from moving aggressively. People gathered around her, perhaps four or five. Their neighbor who appeared to be a distant relative helped her with her screaming father though really, she didn’t looked like she needed help.

“You fucking bitch! I’m going to pulverize you and you’re going to beg me to spare your lowly life and you’re going to stop fucking any dick you come across to and you better run for your life right now because I’m not one of your pint-sized cock who would be easily seduced, you motherfucking whore!”

His words must have been for her mother. Though she tries to set aside the guilt that was starting to seep in through his words, she realized she’s not as different as the insults her father has imparted. Annie froze, her heart pounded on her ribcage like it was about to blow itself away any second from now. Her life never even progressed for a little bit further. She swore to have a family and to never let her own child suffer the same condition she has experienced from her own parents. Yet there she was, standing in front of their old house, talking to an emotionally and mentally unstable father, and being aggressively confronted because of how filthy she has become.

She had big dreams that cost her many sacrifices in life, and surprisingly so, she could not even please this saggy old man. No matter what she intends to do with her life now, she’d picture herself with a family. That image of a small and happy family that comes to her mind signifies how lacking and unfulfilled she actually feels right now.

She dreamt of a family, but she was way too selfish to even have one. She’d given up love for her future, for herself. Now, here she is, no matter how successful her career has become, she just couldn’t find the happiness she once had. She couldn’t be any happier without _him_.

Without Eren.

Seeing herself marrying anybody else aside from Eren was inconceivable. At the present times, she knew there’s nothing she could do unless she’d try to drag him inside her own radius of misery and ruin everything. That’s another selfish act. If you really love a person, his happiness comes first.

Needless to say, her long years of sufferings were enough to forget what happiness actually feels like. Just why can she love and be happy at the same time?

It’s impossible. There was a time when he was just within her reach but now, there’s no way the person she loves would willingly submit himself to her. After all the pain he has gone through just to get over his powerful feelings aimed only for her, she knew she doesn’t deserve him. There’s nothing left for her.

She’s taken him for granted.

* * *

 

 “Historia, what is this all about?”

He didn’t dare smash his fist on the wide surface of the oak table between the two of them. Though he was already on the verge of losing all his cool, choking his disturbed emotion wasn’t that easy. Holding back, he gritted his teeth just so he could prevent himself from making a scene.

No matter how he becomes disrespectful sometimes, he knew crossing the line between work and friendship just wouldn’t make his situation any better this time.

Historia darted her bright blue eyes on her troubled employee. Her lips tightened, unimpressed about Eren’s reaction.

“She’s not a newbie. You won’t even need to deal with her.” she muttered, restraining a sigh that was trying to get out of her tinted lips.

His brows furrowed. He was never a man who could easily hold back whatever amount of rage he was keeping for himself. With his futile efforts upon concealing what he truly felt, trying a reasonable excuse is hard enough. He could hear his mind cursing every swear word there is.

“I mean, we don’t need any more people in my team. We’re fine.” He said, trying to sound indifferent, though he was uncertain if it even worked.

“Are you saying she’s not welcome—”

“Look, look, yes. I mean, yes. Wait, no. Of course not.”

Interrupting the CEO was one thing. Losing his tongue in the midst of talking about a certain someone most definitely is another. He tried to come up with another persuasive reason, one that could soften Historia who seemed to look a bit irritated by now.

“I don’t know herandIdon’twanttoworkwithsomeoneIdon’tknow.”

Eren spoke so fast he almost stumbled on his words. He sure looked like an idiot by now. It was obvious he was trying to avoid Annie, though he wished Historia wouldn’t come up to such conclusion.

“Of course you don’t know her.” Historia said, pondering. For an instant, he could almost see the timid girl she once was. “But it’s not like you. As far as I know, you didn’t have the slightest fear of strangers. In fact, you’re the one who scares them.” She paused, searching his face, “But if you ask me, you sound like you’re trying to avoid her more than anything else. Are you sure you haven’t heard the name Annie Leonhardt before?”

His behavior may look extremely rude. He knew he was becoming informal but still, he slumped himself on the chair across Historia’s, denying the fact that he’s already given up. He couldn’t really do something with the Queen’s decision, and he can’t be acting up like a shitty brat he was in the past.

“No.” he said curtly, showing her how pissed he actually was.

“Are you scared?” her tone sounded like a concerned mom. But no, of all people, Eren knew she was just trying to provoke him much further.

“No fucking way.” And she appeared to be successful.

“But Mikasa might be.” She smirked.

After a short time upon regaining her true identity, Eren couldn’t believe how bitchy Historia could possibly get. He’d prefer to believe that the Christa he knew definitely isn’t this twisted lady in front of him. It would be more logical to consider the huge gap of universe between the lovely Christa Renz and this very person with a renowned status as an _influential_ queen everyone looked up to.

Eren never seemed to relax as she continued, “You know, not any _friendly_ woman could survive Mikasa’s death glares when she’s around. The last time I went through near-death experience was with your deadly wife. Luckily, I’m no longer the blonde petite cry-baby everybody knew.”

“Right. You’re not Christa’s stand in.” Eren said bitterly.

“Well, _She_ was the fucking stand in.” she said, amused. “That aside, I bet Annie could defend herself from anyone’s jealous wife. She has an impressive background and with her appearance, it’s unbelievable she’s still single.”

“The hell are you talking about!?” Eren wished she wasn’t so eager to talk about Annie when all he wanted was to forget about her and make peace with himself. Never has he ever dreamt of becoming a big cheat and a terrible liar. And he was trying to make sense out of the second chance he gave to himself, and not from Mikasa.

But this superior lady just couldn’t stop herself from talking about the very woman he was trying to avoid. Well damn, he can’t blame her. Why else is he here for, anyway? To talk about Annie fucking Leonhardt, it is.

He sighed inwardly. He couldn’t help not to think about her purposely trying to mess up his life. He just can’t compose himself right away, especially when he’s now working with the person he sinned together with.

“Well, aside from Ymir, she’s the only woman in your team. Looking after our foreigner’s well-being is a proper thing to do. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s ambushed right in front of my company.”

“She’s no foreigner.” He managed to say, but regretted half a second later. Now what he said was a terrible give away. _Fuck_.

Historia froze, staring at him in surprise. Her lips pulled into a thin line and soon let out a half-hearted chuckle.

“Well said,” she propped her elbows on the table, her face rested loosely on her palm.

Eren quickly got up, muttering all sorts of curses ever known to the history of mankind. It’s not as if Historia didn’t know. He was certain she was feigning ignorance with his relation to Annie. That was disgusting, acting all innocent and whatnot. Now, there’s no point arguing with her. Nothing would change. Damn, he knew Ymir’s behind all this.

\--

The shiny surface of the elevator doors disappeared for a moment, revealing a load of people getting out and entering its enclosed compartment. She settled at the back corner of the unfamiliar place. Though there were similarities that reminded her of her previous division in Russia, the place looked entirely different. The interior has a fair resemblance with her previous post but then, nothing more could make her feel anxious around new faces she has never encountered before.

And the terrible fact that anytime soon, _they_ would finally bump against each other.

She was waiting for that very moment where _he_ would finally show up, either simply ignoring her or asking why on earth she’s even here. She wasn’t so sure which one is better, and he might not even know they’re working at the same place.

Annie hid her amusement. She can’t wait to see that dumbfounded look on his face.

She heard a small noise coming from the moving compartment. A lot of people got out. There were only five remaining passengers when another two entered. Once they reached the seventeenth floor, everyone got out.

Dealing with another load of unknown people makes her extremely uncomfortable, not to mention it was just her first day. Sighing, she realized she has yet a long way to go.

The doors almost hit each other. But with a swift movement of a hand, it was pushed open once again, revealing the man she was longing to see. No, the man she was _aching_ to encounter for all these time.

It was _him._

Eren.

He entered without sparing a glance her way. He looked bothered and uneasy which gives her an impression that his day most probably didn’t seem to start just fine.

He sighed, putting a hand on a metal railing behind him after pressing a key on the elevator button. Annie observed him in the corner of her eyes, not even daring to start a conversation with him. He was on his phone and was hastily tapping on its bright screen. The next thing she knew, he was already talking with someone on the other line, his eyes searching for the elevator buttons. Hand on his hips with an unreadable expression.

“Reiner?” there was a small pause, “I need to talk to you about something, are you at the office?” He sounded pissed and nervous at the same time. Upon hearing Reiner’s reply, he answered with so much displeasure,“What do you think I’m fucking worrying abou—”

He stopped when their eyes met.

\--

Seeing her again felt so damn unrealistic. His heart started to throb in fear, eyes grew in exacerbated surprise. At that moment, he wished nothing but to hear the elevator’s signal that would open its doors. He was in a desperate need to save himself from the bugging conscience that tries to eat him alive every time Annie comes into view; may it be the reflection of her memory inside his mind or worse, the real deal.

The real her, alive and solid. The very woman who became a fervent reminder of infidelity and deceit. The major threat to the only thing that he was taking care of, the only thing that keeps him happy and alive. Annie is a threat. A threat to his bond to Mikasa, to their marriage, to Carla, to his family.

And he hates to think that Annie was taking effect.

Right now, he really needed to get away from her.

Reiner was calling out for him, and that was the time when he immediately hung up. His hand gripped his phone like that was the only remaining hope he could find. He just couldn’t bring himself to simmer the fuck down. She was right in front of him and he wasn’t so sure if he can stand past another floor with her.

Eren was the one to sever their staring contest. Just by looking right at her icy blue orbs felt like a sin and he couldn’t bear tainting his conscience without even dealing with the previous one.

_Fuck. Fuck it all._

Complete silence hung in the air between the two of them, neither dared to speak a single word.

Eren was losing his shit and he wasn’t so confident if he could keep himself together. There was a tremendous amount of uncertainty and hesitance. There was nothing much he could do. Listening to the only audible thing he could find was a stupid idea, his heartbeat drumming against his chest wasn’t so much of a help either.

“You don’t need to act like a damn loser, Yeager. I didn’t know _that_ was quite an issue,” she said firmly.

Eren thought she’s not one to break the silence. Annie was always a cold-hearted girl who doesn’t give a single fuck about anything else. He took back his thought about her not having any significant change at all. He knew it. Aside from that sultry look and that intimidating aura around her, he must know she’s also changed deep inside.

But then, he knew she was only mocking him, her voice was filled with so much contempt. Well really, he wouldn’t try to question her habit of kicking people with words and physical strength. Unfortunately for him though, he could never find any advantage against her.

Eren couldn’t possibly be more than relieved upon hearing the noise that would help him escape. He headed to the door, preparing to take flight as soon as it reveals the other side. Twenty first floor it is, huh? He could just take the stairs and make his way to the thirty eighth without suffering. Putting up with the tiresome flight of stairs will be much more bearable than being with the same place with Annie, let alone in an enclosed tiny box that could hardly supply a huge amount of oxygen he needed for the anxiety he was actually feeling right now.

He saw her hand reaching towards the elevator buttons, manipulating it so that nobody would be able to access from the outside. The door barely opened. It shut itself together then brought them past another floor above.

“What are you doing?” He hissed, suppressing a scream. Hell, nobody knows what he could possibly do right now. Aside from the disastrous talk with Historia, he couldn’t be more than pissed. Annie was the sole reason of the trouble he was dealing all this time, though he knew he just couldn’t run away from that awful dread of avoiding somebody.

But then, he couldn’t bring himself to face and confront her so soon. There’s so much to fix and he has yet to deal with the unceasing weight he feels in his heart whenever he finds the opportunity to confess to Mikasa. It was painful. It was too much for him because in all honesty, he could never imagine doing something like that to her. It was so frustrating he easily gave in to his ex-lover’s temptation.

Damn, nobody could restrain themselves if it was Annie, especially when she openly confessed her feelings and was _only trying to_ _catch up_ with the time they have lost.

“You know, we’ll often see each other from now on and you can’t be all too jumpy when I’m around.” She said, not looking away from the buttons on her hand. “I didn’t know you can be so repulsive, Eren. Why is that? Am I becoming a distant reminder of a memory that should have never existed?”

Her words irked him to strangle himself because damn, was she right. He hates to admit that she was strongly taking effect. She’s messing him up batshit crazy and he didn’t know what to do.

Eren decided not to give in. It wouldn’t be a rightful thing if she could easily provoke him like she herself wasn’t affected at all. Like he was the only one who thinks it was sinful. That it wasn’t much of a big deal.

No, he wouldn’t allow himself to be the only one suffering. He needs to free himself out of this hellhole.

“I have a family, Annie.” He said, trying his best to sound calm and composed. “Didn’t I tell you I was married?”

“No one has to know, Yeager.” She tilted her face upwards to meet his eyes, “Unless you’re that proud you did _it_ with me, no?”

Eren pursed his lips in anguish. If she was a guy, she’d most probably be on the ground right now. But shit, this is Annie. Her face would never meet the ground if he was the only opponent.

“What are you trying to do?” He caught her wrist in an attempt to remove her pressing fingers on the buttons. He was gripping her tightly without any vile intention, but then their skin contact was electrifyingly unjust he wanted to apologize to Mikasa right now.

She glared at him, her eyes shooting sharp deadly daggers. She looked like she wasn't even contemplating whether to knock him down in an instant.

“Have you forgotten you left me in that inn like I was a fucking comfort woman?” She said in utmost disdain. Her hands met his arm which was holding her. “I understand how big of a cheat you can be. Now, I’m having second thoughts about our relationship back then. Were you faithful, Yeager? _Are_ you faithful?”

Annie twisted his arm with all her might, seeing him cringing in pain. There was a hint of amusement in her eyes and he didn't hesitate to hold back when he knelt with his right knee while tending on his darned arm. Stifling a moan of despair is pointless, he won't be fucking alright for the next few minutes of his life. 

“I never cheated on you!” He groaned in pain, trying to maintain eye contact with the blonde girl in front of him.

She looked like she was taken a back for a second. Her eyes grew a little bit bigger, unraveling that cold expression she usually has. Her eyes avoided him, hands traveling back to the numerous elevator keys.

“Should I be honored?”

“No.” He firmly said, standing up and was still clutching his aching arm, though his act of _regenerating_ himself was futile, “You don’t have to bring the past back.”

“But how could you accept my feelings _that way?_  We went even further.”

Fuck. He wouldn’t deny Annie was so fucking great in bed. He’d be lying if he says he regrets every second of what they have done. She’s so fucking good and sexy and- wait, he shouldn’t be thinking this way. He only missed his wife, the only person who could provide him the pleasure he was aching for but unfortunately, Annie was the one who came to his aid. Hell, he’s so fucking ashamed for not keeping his needs under control. He felt like a total loser.

“I’m sorry for giving you the wrong assumption.” He managed to say, looking up to see the doors opening. He didn’t even hear its noise. Glancing at the side, he saw the floor number.

It was the thirty-eighth. Man, do they share the same workspace now, and it was only then that he realized she was also coming to the same floor as him.

Fuck. Just how bad could this day possibly get?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, Idk about you guys, but is anyone here still rooting for the legal wife (Mikasa)?


	7. Restraint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This world is cruel and merciless... but it is also very beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! I've made several drafts in this chapter but I wasn't feeling all too good about my work after so many tries. Aghhh. And warning (more like a spoiler) There's Dark!Eren here. 
> 
> Anddddd before anything, I want to say you guys are so awesome! Thankyou for leaving your feedback on the comments section! Every time a kudo/comment notif pops up on my mailbox, a 45% chapter immediately becomes... well... 75% finished? Lol. Moreover, let me tell you about that "mini poll" from the previous chap. Well, it wasn't a poll but asking you guys to choose between Annie and Mikasa for Eren wasn't at all relevant to where this story is going (This isn't an interactive fic) TvT" just to make things clear  
> Please enjoy and... I've warned you about Dark!Eren, read at your own risk!

“Hey, aren't you going to answer that?” 

“Would you shut up for a bit?”

“Oh? Look who’s tensed. Must have been a bad decision to place both…” Ymir trailed on her own words as Eren glared at her in pure contempt.

Must have been a bad decision to place both what? Both people who never had the chance to say their formalities—to finally end something that was supposedly done and finished and should be forgotten and never ever be dug out of the surface of the earth—with each other?

 “Say it.” He said in gritted teeth as he hid his phone away from Ymir who kept on prying on him for about a few minutes the moment he entered the office right before Annie.

Ymir chuckled, moving to work on her own cubicle beside him. Her smirk never died down while she looked across the cubicle in front where Annie was seated.

“I won’t pick a fight today.” She whispered mockingly towards the anxious Eren.

“You knew everything about this, don't you? What are you planning to do?”

Ymir turned to him, her eyes a dangerous glint of brown. Moving closer, Eren could see her freckles across her sharp features. He knew Ymir wasn’t the fairest enemy to begin with, and fighting with her would cost him a lot—like a lot—of trouble he wouldn't want to face.

“Do I look like someone who gives a damn about your stupid tear-jerking dilemma?” Eren swore Ymir was about to smack him in the face. She looked so pissed, and he thought her insults must have been some kind of a mechanism in preventing herself from causing a ruckus. Damn that ruckus. He don’t want to be involved with _her_ ruckus.

“To start it all off, you and Annie. I really thought you guys are cool and... for fuck's sake, Eren. That was like ten years ago? You guys aren’t as interesting as before.” Her tone was cynical. An image of Ymir as a delinquent high school romp popped out of his mind as if reminding him that she wasn’t someone to be messed up with.

And heres a thing: Armin has this alarming talent of talking to anyone’s subconscious, mindfucking any bit of sanity you have left for yourself. On the other hand, Ymir was different. She can surreptitiously destroy your life with just a “little” modification together with her well-off girlfriend who, after all, turned out to be as vicious as she is.

Choosing one over the other wasn’t really a good idea. Perhaps being on the same side with Armin can hopefully save him from jeopardy. Then again, Ymir was a selfish gruff who prefers leaving her side of the coin blank.

“Beats me, I wonder what will happen if Mikasa happens to find out. You wouldn’t even pick up her calls because…what? You’re afraid she might find out about Annie?” she huffed, her eyes a pair of blazing daggers which isn't really far from actually cutting him up in two.

There’s no way he was afraid of her, matter-of-factly. Hell, he’d let her stare him to death any given day but maybe… just maybe… it was his paranoia that keeps on pestering his fucking mind like an annoying clock which endlessly spits out a damned bird, constantly reminding him that he was so fucking doomed.

She hung her head sideways, as if expecting any sort of realization from him. “Are there any feelings that keep on bugging you? You look shittier than you usually are.”

Eren was about to crush the soda can in front of his computer. Ymir was right. He has feelings that keep on bugging him. Feelings for Annie. He didn’t know if it was hate or desire but he was certain he has feelings for her. Neither was good. He wouldn’t want to hate her. In fact, he’d learned to see her as an important person who molded him into the man he is today. He wouldn’t want to hate Annie. 

But desire? That’s another thing. And he wasn’t so certain how to feel about that.

“Sometimes, I wish I could sew your mouth shut.”

He knew he wasn’t good at keeping things from Mikasa. She’d find out soon enough, and there’s no denying it. He’d be damned if she discovers anything about Annie. He wouldn’t want to lose his family. He wouldn’t want to hurt Mikasa, he wouldn’t want to disappoint his daughter. He has self-respect for himself and his reputation. He isn’t a womanizer.

And damn, of all people who could give him some little piece of advice—no, some blaring wake-up call, Ymir has to be the one who does that. If he wasn't sane enough, he'd probably tell Armin. But no, all he did was give in to his emotion, allowing Ymir to guess what he was actually struggling with. 

Really, though, there's no denying it. He can feel that terrifying panic boiling inside his gut as he feels himself waver just of the thought of Annie. 

* * *

Sighing, Mikasa walked languidly through the busy hallway, her brows furrowed. She wouldn’t want to be upset when she didn’t even know what’s there to be worried about. Eren rarely ever ignore her messages, let alone any of her calls. She wouldn’t want to be a bother so ringing him up for the fifth time might be a little annoying for him. She just couldn’t understand what’s going on in his mind these days.

Mikasa was about to send Eren another text message however, she’s starting to realize that he might be totally dissing all her texts and calls. She was certain Eren was ignoring her for reasons she didn’t have any idea of. Was he upset about not finishing him off earlier in the morning? Well, that wasn’t reasonable enough. Eren rarely gets mad about their sex life.

She arrived at Levi’s office without so much of an interest with what’s happening in the company. Now thinking about the crisis in their business wasn’t helping her emotional state. In fact it was eliciting some kind of a huge migraine. She wasn’t at all concerned about the company’s heap of trouble but then, Mikasa never ever saw the day where Levi would struggle in handling all these tremendous problems all by himself. He never liked the idea of managing this whole damn Ackerman business, anyways, but seeing him unable to contain his distress was unusual. After all, she knew he’d never want to bring their company on its pathetic state. Mikasa loved seeing him suffer but practically speaking, she wouldn't have anything in exchange if Levi himself couldn’t handle this serious problem all along.

“What am I supposed to do this time?” Mikasa queried, looking at her superior who was now standing up.

“You take care of everything while I’m gone.” Levi said just before sipping his tea and placing it on his large desk. The afternoon sun was illuminating his feature and the bright light seemed to trace his silhouette, just like the moon has elapsed the outline of the sun.

“Where are you going? How long?” Mikasa took the chair in front of his desk, scanning the place like she’s never been inside his place before. Piles of documents were towering his table and really, she'd hate to take his position and deal with all those paperwork for a while.

“I’ll make a way to fix this mess.” He replied cooly, “You stay here and take everything under control for a whole month. I’ll entrust our family’s business to you.”

Levi motioned for Petra to do something and in a split second, she had files on her hand that looks painful to look at. But well, that’s the least she could do. She wouldn’t try to complain and mock him off—atleast not for the meantime.

“I’ll be gone starting tomorrow. Petra will help you out.” 

“I’ve never heard of this. It’s not like you for taking action without even planning ahead.”

Levi furrowed his brows, looking through the glass wall that shows the skyscrapers in the city. His tea dangled between his thumb and his other four fingers as he glared down at some of the tall buildings that couldn't really par with their own.

“Consider this an emergency, Ackerman.” Levi said, “I’d appreciate it if you do your work properly. Your world isn’t supposed to stop when you can’t get your head over something.”

Mikasa stared at him, taking a grasp of what exactly he was talking about. She can’t believe she looked so obvious. She knows Levi has this weird yet sometimes accurate assumption of her slacking off and being extremely uninterested at work whenever she’s having problems with Eren.

“What I’m saying is, stop moping over  _that_ bastard.”

 _That_ bastard. Eren was _that_ bastard he was talking about. Mikasa couldn’t quite comprehend the tension between Levi and Eren. She’d never know. And as much as she wanted to find out, Levi wasn’t a man you could easily drag out of his comfort zone and reveal everything. According to her constituted assumption, he simply doesn’t—and never—in his entire life would bring himself into liking the very person Mikasa chose over her career.

In a matter of seconds, her phone vibrated on her pocket, as if forbidding them not to talk ill about the subject of their conversation who was actually the one calling right at the moment. She knew who that is, and now she couldn’t quite figure out why he’s calling her now. She can always reject the call, making him feel what it feels like to be ignored. Too bad, she wasn't raised to hold grudges. She just couldn’t help not to take this one important call from him no matter how self-controlled and self-composed she appears to be.

“What are you up to?” She almost snapped once she stepped out of Levi’s office.

“Hey, Mika. I’m quite busy and—”

“Eren,” She said firmly, each syllable was an embodiment of her chagrin “What are you up to?”

“Uhmmm— It’s just… It’s just… I’m busy, and—”

“Do we have something to talk about? I feel like…” feel like what? Upset? Anxious? Deluded by her make-believe assumption that he was indeed ignoring and lying to her? Just what exactly does she feel? “You’re just busy, right?

“Mikasa, please. We’re both at work and… we can be very busy sometimes.” He sounded so anxious and Mikasa couldn’t set aside her doubt.

She knows he’s lying. She’s seen enough of his reddening ears quite a few times ever since he went back from Russia. He tends to talk really fast and stutters every now and then. He averts his eyes away from hers whenever he has the chance to. His kisses was sloppy and… different, and the nail marks and scratches on his back? No, she didn’t want to get started with that.

There’s meaning behind all that, yet Mikasa refuses to agree with her gut instinct. He wouldn’t hide something from her. She knows there isn’t anything coming between their relationship. 

At least that's what she would like to believe.

“Okay, I understand.”

They were both busy, but she keeps on making time for him. Just a little encounter with him would be enough since they only have very little amount of time spent with each other for an entire day. A text message or call isn’t too much, is it?

“I’ll pick Carla from school once I’m done here.” His voice was persuading. He sounded like he really was very busy and that he’s rushing off to fetch his daughter from school as soon as he possibly can.

She said nothing. She wasn’t really the type of person to be very bland about her feelings. She rarely ever speaks frankly but when she does, all her feelings that are surprisingly bottled up together would be very painful to pour out. Now isn’t the time to tell him how she’s starting to doubt him. And convincing herself that he was indeed a little off these days wasn’t even effective. There’s no way he’d lie.

There was silence on the other side. She knew Eren’s still there, probably unsure of what to say or do, but she couldn’t care less. She just can’t formulate her words since she has so many things in her mind that aren’t really considered very healthy.

“I'll be here at work ’til midnight. Take care of yourself and Carla for me, okay?”

Mikasa hung up the phone, wanting to forget about her suppressed emotion. She was really upset of the fact that as always, she’s that understanding wife who gives way just to avoid trouble. She never wanted to stir any conflict between the two of them so silence can sometimes be very helpful. Her shoulders dropped as she collected large and heavy breathes. Gosh, this is so frustrating. Her stress at work might just be the reason why she’s feeling this awful right now.

No, she can't blame Eren. He's never done anything wrong. It's just all inside her head.

* * *

“Fuck!” He hissed, slamming his phone on his desk. The screen might have been broken because of the impact it has received from his fury. He immediately regretted half a second later, not daring to check if it was indeed broken or not. 

“Hey, hey, you can’t go around cursing and breaking things here.”

Eren ignored Ymir, grabbing his coat and heading to the door in the distance, not even minding to finish his paperwork since really, he wasn’t that busy in the first place. His eyes then shoot up daggers when he met Reiner along the way, making a comment about how pissed his faced looked.

“Yo, Eren, you’re scaring everybody.”

Ignoring Reiner as well, he unintentionally caught Annie’s eyes. He quickly turned away, deflecting as if she was a roaring and sweltering fire that is very hard to look it—his eyes couldn’t take it.

He hastily entered the elevator, dropping him off the parking area then he quickly made a run towards his car in an attempt to fetch Carla as soon as possible. The poor girl was always been the last to be picked up among the other kids in school. But then, he never heard his daughter complain about it. In fact, her face would always light up whenever she sees him in the distance, forgetting about how scared and lonely she must have been.

He drove fast, estimating the time he’d arrive in the kindergarten. The orange glow of the sun was lighting up the whole sky. He wasn’t that late.

This wasn't the first time he’s had trouble in communicating with Mikasa. Literally, and figuratively. He tried to be as sweet as he can towards his wife, right after the  _incident_ with Annie. He knew he loved Mikasa, but the feeling that keeps on haunting him like crazy was like a huge barrier towards being transparent and trustworthy for her once again. He didn’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve this.

Why isn’t she coming home until midnight? Is she upset? No, does she even think about coming home? Is she leaving him for good? But how did she find out? Fuck. Look at all the trouble he’s engaged himself in.

No, there's no way she'd leave him for good.

He was getting insane about today’s subsequent events that were like a reminder of him to settle the issue with Annie. He can’t just straight up tell Mikasa how he fucked Annie like crazy and that was the reason why he couldn’t be reached in Russia. Damn, he can’t fucking do that.

All he wanted to blame was Annie. Why is she here? She had no good intentions upon coming here, does she? Is she after him? Is she… pregnant? Please, no, fuck. He’d be damned. As much as he never wanted to hate her, the thought of her ruining his family is so enraging. Now he wished he never did  _it_ with her.

Perhaps it would be wise to tell Mikasa everything. With that, he might come off clean and well, he could just collect his courage and tell her that it was just an accident? That he didn’t like it? Of course not, he _shouldn’t_ like every single bit of that ridiculous encounter because well, he’s supposed to be contented with Mikasa. No, he’d definitely choose Mikasa over any woman he’s crossed paths with.

Regret was pouring out of him like a river of madness. If he’d only walked away from the restaurant where they talked about the past, if only he hasn’t offered to bring her safely at home, if only she hasn’t talked about her feelings, if only he had enough resistance with his manly urges, if only she simply wasn't just an ex-lover. He wished he never met Annie again. Fuck.

* * *

As soon as the car engine died out in complete silence, she haven’t lifted a finger to finally remove the keys and immediately get out of the car. She sighed, allowing herself to breathe and bask in the complete stillness of the night. Mikasa couldn’t feel her shoulders for a brief moment. Her mind was totally overwhelmed with today’s happenings. The approaching problems make her overthink too much. She knew it was inevitable. It’s going to be really hard. Her head throbs just by thinking about handling the whole company for a whole darned month. 

She put a hand on her forehead, leaning back. She loved the quietness tonight for it was a complete opposite of her tired mind. Her thoughts keep on whispering all the future events she might have to face, ensuring her that she won’t be having a good amount of rest and sleep for tonight no matter how much she needed it.

The house looked peaceful at night. The lights dimmed in the front porch and still, she wasn’t giving any sign about coming out of her car and finally enter the house. Mikasa eyed Eren’s car that was lent to him by the company where he works. It was parked just beside hers in an open space at the side of the yard. 

Now that Eren has come to her mind, she gathered all of today’s happenings between the two of them. They started out just fine. Their morning was so full of love and cuddles and she wasn’t expecting for a change of his mood the entire day. Would it be best to ask him about what his problems are all about?

Once she stepped outside, the warm evening breeze fanned her face like a greeting. She slowly made her way towards the door, silently fumbling on her keys and unlocking it afterwards. She checked her watch and read 12:05 in the midnight. She wasn’t really sure if Eren’s still up, but well, she didn’t want to see him for the meantime.

As soon as the door creaked halfway open, she saw nothing but a pair of green abyss staring intently right back at her like a bold predator. The dark was nothing but a mere prop ready to aid his display of revulsion. He was looking at her with so much contempt and she couldn’t recall the last time he glared at something so loathsome, he’s ready to lunge any moment from now. 

Mikasa, for a brief moment, wasn’t able to hide her uneasiness over her husband’s contemptuous glare. She couldn’t believe how she has become the subject of his extreme fury, for she has never received any form of his aggression directly thrown at her.

“E-Eren…”

Her voice shook, refusing to believe that it was him. She couldn’t believe this was Eren.

For the record, there was absolutely no major crisis in their relationship this past few years, save from the little arguments and bickering here and there. She couldn’t help but be uncomfortable—scared, even. She couldn’t understand where he’s coming from. The fact that her mind seemed to jump into different kinds of conclusion was starting to bother her to an extreme. A dangerous idea hovers above her head like an irritating nimbus, and there’s no way she could easily get rid about that thought if he keeps on acting weird ever since—

“Eren?” She cut her own train of thoughts before she could manage to conjure her make-believe assumption. She pushed the door wider, entering without breaking eye-contact with him. She heard the door shut itself behind her, the unspoken challenge of not tearing their eyes off one another never ceased.

His shoulders tensed at the sound of his name, like he was halfway into shuddering. Mikasa’s eyes spoke in confusion but his eyes screamed in heightened anger.

“Y-you…” he started, teeth gritted in what seems like a suppression of his aggravated emotion “You kept me waiting.”

Mikasa couldn’t hold back a sigh, blinking a few times before allowing herself to relax. His anger wasn’t understandable. The look on his eyes was very dangerous but then, no matter what happens, he was supposed to be a haven of comfort and security. She must not feel like she was unsafe around him.

She closed her eyes, withdrawing a bit so that her back meets the cold wooden door. Her eyes met the floor for a brief moment, unsure of what to say.

“Where have you been?”

Her eyes shot back at him in an instant. His tone sounded malicious. There was a hint in his voice that tells—demands her to tell the truth. Mikasa felt extremely disappointed. She felt like she was being accused.

“I’m at work, Eren. Where else do you think I’ve been?” She replied, unconsciously holding back her breathe. Her heart was starting to hammer agonizingly and for a brief second, she felt herself choking back angry tears. “I thought I told you I’ll come late.” 

“Weren’t you supposed to be at home a few hours ago!?” He hissed as he—to Mikasa's suprise—grabbed her forearm, gripping her tightly. She could feel her skin starting to meet the surface of her bones as his pressure started to intensify.

Mikasa was holding back her strength so that he won’t be sent flying across the living room. She’d hate to argue with such nonsense and his anger right now is very very irrational. She wanted to jab her fists on his head to wake him up of his foolishness. She couldn’t see the big deal about this subject since really, they’ve talk on the phone about this.

“Stop. Eren, you’re hurting me!” She exclaimed in a reduced noise, making it a pleading whisper. She tried to back away from his touch but his grip was still so strong, she’d be forced to smack him off dead. 

She could tell that he was in a state of some kind of a stirred-up emotion. He’s overthinking too much and she thinks of the possibility that he might only be projecting his anger on something that has nothing to do with her. At least she hopes so.

But still, Eren never acted this way towards her. Her heart sunk at his gratuitous upheaval. They needed a long talk in a different circumstance, with pacified feelings and without any obscured opinion of something negative about the other.

“Tell me, where were you?” His grip loosened, but still there was pressure. His eyes conveyed nothing but fury and Mikasa couldn’t stand looking right back. Especially now she knows that indeed, she was the subject of his anger.

“What kind of question is that?” She angrily hissed, trying to maintain her composure as hard as she can.

“Are you angry I wasn’t able to text you the whole day? Is this why you don’t want to go home because you’re fucking angry!?” He slammed his other hand on the door behind her, but her eyes remained on his, never giving way to his furious upbringing.

She was surprised at his action. This is by far the worst way of questioning someone, let alone all the death glares and the accusative remarks she never expected was all coming from the man she’d swore her life to grow together with.

Silence hung in the air as they stared at each other. Mikasa did not intend to answer all his nonsense questions because she couldn’t believe he was actually yelling at her in the middle of the night where their daughter could be awaken and subsequently show up and witness such sight.

Eren’s eyes sparked aggressively for a moment, but his shoulders relaxed as he leaned onto her ears and whispered with a very hoarse and somewhat intimidating voice, “What do you want?” 

The hair at the back of her neck started to be swayed off by the words imparted by Eren. She closed her eyes for a bit, feeling her forearms being gripped very tightly again. She opened her eyes and saw him inching closer towards her face, their noses brushing against each other. 

“Tell me, Mikasa. What the fuck do you want to happen?” He said against her lips, and soon they were connected. The feel on his lips on hers is as harsh as his hands were gripped very tightly on her forearm. He tried to push his way in, but Mikasa did not reciprocate, unsure of what to do. Her heart was beating so fast and her head was screaming in pain and in anger, she didn’t know what he’s trying to do.

He did not stop kissing her ravenously until she felt the outer side of her lips soaked in saliva. He went on his ministrations, not giving up on his unrequited kisses until he grew impatient. Mikasa felt his tongue forcing itself on her closed lips. His eyes dangerously lit up, as he recognized her full resistant on him. He bit her lower lip as he nibbled endlessly like he was deprived of food for days. He shivered as he gathered his strength to bite wherever he wanted. He continued on biting, licking, biting, sucking, biting everywhere, and Mikasa did not expect to taste copper as soon as she yelped in pain. Then, he successfully got inside her cave. 

His tongue roamed at the insides of her mouth. She started to reciprocate his kisses when she felt her tongue roll on his, stifling a moan every now and then. Emboldened, he went back into roughly devouring her mouth, biting her again until she bled  _again_. 

“Hmmm!” She tried to push him away, using her free hand that seemed to be surging in power the more she tried to invest on it.

Eren caught her other hand, both his hands started to take her wrists and clung at the top of her head. He went on with his kisses, not minding the amount of blood she was actually losing. He was about to bite at another location of her now swollen lips when she overpowered him and pushed him roughly, he stumbled a few steps back, he almost fell on his knees.

She probably looked like shit. The taste of her own blood was subduing her entire mouth and she couldn’t help but to feel sick about it. Half of her face was probably drenched of her sticky blood, she was so distressed about her husband inflicting injury on her like crazy.

“I thought you wanted this,” Eren recovered, taking a few steps forward, touching her shoulder and rubbing it back and forth. “This is what you… want…right?” He said in between kissing the underside of her jaw, trailing kisses on her neck. He slid her blouse off as he peppered kisses down her shoulder and back again at her neck.

“I’m trying to compensate here.” He said, his tone conveyed no ounce of compensation.

Mikasa felt him sucking on her as he fell silent. His kisses became rough, sucking and gritting his teeth on her skin which isn’t supposed to be painful for Mikasa. But then she knew he was doing all of this to punish her. He didn’t want to compensate nor pleasure her. This was revenge.

Before she knew it, the corner of her eyes started to dampen. She felt her brows strained up as she pleaded for him. It hurts to see him like this. A memory of an old sadistic Eren lingered in her head. A memory she never wanted to recollect.

“Eren,” she whispered. He stopped halfway through, seeing his eyes softened at the sight of fat tears trailing down her cheeks. 

The tears never stopped right there. It flowed continually on the same path it travelled all along, accumulating themselves at the outline of her chin. She tried to hold back, hold back really hard that her jaw started to shake in the vast pool of melancholy she was feeling right at the moment. She wanted to punch him—no, she wanted to hug him. Embrace him tightly and ask him what’s wrong, make him feel like there was absolutely nothing to worry about, that she knows he didn’t mean to hurt her. 

Gradually, his hands completely left her skin. A tingling sensation lingered at her wrenched wrists. Her head dropped, hiding her face away from him. A slight sob escaped her lips as she tugged on the cloth of her arm where his hand gripped before. 

The stillness of everything wasn’t the least bit soothing. She wished Eren would reflect on his action and realize that this was wrong. He didn’t need to do all of this to hurt her.

“M-Mikasa, I’m— I’m…” she heard him stammer, hands grazed towards her, unsure of where to touch. “I’m sorry, I—I…” 

Mikasa gathered her strength. Her heart hasn’t decided to slow down, as well as her short and ragged breathe that was starting to hurt her way too much. She looked up to see a genuinely concerned Eren, his eyes wasn’t that of fury anymore but the sudden struck of realization and horror.

It was too late. He cannot retrieve himself from the injury he has caused her.

She could not feel her voice as she attempted to speak. He waited, standing nervously like he was about to be executed.

“Eren, why—why are you… being like this?” She croaked, her voice shook at her own question.

Indeed, why is he acting like such a petulant asshole? She would never admit but, ever since he went home from Russia, she could patch up some weird things she’s noticed on him. He’s been acting really weird and dodgy all the while. She intends to find out everything. He’s emotionally broken and she wouldn’t blame him. He can be aggressive towards anything but never to his family. 

She knew she could counter his strength but she just can’t hurt him in any way possible. She wasn't able to put up a fight and hurt him while he roughly forced his way in a few moments ago. If doing so makes him happy, don’t so be it. It hurts, but she loves him too much not to oblige to his need—well, that sounds very unhealthy. But it wasn’t a need. She knew he needed her in a different way. There’s something in his mind and he feels completely devastated. She knew better than shoving him away. She could feel his unspoken plea. 

Now Mikasa has this very strong gut feel that indeed, there’s something big—something wrong. Something she'd never let him face all by himself. And she wanted to fix him, not break him even more.

But instead of embracing him tightly, she felt her hands surging in power. Then it happened. Her hand swung in the air, she felt the intensity of her strength collected on her palm as his cheek collided with the very source of hand who tried to mold and nourish him into the person he is today.


	8. Unfragmented

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come back to me and be my mess, Eren. Not hers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm pretty late but I hope I could make up with you with this update. Enjoy!

Maybe it was the gentle yet subtle warmth of sunlight that has managed to seep right through the curtains. The lurid sunbeams were casted by the looming hues of Carla’s room which was filled with the matching melody of blue and purple. It was pleasing to look at. The scent of familiarity percolated over her, reminding her that everything’s right where she expected it to be—that there’s nothing to worry about— that everything’s falling onto its rightful place.

At least everything that she has hoped that would last for a lifetime.

Mikasa shifted on her side, only to be greeted by her daughter who was splayed rather ungracefully on her bed. Long ebony tangled with the lightly colored sheets, legs and arms spread wide— almost like an eagle. Like a sloven eagle. And just like her father.

Oh, yes, who else could she have taken it from, anyways?

Well, maybe the slight sound of Carla’s breathe has woken her up. She’s probably shifted her sleeping position at least a hundred times and Mikasa’s surprised she’s even managed to sleep until morning.

She sighed, then smiled. Then stopped half-way through, her lips contracted in extreme yet tolerable pain as soon as she felt the lacerations that has been given to her unfortunately by the loving husband who has promised her to be as loving as he is just like their first encounter with love.

She heaved a deep breathe, her arms found their way to rest gently on her swollen eyes.

Perhaps it was the salty and sickening taste of copper that has continually settled themselves on the tip of her tongue the whole night. The tantalizing scent of her own blood was sharp. The thought of how she has obtained the cruel wounds on her skin and lips have sent her gut budging in extreme uneasiness and disbelief. Her heart stung, head getting all numb and heavy about the unpleasant memory that has occurred last night. As much as she’s trying her hardest to shut off each and every scene in regards with Eren’s predatory gaze and extreme fury, her chest kept on getting heavier the more she exerts effort to push said thought away.

It wasn’t until moments later that she found herself sobbing. Endless teardrops raced down on her cheeks which seemed to be competing against the other teardrops that has become the embodiment of her grief and sorrow.

Bullshit. That was just a damn bite on her lips and some boundless sucking on her skin. But damn it. Of all things that she didn’t want to be the cause of any of their fights, being accused without any reason at all would be the last thing she ever wanted from him.

Eren sounded so mad. He was mad because he thought she’s lying— she’s lying that she wasn’t at her office. He most probably thinks she’s seeing other men, which is so fucking ridiculous because aside from the fact that she’s never and will never be… cheating on him, his remarks were so sudden. He’s completely lost it. Just what is going on with him these days?

Mikasa tried to catch her lightly snotted breathe as softly as she can in order to prevent Carla from waking, who was now shifting on another position yet again. She sat upright, finding her way out of the room as quietly as she can. Though she can guarantee that her daughter isn’t really a light sleeper, the truth is that she just couldn’t afford waking somebody else in this house. She can’t see him today. Seeing him won’t do her any good, she probably won’t be able to compose herself in her condition right now.

The door was locked for only one reason last night. It’s probably easy to _not_ sleep together with the person who's caused you a mistake— a mistake that is very hard to fathom, a mistake that must have stemmed from something else— Something unnatural and chaotic.

But she will find out soon enough.

Opening the door was surprisingly hard. She half-expected him to be out on the floor, wilted by the long wait and is finally ready to talk to her and willing to clear everything up.

But she was wrong.

There was no sign of him outside the room, not even on the hallway or on the distant stairway. She thought he must have been exhausted last night. There’s no reason for him to wait and what? Face such a grueling aftermath of the incident with an extremely unthinkable confrontation between the two of them?

Mikasa shook her head, wiping some of her dried tears while proceeding on the top of the stairs. As she reached the bottom, she unfortunately was quite dismayed after seeing no traces of her husband. Well, as much as she’d wanted to deny, not seeing him must be a relief for her trembling mind which has been causing her a lot of trouble due to her constant overthinking.

That’s right, she should be relieved. Not seeing Eren would prevent her from reminding herself about such an unpleasant memory. She needed time to block those thoughts away. She wanted to feed her thoughts with his bright side. The Eren that has thought her the very depth of her own emotion she never knew existed. That way, she might be able to forgive him just so she could be at peace—so she could give herself ample time to think.

There was this growing disgust inside of her as soon as she was about to make her way towards the nearest toilet with the hopes to clear away all the taste of rust on her tongue and the thick dryness of her lips in a rush. However the smell of food attracted her, prompting her to follow the path towards the kitchen. Well, that was tough. Aside from being surprised of the fact that Eren might have prepared breakfast for their family, she was surprised her heart leaped in… excitement? Moving closer, she expected him to be dressed in apron, basking in sunlight as he tends on the food on the countertops. The strong scent of omelette and waffles were fresh and inviting. He must have worn a faint and rueful smile as he shows his peace offering. A tender jolt of happiness stroked her heart as the scene invaded her mind.

See, that’s what Mikasa Ackerman is. Unfortunately, those kinds of gestures do have the power to wash all her husband’s wrongdoings and she can easily forget about it all. She’ll play the role of the loving and understanding wife at the end. That’s what happens every time, even though they rarely ever fight on big stuffs like this. She can see that he’s compensating for his actions, and here she is, ready to surrender on the name of love. For that little glint of effort done only for her— for their little family. For that simple gesture of keeping them together.

Then again, she was wrong.

There was no Eren around. His rueful smile that seemed to taunt her wasn’t going to happen in real life. In place of Eren basked in sunlight as he tended on the kitchenware was only the sight of freshly cooked food on the table. Then, nothing else.

There was this kind of longing in her chest that has been stabbing her heart the moment she got out of Carla’s room. She’d learned to hate him overnight, and she’s feeling guilty for it. Now for whatever reason, not seeing his face as the first thing she sees in the morning was disappointing. Her heart sunk at such a cruel thought. She needs to fix this as soon as she can.

Mikasa looked around, still hoping for the sight of him. To her disappointment, he wasn’t really there. Eyeing the steam coming from the food on the table, she realized that he couldn’t have left this early, no?

Before she could even make her mind to check their bedroom, she then soon realized that she can no longer hold the cringe-worthy taste of her wound settled right on the surface of her torn lips. There she goes on the kitchen sink, made a quick rinse, then proceeded on walking up the staircases towards their room, feeling herself exploding and imploding at the same time. Any second from now, she’s close to lunging at him, thanking him for such a sweet gesture, peppering him up with hugs and kis—no, damn. She’s supposed to be angry, isn’t she?

She’s supposed to wake him up of the nightmare that must have been devouring him whole these past few days now. She has to assure him that they’re together with everything. He isn’t alone with whatever reason there is that he keeps on stressing about.

Twisting the knob to their room wasn’t easy. Her hand clutched the doorknob for a solid minute, her eyes resting on the white surface of the wooden door as her thoughts became hard and deadly.

She half-expected him to be inside, preparing himself for work. Though it was early, he must have been readied himself by now. She was bracing herself for what could possibly happen right after she twists the very doorknob that serves as a portal towards Eren.

But much to her surprise, her strength and courage weren’t at all enough to propel herself onto opening the door in a short snap. Instead, her eyes grew wider in alarm. She gasped quietly, her fingers stilled on the cold metal when she got a hold of his voice from the other side of the room.

“I’m not afraid of her, alright? I just don’t want to talk to her because it feels so damn wrong! That’s not at all okay. Mikasa won’t be okay if she finds out anything about her.”

From the solid mass of the door that separated the both of them, Eren’s voice seemed desperate on the other side. The traces of his naturally deep and hoarseness of a voice revealed his despair with all his tone and tempo. He was like pushing away all sign of anxiousness but for Mikasa, his attempts are pointless. She can read him without even seeing him.

Well, that’s pretty rare—no, it’s quite infuriating. There was this kind of feeling that has started to spark up inside of her as she thought deeper about it. Why would he feel uneasy talking to others, specifically a woman? Why would it feel so wrong? Mikasa might have been a jealous wife sometimes, throwing sarcasms and giving him cold treatments right after a silent argument about any woman who seemed to have taken interest in him. Now, she’s quite amused. He didn’t want to aggravate their relationship maybe that’s why he’s all anxious about it. Eren would never talk to her about this matter but the feeling of a little bit of uncertainty rose up on her chest. No, Eren won’t let anyone get in between them. No one, certainly. Not any other woman.

“Look, look. For fuck’s sake, Armin, I know that you’re good at yanking out all the answers that you want from people but do me a favor and like…don’t even try.” He paused. There was silence for a fraction of a second and Mikasa thought he might have noticed her shadow under the gap between the door and the floor.

This is absurd. Eavesdropping on her husband’s and best friend’s conversation like a paranoid psychopath. Eren trusts Armin so much and perhaps it can’t be helped. They’re talking about a certain woman maybe he just didn’t want to wake that angry fire of jealousy inside of her. Nice move, Eren.

Nice move, indeed. Going to the extent of pinning her on the wall and biting her up senseless just because he’s anxious because of that damned woman? Did something happen between the two of them?

Mikasa hasn’t realized the fact that everything has completely stilled. There was no sound of everything, not even the beeping of his phone on the other side. Her thoughts kept her astray and she haven’t even girded herself for the very moment when the door swung open, they _almost_ jolted in surprised at the same time. Well, yes, he jolted in surprise at the sight of her. His eyes grew wider, hands frozen on the knob as his other hand stopped half-way through fixing his tie messily. Mikasa on the other hand, has her hands on her side as soon as the door flung itself away from her. She pursed her injured lips as she avoided his gaze who in return was also avoiding hers.

A moment of silence reigned between the two of them, unsure of what to do. She was about to walk away when she suddenly remembered her silent resolve just a few minutes ago.

“Good… morning, Mikasa.”

“M-morning, Eren.”

They said simultaneously, almost cutting each other’s sentence off. She eyed him this time but he, on the other hand still refuses to meet her gaze.

The tie on his neck hung clumsily around his collar. His brown hair was tussled like it normally used to. Though his eyes were very slightly bulging, those weren't the pair that has only been awaken for quite too long. In fact, he looked like he hasn’t even had a good amount of sleep last night.

“I-I…” he spoke, darting his gaze on her lips. Then slowly shook his head in what seemed like a massive amount of frustration. “Are you… alright?”

Mikasa, who’s been imagining him with a rueful smile just a moment earlier depleted in a second. Her eyes fell on the floor between them. She didn't want to make things any harder for the both of them. She’s way past that shy and futile partner in their relationship and she has to assure him that he's not alone in this journey.

She then took a step forward, and to her surprise, he took a step back. It must have been an act of guilt that has overshadowed him the whole night but damn, it hurt for real. Your love running away from you as you attempt to reach out for him? Damn great. It didn’t feel so fine.

“Eren,” she said very softly it was almost inaudible. Her shoulders felt heavy, her chest felt exhausted and now, to her exasperation, she felt like crying. _Again._

He stopped on his tracks, now staring at her in horror and in shame, perhaps. She wanted to soothe all his guilt and shame away but with his actions, it was evident that as much as she also wasn’t ready to see him today, it might have been the same for him.

“Mikasa… I—” he managed to say, his voice cracking.

“Eren, it’s fine” she let out a half-hearted smile but winced in pain as she felt the wound on her lips again by which he jolted _yet again_. “I’m fine… There’s nothing to worry about.”

His hands ventured on her side, her skin was ready to feel his touch once more. She wanted to forget about the way his skin felt against hers last night. All she wanted was to feel that same old Eren—her Eren. And she knew this was the real him. Sensitive, misunderstood by many sometimes but he’s caring and understanding. She totally knows that he mean no harm. She knew that he didn’t want to hurt her.

He however feels guilty with what he’s done. She knew he can’t help it, and she’s happy it’s that way. Maybe that’s because he didn’t want to lose her that’s why his act of retraction was a realization of torment that was such a cruel blow up for the both of them.

She was taken aback when his hands reached for her, his eyes roaming her neck. His marks must have left deep colored bruises all over. He eyed her lips. Damn, there it is, that look on his face again.

“Let’s get you prepped up for now.” She muttered as her hands reached for the tie on his neck, carefully tying it as neatly as she can, like always.

As she tries to do her work quietly, she can feel Eren’s stare on her. They were so close. So close at each other that he might have counted her lashes or the marks on the wounds on her lips while he’s at it. Well, the latter won’t be reasonable enough, for those red scraps on her lips would do nothing but only remind him of his own violence.

Mikasa sighed inwardly, preparing herself to something she wasn’t ready for, yet she half-expected Eren to do. He gently— very gently grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him. Their bodies touched and the strength he’s poured upon the embrace almost choked Mikasa out breathless. His arms wrapped around her protectively. His hand on the back of her head, the other wrapped around her waist, then his head rested on the crown of her own.

His tight hug was more than enough. This would compensate for every mistake he’s committed. Everything. That’s always who she is. She’s always let love blind her even if violence and abuse has come her way. Eren, however wasn’t at all violent and abusive in any way. She believes she’s known him for good. Enough for her to trust him. Enough for her to forget such upsetting scene inside her head. Together, it’s more than enough. They’d face all his senseless dilemma until everything falls back on its rightful place.

_Yes, on its rightful place._

_Together_

—

What did he ever do to deserve her? To have this woman who keeps on resisting the urge to loathe and detest him in spite of what he's done? It feels so wrong to touch her virtuous skin. Her eyes were the orbs of madness that seemed to fawn over his mistakes—over the very depth of his subconscious where the image of himself and Annie lay together in such a traumatizing mirror image of their rented room. Who is he? Just who the fuck is he to inflict those unpleasant marks and bruises all over her delicate skin? Who the fuck does he think he is when he never had second thoughts about making her cry? Those pair of eyes has been the embodiment of strength and power and…concern— for him and their family— and she only had to spill such mournful tears because of a jerk that he was.

All because of him.

Wow, what an asshole.

He’s done enough thinking of all the reasons why he’s become such a stupid asshole towards his own wife who did nothing but to secure the best for their family. Damn. Yesterday was exhausting. Aside from the fact that he was completely stirred up by Annie’s presence, the thought of himself ignoring Mikasa all because he’s completely lost it was damn too much to endure. Fuck.

But seeing her like this, all forgiving and understanding and still ready to welcome him in her arms—he might as well confess. How could he be so sure, though? There’s no guarantee if he can still keep his family despite all this. Heck. He’s never done this before.

As soon as he loosened his tight embrace around Mikasa, she gave him a small smile, as if telling him that everything’s alright, conveying something like she’s forgiven him with his unspoken apology.

Ah, that’s right. Who the fuck is he to inflict such cruelty to her, you say? He’s the guy who’s blown her up for good. He was the chosen one. The one who was more treasured compared to all the riches and the stupid materialistic dreams of the world. Mikasa chose him. Many things awaited her. From all the heirlooms up to her own hard work upon reaching her dreams, he managed to weight more than that. It all vanished away the moment he stepped onto her life—right after he’s shown her all the uttermost hatred he’s felt in his whole life, right after realizing that every single thing that matters aren’t in the past anymore. And right after helping him put him back into pieces, he’s never felt what it feels to be the same old outrageous person that he was.

He was a mess. And he’s gone through the shittiest process of mending his broken pieces together. If it wasn’t for her, he would have been nothing but a failure. If it wasn’t for her, he would never know what it feels to be cared for—to be loved without anything in exchange. He wouldn’t have strived for a future, yet she was the one who showed her that there’s something he needs to look forward to. His future. A future with her.

“You don’t love me.” He remembers her exact words as the memory of the past invaded his mind, bringing him back to his demolished room he calls his shelter. “Not yet.” Her eyes were the very same pair of eyes that has calmed down the raging storm inside of him. And if she wouldn’t stop looking at her like that, he might as well drown in the depth of his own conscience.

“I’m always on your side. I will always be, but that doesn’t mean you’ve learned to love me, Eren. You feel nothing but grateful.” She looked like she was about to break down and as far as his mind could take all the blurry images of his past, he believes she was firm on her own romantic feelings towards him back then. However, she was different. She became a strong person to prevent herself from being hurt, just for him to cover up his own wounds. “Only you can fix yourself. I don’t want to be involved with your unresolved feelings all because you know I’m just here to help you fix yourself.”

He knew she was hurting as well. She must have fought all her urges to confess her own feelings and just finally be together after all those time. But no. All the while, she wanted all the best for him. She wasn’t dumb enough to live in such a make-believe fantasy where the both of them could live happily.

Because of her reluctance to just settle for less, he’s fallen deeper. Harder, even. And he’ll never ever see the day when he’ll broke out of his own spell.

“You’re a mess, Eren, but I don’t mind you coming back to me when you’re still a huge mess.” He remembers how torn he is between being happy of still being welcome in her arms and being sad all because he’d have to go through the process of _completely_ getting over Annie.

But still, Mikasa deserves better than to be a mere cover up with the huge hole in his chest, but because of her, he’s managed to feel something again. Something else apart from emptiness and rage.

“Come back to me and be my mess, Eren. Not _hers_.”

—

Then there laid the distant reminder of his ruthlessness towards her. Those love bites that didn’t look like love bites at all looked more like it was meant only for the sole reason of making her suffer. And those lacerations on her lips weren’t just some cuts here and there. He’s bitten her enough to lose almost a third of her lips. Those wounds were deep and dilated. He can’t believe he just did all that.

Damn. What on earth ignited him to accuse her of something so fucking atrocious? He suspected her of spending her time with some other man. He’s had that direct accusations of her lying.What the fuck? Was that supposed to be some sort of projection? He was the lying partner not her. He was the cheating partner not her. Why the fuck is he being hugged back and given a fond smile like she was the one comforting him with all of his stupid mess of a conduct? Heck. He’s not supposed to be taken care of with the person who did nothing but love him the best way she can, only to be cheated on in exchange.

He knew it. He didn’t deserve her. He never did.

He stared too much he could feel his thudding heart and his frown getting more apparent as he thought about regretting every second of it. Before he even realized all his actions, his fingers grazed on her injured lips, pondering heavily. In what way could he make it up to her? He can’t possibly be such a lowly bastard who’s played the role of an abusive husband. No, not him. Not towards Mikasa. She deserves more than this.

Mikasa moved her lips, she was about to say something but immediately retracted once a small noise was heard. Eren took out his phone, reading the message that he never expected he’d receive at this time of the day.

**From: (Unknown Number)**

**_Thanks_ **

And he immediately knew who it was.

It was _her_.

It was Annie.

Yes, the Annie he was trying to avoid these past few days.

It can’t be helped. Guess she just have to walk in on his life again.

Damn it.

Then she'll make him a product of such a fucking mess, just like the way how she fucked him up so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit that I was having a little setback with updating, but the new chapter in the manga has me fawning over grown up Eren like a madman! 
> 
> PS Goodness. Why is Annie thanking him?  
> PPS C'mon, now. Tell me your thoughts about this chap!


	9. Rogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How can you love someone who mends and breaks you at the same time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warnings (Domestic abuse, Suicide, and Self-Loathe)**  
>  **Graphic Depiction of Death and Violence**  
>  Edited: The first version has been very vague. I hope this one's better! I'd like to thank [sempaiisshit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sempaiisshit/pseuds/sempaiisshit) for the very constructive criticism and for letting me see what I have overlooked! Thanks for being awesome!

She knew she was a disappointment. A visage of a total failure who could never manage to please anyone with just about anything. The world could have been a better place if she’s not around. Everything could have gone ever so smoothly if she ceases to exist. Her destroyed sanity must have been spared, her skin wouldn’t have become a patchwork of reds and violets which nastily mirrored those exact unpleasant marks with that of her mother’s. She wouldn’t even question her purpose in life. At a young age, she wouldn’t have thought about giving up—more so getting all _confused_ about what could possibly take place after she dies.

No, it shouldn’t be like this. 

Reds and violets should have been beautiful. For Annie, those were the colors of winter—her favorite season of the year. Receiving exact copies—from the past eight years—of red knitted Christmas sweaters with a big violet letter A precisely adorned on the soft fabric was something to look forward to. She, however has become skeptical whether she’d even receive one for she doubts someone would even bother knitting such an intricate— _and silly_ — Christmas present. Her grandmother wasn’t there anymore. On the earlier time of the year, Annie has lost part of herself. Her grandmother’s were the only package of the biggest gifts underneath the Christmas Tree she was willing to unwrap on Christmas Day. She knew what’s inside; the exact replica of her sweater along with big stuff toys and candies. The surging excitement of tearing those wrappings away was long gone. Nothing could justify just how much she would like to be just as excited and happy as she was in the past.

Christmas used to be unforgettable.

Now she wished Christmas would never come. Aside from her father worsening over the course of time, she doubts there would even be a wonderful Christmas tree nor big and numerous Christmas gifts nor a simple Christmas celebration their family used to commemorate with tons of excessive and delicious food on the table.

She never really liked anything in particular but such celebration left a massive chunk of her heart in her grandmother’s grave—though she always has this contorted idea of _happiness_ and _likeability_ yielding the same thought.

For instance, she never liked sunflowers but seeing one makes her extremely happy. Her father used to say it reminded him of her blonde locks. Though he has blonde hair himself, he tries to convince her that her kind of color was that of beautiful sunflowers. It used to make her heart leap as she recalls the raw—and almost unimaginable— memory of her father’s gentleness back then. Such sweet words from her father weren’t rare when she was younger. Annie however couldn’t bring herself to like those things. All of a sudden, its dreary attribute has become a recurring nightmare. Up until then, she keeps telling herself that her father’s words no longer meant anything. _Nothing at all._

Sunflowers bring her happy thoughts, and she didn’t like it.

But really, what does liking and being happy have in common? Does liking something means it makes you happy? Does being happy with something means you like it?

The snow, on the other hand, reminds her of the coldness that keeps on enveloping the emptiness she called _the void_. It makes her wish the numbness on her hands would be the very same nothingness she could feel on her heart—and maybe that’s why she liked it. She’s suffered far too long to wish she’d become as cold as the brittle dust of snow. She wished she could be like the dreaded white pile of ice that could melt as time passes by and could finally find—evaporate— its way back to the misty clouds.  There were far too many wishes that she could pair up with the coldness of the snow and the chilly breeze of winter. Many wishes—she felt like wishes and desires are what makes humans _human_. 

But if you ask the ten year old little Annie about why she’s not at all happy with snow and the cold, she wouldn’t shrug nor nod her head. Her eyes that used to be so innocent and alive would fall and stare on her little hands, clasping it together as if there was something hidden inside that isn’t meant to be freed.

After all, when the first crisp of snow fell down the other day, she was brutally shoved out of their house while her mother was beaten to death she couldn’t even stand on her own. With nothing to keep herself warm, Annie’s never ever thought that dying on the first day of her favorite season would ever be possible.

—

Soft limp hands pushed stray blonde strands behind her ear. Her mother’s eyes were glassy. The reds and violets on her swollen face have spilled drops of blood. It wasn’t plenty, however. In fact, just a little trail of blood was present on her face. The rest of her body was hard to look at. She was probably—literally—breaking. Her mother hasn’t stood up for days. She hasn’t even had a fresh bath as far as Annie could recall.

Annie continued to dab the cold ice pack on her skin. It didn’t matter wherever she placed it. The wounds and bruises are everywhere, she could probably bathe her mom in a tub filled with thousands of ice cubes. Not that they could actually afford a tub, anyway—and even if it's possible, the cold month of January would only freeze her mother to death. It won’t be a very smart thing to do.

“Annie, dear.” Her mom begun, choking back tears while struggling to keep her voice steady. “Good job, my dear, good job.”

She wasn’t so sure if doing a good job meant obeying her father (about “not to _fucking_ meddle on his business” while he kept on kicking and thrusting his thunderous strength on her mother’s almost lifeless body) or just because of her treating her mother’s horrid aftermath. With that, she wasn’t exactly sure. 

“Stay still, Mom.” She huffed, gritting her bottled anger back on her voiceless reservoir.

The same blue eyes mirrored Annie’s, assuring her in such a way that could possibly convey her own feelings. Her mother smiled, face widening in such a pitiful yet genuine manner. Her own blonde locks sat languidly on her scalp, short and uneven. The remaining longer ones were scattered everywhere inside the house flooring, a sharp scissor sat on the dark corner under the dilapidated fridge.

Each and every corner of the small unkempt house was occupied with wrecked furniture. The stew her mother cooked for dinner was splayed all over the floor, swamping the breached wooden flooring all over the place. Earlier when his father kept on chopping her mother's hair, Annie couldn't do anything but to watch. The sound of the screeching and honking vehicles in the small street outside seems to have clogged the rest of her senses as she struggled whether to intervene or  not. The dogs in the neighborhood seemed to have grasped what was going on inside their home for they kept on barking, Annie was more than willing to deal with the noises than the cruel sight in front of her.

Just… Just what on earth did her mother do to deserve any of this?

“I want you to stay strong and alive. Be a fighter, Annie.” Her mother said, breaking the unforgotten silence, her voice cracking in between pauses, “I know it's hard for you, but believe me, you’re way bigger than you think you are."

Her tears must have stung as it rolled down her mother's cheeks. She was still smiling—the kind of smile that she's never seen before, the kind that she never wanted to encounter ever again.

"I'm sorry. You won't suffer for long, I swear. You'll be fine after I go, so be my strong little girl, Annie. I..."

Annie wanted to place a smile on her face—to reassure her mother that everything’s all right. She didn’t need to say that because… it sounds like she’s not going to be there for her in the near future. Her words hung in the air but Annie didn’t need to hear any more of it, especially not at a time like this.

“Where are you going? What are you saying, Mom? Come on, let’s get you changed.”

Instead, she wore a deep frown. Deeper than her thoughts could ever counter. She didn’t want to cry especially now that she needs to appear strong and reliable for her mother. After all, she’s the only one she’s got, and nobody else. _Certainly, no one else._

—

She thought that last year was the hardest year in her life. Just right after the sun crept upon the unsure weight of clouds at March, Annie even had the audacity to look forward for her birthday. Eleven years felt so surreal—she can’t wait to be twelve, thirteen, fourteen…then finally eighteen. She just can’t wait to have enough strength and finally—finally be freed out of her father’s grasp. She bet being fifteen years old will do.

Thinking about it, the future seemed so far ahead. She has yet to go through pain—a lot of pain that she inadvertently thought that being abused by one’s own father has to be normal at any circumstances. She hasn’t realized that it was too much. She hasn’t realized that dads have to protect their family from anything that might cause them a lot of pain—not show them the boundary of life and death in just a single beating.

Just as she thought that _that_ was the most that he could possibly do, finding her lifeless mom inside their room has almost halted Annie’s heart with the sight that she could never ever forget for as long as she lives.

The rope dangled from the ceiling which connected her neck—eyes wide open like she was woken up in reality only to realize that she’d have to change her mind. She has to change her mind or else… 

But that was it. The chair was kicked away, preventing her from actually changing her mind. Annie watched her feet drooping in between the hollow gap between the floor and her mother’s dangling feet.

_She’s gone._

Eleven. Today, she just turned eleven, and this was her surprise.

—

It took her father a whole solid week to internalize what actually took place. He was the last to find out. If he wasn’t the one who made her death look like a suicide, certainly, he’s the last to find out.

The blinking ray of sunshine in the middle of the day wasn't as appealing as how she expected it to be. On the doorstep, Annie watched her father setting up a huge tin in the midst of the snowy yard as he cursed and yelled at it like it was the most detestable thing he's ever seen. The rusty tin which looked like a garbage can has been filled with her mother's belongings. It wasn't much, though. She hasn't been in her healthy state of mind to bother purchasing new things and such. 

“YOU FUCKING WHORE! HOW DARE YOU!” 

Everybody suspected her father. He’s gone through a lot of legal undertakings to disprove the guilt that was thrown at him. It was until then that Annie realized that her mother _was_ wealthy. Well, they were a bit well-off back to the glory days of her father's sanity. Why on earth did she have to suffer so much? It's her fault. Her mother could have used her riches to escape… she could have lived a happy life if she hadn’t let her bastard of a husband control their messed up situation. She could have lived.

Ridiculous indeed, and Annie would even dare to say— _hilarious_. She was such a big joke.

Her mother was being an unreasonably loving woman to a malevolant man she calls her husband. She hasn’t used her brains all along. Annie was too furious to think about how stupid her mother actually was.

“GIVE ME THE DAMN LETTER AND I’LL BURN IT TO ASHES!”

Annie gritted her teeth, watching a dark smoke slowly rising in the air as soon as the contents inside has been lit. She marched down the heavy pile of snow, walking towards her father's direction. Annie was way too furious…furious enough to toss her mother’s suicide letter on the roaring flames inside the huge tin herself. _Stupid. That was stupid._

Well, she wasn’t stupid enough to burn the actual letter. She knew her father’s way of torturing people around him, so she devised a fake one herself—she hasn’t actually read the contents of the authentic one.

It’s something she can’t handle. Keeping it away from herself and the rest of the world had been the best thing she could actually think of.

—

It was another winter. Still, she was eleven. She felt like she’s aged for a certain amount of years but her physical body and legal rights aren’t actually sped up. School was nothing but troublesome. For the past months, distant people have become even more distant. Nobody really talked to her and she was used to it. This time, though, it feels a little emptier when she thinks about there’s certainly no one who could actually put up with everything about her. After all, she was just another scary messed up kid in town. She’s learned to like the title, but in the present time, it felt even drearier as it is. How dare she seek for somebody that would actually care? It’s fairly unimaginable. 

“Annie,” a familiar tone of cold voice crept beside her.

The sight of the classroom used to annoy her most of the time. At the present, it looked dark and gloomy, surprised at the fact that there were only the two of them—including herself— inside the room.

Without sparing a glance, Annie moved to gather her things and wished that home was far far away. Somewhere that would take three train rides and a steep trail to the mountains. She even wished to be stranded out in the rising mass of snow on wet roads.

Annie _moved_ a hand to bid her farewell towards the ebony haired girl in front of her, eyes locked on her like she was about to say something but too shy to spill it out. 

She withdrew her hand, hiding her bruises in plain sight.

“You can…” Mikasa trailed off, her eyes dropped on Annie’s side where her hands disappeared. “You can stay at my house, if you like.”

Everybody knows her situation after all. She hasn’t told Mikasa about her situation at home, but she knows. All of her classmates probably know. Her teachers, all the faculty staff. Don’t they have something in their powers to stop this?

Mikasa's long dark locks did nothing but to drop the atmosphere even further. Eventually, as the air between them stiffened, she averted her eyes anywhere but Annie. She must have realized that she absolutely has nothing to do about her. She was just Annie. Who was she to be bothered by anyone? Let alone by someone who has such a nice family orientation herself? but then here she goes, offering Annie a hand like she has the tiniest idea about what she’s actually going through. 

“Oh, sorry. I think that would only get you in trouble… wouldn’t it?” 

Annie resisted the urge to raise her brow in complete confusion. The urge to deepen her frown was also there, and—ironically— as well as the urge to tuck her lips upward for a small smile. She struggled to show just about any emotion. She has been feeling so numb these days. Why are these emotions all gushing with such a strong current?

_Stupid._

At the end of the day, she refused Mikasa’s offer only to go home and be beaten by her drunken father who supposed that she was her deceased mother. Nothing could ever describe how she feels. Even tears have refused to aid her undying grief.

—

Mikasa has become a friend to her, and her home was the warmest haven she could ever imagine. Observing her family, she learned that fathers aren’t supposed to harm their child. Mothers can laugh and be playful with her husband and child, and her child’s friend. Annie found out that as people grew, such _discipline_ from her father wasn’t at all necessary.

Through the years, she has managed to deal with her father’s unstoppable abuse. She’s grown up in such a violent supervision of her dad that nothing and no one—aside from him— could ever scare her to death. What else could be worse than all of this? 

She was thirteen and she learnt a lot. The booze was his weakness and she's become strong—way too strong for his drunken bearings. 

—

“Hey, Annie. What do you think about it?” 

She blinked, staring back at a freckled girl with deep dark eyes and fiery red hair alongside two heavily built chubby ones glancing her way. Two other girls gathered and joined the little group of teens as they made Annie the center of their gathering.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t listening.” Annie said, breaking their circle and walking straight to the classroom as fast as her walking speed could take her.

“You and Mikasa, you weren’t hanging out with each other lately.”

“Can’t you talk to her?”

“Tell us about the news! That was real scary!”

Annie held back the urge to punch the group of ignorant peers who knew nothing but to meddle on other people’s lives. She withstood the drive to pause and blink twice; these people who used to shun her away like she was a nobody were actually starting to gossip _with_ her—not _about_ her. She sighed. After beating one of her classmates in a pulp, she thought that would actually serve as a lesson for them. However, it seems to turn out that Mikasa’s situation has blown everyone’s minds off, they completely forgot about Annie’s misconduct.  

Without even reaching the door to their classroom, she stopped on her tracks, brows furrowed, eyes staring back at the multiple pair of eyes that has started to scurry away. That was the same glare she had when she decided she’d make a scene out of the countless mocking and teasing they did in the past. She should give them a piece of her mind—no, a sweet taste of her knuckles.

Well, she knew what happened to Mikasa—at least that’s what everyone’s talking about. She knew they weren’t in another deeper level to spit out major controversial things about each other’s lives. People thought they were hanging out with each other, and yes they do. Most likely, it is for the mere reason that they didn’t have any other choice but to submerge in each other’s silent presence simply because they’d prefer to keep themselves out of the crowd. 

“Hey,” Annie sat on the chair in front of Mikasa, the one closest to the window. She hasn’t realized how eerily quiet the classroom was when she started speaking, “Everyone’s talking about you.”

Mikasa didn’t dare touch her lidded lunchbox nor place her gaze on the person sitting in front of her. She looked awfully _in character_ in spite of the circulating rumors about her. “I’m not surprised.”

Annie leaned backwards, and then placed her own lunchbox on Mikasa’s table as she comfortably settled herself. “They’re starting to talk to me.”

“Now you’re not as interesting as I am.”

Annie hid a smirk, then started to remove the lid on Mikasa’s box. She was sending her usual cold glares but unfortunately, she wasn’t scared of her. Truth be told, though, she’s become curious of the fact that her lunchbox hasn’t looked merrier than just about a few days ago.

“You’re meaner than I am.” Annie replied, “People think I’m a lot friendlier than you are.”

“With that face of yours, I’m surprised.” Mikasa spoke, covering her lunchbox while staring dangerously at Annie who’s gotten a little uncomfortable upon looking at the lonely sandwich inside.

It’s not that she herself has a nice lunchbox to show off in the first place. She rarely ever cooks for her own and sometimes the left-overs given by those graciously good neighbors could at least suffice her midday meal.

However, Annie thought Mikasa hasn't had rice her mom used to prepare everyday. It used to have little vegetable decorations here and there, with some Asian cuisine Annie wasn’t entirely familiar with. Mikasa, one of the quietest people she’s ever known aside from herself, was more than willing enough to enlighten her most of the time.

Ever since Mikasa’s parents died three days ago, Annie was getting curious with the red scarf on her neck. She’s known her for quite a long time and she knew Mikasa wasn’t into those kinds of garments, though it was really a complete surprise. Rumor has it that Mikasa has been involved in the murder of human traffickers. That’s there is to it, and the extent of accusations towards the raven haired girl was sometimes taken to the extremes. People think she was inhumane. Just for a female teen, she was able to defend herself. For other people, she was just plain murderer. She never knew how severe sexism actually was. Isn’t it possible for a female to overpower several grown up men and killing them right off?

Annie saw the change in Mikasa. Sometimes she was passive, lost in thoughts, and she would grip the red scarf so tightly while in the verge of crying. Moreover, what Annie said was true. Mikasa became meaner, stronger, and a little scarier sometimes, but there’s something that could make her soft; clutching that red fabric on her neck. Annie never dared to ask what really happened. 

“My relatives will take me in.” That was the only response she got regarding the so-called _news_ everybody was so curious about.

Mikasa hasn’t denied anything at all. She does not flinch when people call her a beast. Still, the mention of parents in class was a sensitive topic for Mikasa. She couldn’t hide that face of sorrow towards Annie. She knows her that much to believe she wasn’t covering up that sadness in her eyes—even if they rarely ever talk about profound things such as _feelings._

—

She was about to have her fifteenth birthday when another surprise came. See, christmases and birthdays no longer meant anything for her. It was too grievous—a grand celebration that should only be celebrated with joy in one’s heart, away with anything but hatred. Living with her father was a living hell. There’s no way such a joyous event should be treasured together with him.

A letter came to her. Her grandfather has sent her the greatest birthday present ever—a letter, because of the elder’s obvious lack of knowledge when it comes to today’s technology. Annie could have doubted the existence of postal services in the present time. It probably took weeks to arrive at her doorstep. Luckily, her father couldn’t do anything at all mainly because his drunken stupor just wouldn’t allow him.

Wait, why hasn’t she thought about this? This was her grandfather’s short invitation to visit him once in a while. It's a great chance to escape away from her father and the harm he's inflicted upon her. Damn, it took a while. Perhaps he didn’t have any idea about Annie’s deceased mother. 

Annie stared at the last part of the letter, wide-eyed and disbelieving. 

_Please send my regards to your mom and dad._

Annie blinked after refusing herself to break apart— _all over again_. She scurried into finding the address imprinted on the untidy envelope, her grandfather's handwriting and the postal markings on the paper has her heart popping in disbelief. Annie hid a triumphant smile, thinking about starting another life in another place that's more than what she had hoped for.

—

Running away wasn't hard. Booze and different kinds of substances always put him into deep slumbers right after creating some ridiculously unnecessary upheavals— _the usual_.

Still, running away _was_ surprisingly hard. At some point in her life, he has become such a great parent. The greater part of him no longer exists, though. He was a dim relict of the past that she wasn't exactly sure if he ever happened in real life. He changed. She didn't know how or why—not that it matters, but anyhow, he's still her father. Nothing will ever change that stupid fact no matter what.

When given a great opportunity, she never knew that hesitance would run in her bloodstream—hesitance, a short pause to contemplate whether to leave and create a better life, or stay to suffer and die just like her mother.

Maybe she's selfish. It took barely an hour for her to decide that she'll live for herself, not for anybody else.

—

The moment she arrived at her grandparent's doorstep, she was greeted by her grandpa's toothless smile. He opened his arms as she slung her backpack on the side, accepting the warm gesture. The old man looked like a spitting image of her father, though her grandpa's dull blonde hair has completely fallen off. He barely has any white strands on his head.

Grandfather wasn’t much of a frail old man everybody visualizes as a saggy elder on a wheelchair. At times, he gathers and cuts wood all by himself to survive the winter, with Annie insisting to help by which he constantly refuses. She could only sigh. Instead, she helps setting up the fireplace. Its warmth felt so real and unfeigned, nothing like the broken heater she has with her father which only works when tapped constantly, which only seeps her energy into nothingness. 

At times when her dad was a broken pile of reeking mess, he’d come to her, push her out of the house and do the tapping of the heater himself until it worked. Too bad, he was too drunk to realize what was going on in his surroundings.

He sleeps right where he’s rooted, and Annie comes back to her room, wrapping herself in a tight bundle of thick second hand comforters.

With her grandfather, Annie was free with any abuse from anyone. She’s too far away from the person she calls home. With this place, everything’s new to her. Another chance to fill out a slate chapter in her life.

In her new school, though, she became _slightly_ barbaric.

—

There are different kinds of people that have managed to touch the nerve out of her only to be sent flying on the ground in a span of three-seconds. This time, those three-seconds _could_ possibly wait— not when the teacher was towering over her seat, palm spread open, glaring at her like she’s done the most disturbing thing amongst these High School students who knew nothing but to mess around and pretend that they knew what was being discussed in class. 

All heads snapped on her and her teacher’s way but Annie wasn’t even on her right mind to care. All she ever wanted was to find _that guy_ and beat the crap out of him. Three-seconds no longer mattered. He deserved it just as soon as she could make her way and teach him the right lesson.

“Don’t keep me waiting, Leonhardt. Phone.” The teacher demanded, her hand moving closer towards Annie. “And detention.”

Annie hesitated at first, preparing herself to some kind of excuse but when the teacher shook her head while constantly glaring at her, she gave up with a scowl and placed her mobile phone on her palm.

“Right, see me after class.”

The heat on her chest and face wasn’t even enough to describe just how angry she was right at the moment. No classmate was peeking at her—but some may have stolen a glance—and honestly, nothing in the world could possibly soothe her anger other than to beat _him_ senseless until _he_ could no longer feel _his_ entire limbs. 

Violent. She’s become extremely violent, thanks to her dad. But _he_ deserves it. _He_ should feel lucky she wasn’t plotting _his_ murder— _not yet._

The text messages she received were infuriating enough to send her into a painful bout of anger in just a matter of an hour—in a whole lecture, to be precise. Exchanging messages with _him_ was nothing but a severe pain in the ass. Much more when _he_ introduced _himself_ during their latest conversation.

[You should see how hot you are when you deliver that blow.]

[Honestly, I won’t really mind your blow ;) ]

[We should see each other tonight.]

Annie balled her knuckles into tight shaking fists as she remembered the contents. Well, that was uncalled for. Where did _he_ get her fucking number?

[Who the hell are you?] was the most reasonable response she could give. Whoever this jerk was, _he_ sure has the balls to mess with her.

[ _I_ was supposed to be a surprise but hey, it’s me Yeager.]

That was the last of it. Annie stared begrudgingly at the small device on her hand right before she was caught. Her eyes lit with so much anger she couldn’t stop imagining his face below her foot. He knew this guy. He wasn’t the most excellent player in the football team but because of his good looks, of course, he’s getting all the attention he has. He relied too much in his boastful head, how could he expect to touch a nerve and leave unscathed? How proud is he of himself? Not for long, Annie ensures. He’s going to get it. 

The school bell woke her up and prompted her to leave as fast as she can in search of this Yeager guy who has actually become such an unfortunate victim of Annie’s wrath. The teacher could wait until she shows up. Her anger couldn’t. That guy, he shouldn’t have done it if he truly has the brain to think in a logical sense. Everybody witnessed how she beat up people—guys especially—and this time, she really can’t see an excuse to spare that lowly life of his.

She marched down the hallway, clueless of where she’d go first upon finding the bastard. She could attack him on the spot. Damn, she could go in his class and beat him in front of a teacher. Is there something she’d actually lose? It’s not like dropping out of school could par with the pain she’s carrying for so long. She didn’t have a dream—much less of a future.

People started to make way for her, their eyes glancing on her direction, occasionally avoiding her painful glares and receiving her attacks. Well, that was the most rational thing to do. Entering the cafeteria was probably the only correct thing that has happened today, all her rationale has flown off in the misty breeze of spring. 

The target was on plain view. He was sitting on one of the tables, conversing happily with his other _cool_ friends. Other people—of course—would find them effortlessly attractive with that _uniquely_ stupid demeanor. And damn, who places their asses on surfaces where people take their fucking meal? Definitely not one of these stupid assholes. 

All eyes were on her when she got closer on the circle of those stupid jerks who deems themselves as the cool un-nerdy guys with such _amazing_ habits of messing with people through text messages. _One… Two…_ Annie counted. She was surprised she even had the sense to count _…Four… Five…_

She wasn’t far from him. Everybody on his circle froze on their spot, unwilling to handle Annie’s cold glares and unpleasant intention. They sure have guessed it right. She’s going to knock somebody on their group and too bad, it’s one of their stupid _role model_ who was actually a big pervert.

_Eight…Nine…_

Then that was it. Her knuckles met his face with a loud unsettling knock. A tooth or two has probably fallen off. His green eyes flicked the instance his body fell with a heavy thud. _Too bad_. Too bad indeed, she was actually aiming for his groin right after delivering a huge blow on his face.

Everybody went silent. The noise inside the cafeteria was reduced into a deafening and disbelieving silence. Yeager has probably fainted. All it took was one hard blow and Annie was actually disappointed. He should’ve lasted for a while. 

Then a soft voice rang her ears that would make her regret beating someone once in her entire life.

“Ymir! That was you! Tell her it’s you!”

* * *

“Yo, Eren, you’re scaring everybody here.”

In the present times, wiggling herself from the memory of the past, Annie's blue orbs followed the trail where Eren disappeared into the doorway, ignoring Reiner’s hopeless attempt to calm him down only to be shunned off like he doesn’t even exist . The sting on her heart started to fuss over her _severe_ symptoms of disappointment—and she daresay, anguish. She knew where it comes from. Just the thought of Eren distressing over something related to his family was totally… _disheartening_ —not that she’s _not_ known for her heartless persona, anyway. Is _she_ really that worth it?

It should have been Annie herself, had she ever paused and thought about the outcome—the reality of her selfish choice. She’s one to suffer, and she really can’t blame anyone just to soothe her unmet expectations. Not even Eren. Not even his family. 

This cruel jab in her chest just couldn’t possibly leave her alone. 

Is there any way to get rid of these feelings in an instant? How could she find the exact remedy without ever ruining his life? Without ever ruining what he’s worked hard for? The happiness that has settled within himself the first time Annie met his gleeful eyes back in Moscow was so radiant and overwhelming, she hates to admit that it is trying to slip away whenever she’s near. 

If she truly loves him, she shouldn’t let herself be the mere cause of his unhappiness.

Annie shook her head, unsuccessfully drawing her attention on the computer monitor only to be greeted by Ymir’s awful smirk. Her eyes pinned her blue ones, face resting on her palm as she suited herself beside her. The mischief in her gaze hasn’t even faltered once Annie gave her cruelest glare that could hopefully counter her blatant disdain. As much as she would like to reduce any type of commotion in her work, messing with somebody who has great connections in this company is totally out of the question.

Then there she goes, still wearing that unpleasant smile on her face just to piss the hell out of her.

“What do you want?” Annie finally blurted out, unceasingly throwing daggers her way.

Ymir finally snapped out of it, sighing on her borrowed seat with Reiner towering over the both of them and ready to claim his space. She chuckled, her freckles further annoying Annie with a distant memory that she shouldn’t be remembering right now.

“Thought you heard what we were talking about, I’m surprised.” Ymir stood, her expression changing into her _supposedly_ terrifying glare, “You never really changed, Annie.”

Annie shoved the unwavering anxiety that has long settled on her gut. She felt light headed with the constant prick of today’s failure of a first day in work. A huge bill post with letters etched on the massive area on the wall with their team name in a separate division called _Titans_ further aggravated her throbbing head. Who names their business intelligence group like that?

The amount of time she’s spent getting all worked up with Eren’s presence earlier had her even worn out. She hasn’t even exerted physical effort and perhaps it was more internal, she thought it was even more troublesome. Her emotions overwhelmed her for good that several minutes—or even hours—later, she felt a hand nudge lightly on her shoulder, Reiner getting her attention while he talked to the phone.

“Annie.” He was about to say something but stopped midway, as if somebody on the phone has warned him. “You need to get at a kindergarten in Rose.”

She raised her brows, unsure of Reiner’s words. Questions flooded her head like a stream of never-ending gush of waterfalls. She readied her voice, her throat uncomfortably vibrated after the long absence of speech.

“It’s Eren.” Reiner answered her unspoken query. He must have seen through her cold frown. “He’s with your dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if you have any questions! Squeezing a background story in a single chapter wasn't so easy, though I kinda enjoyed writing Annie. And about the writing, I'm sorry if I have disappointed any of you T_T  
> PS: I'll make up for it and next chapter will show us the main plot! Please don't be discouraged to leave me and this story TT_TT


	10. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m asking for another chance, Mikasa.”
> 
> He knew he didn’t deserve any of it. His words are stale, his actions invalid— yet his _love_ overpowered everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figures, I can't update more than one chapter a month! How terrible is that? smh.  
> Anyways, to avoid confusion, I'd like to inform you about the slightest bit of timeskip in this chapter. These interconnected skips in Eren's POV occurred between chapters 7 and 8, and after chapter 8. If you have any clarifications, hit me up on the comments section! <3

In what better way could he save his day from completely being brought into jeopardy? As soon as he made his way towards the old kindergarten that is Carla’s school, there stood a man so familiar yet he almost didn’t recognize him.

Of all people to come across with, this person was the least expected one he’s ever predicted to encounter. All his misfortunes were lining up in queue, bringing him the best of the best _worst_ case scenarios he’s ever foreseen. Shit. Just what the fuck is happening today? This day just isn’t one of the luckiest days of his life, he must admit. But why? He just can’t understand. Why? Of all people?

“H-hullo,” wrinkling lines were emphasized on the old man’s saggy skin, eyeing him sharply then proceeding on his way towards the kindergarten’s entrance.

There was a decent amount of distance between the two of them but for some reason, Eren can still hear the man murmuring all slurry words he can’t really process. The old man didn’t look like he was completely incapable. In fact, he had a decent posture and although he wasn’t leaning forward just like the typical elderlies, he was short and plump. His saggy skin wasn’t gone unnoticed. 

“Sir, Hang on!”

Well, he used to call _him_ that way. Back to the day when he was having such a hard time introducing himself to the father of the girl he so loved the most. He was surprised he hasn’t noticed. Did his appearance change that much? He’s expected him to be mocked and his dignity be torn into pieces by the very man who sung himself towards the school. It turned out, to Eren’s disbelief, that he wasn’t even recognized.

The afternoon sun touched its orange hues on the kindergarten up ahead. The tall buildings around them obscured the remaining amount of sunlight for the day. Eren moved forward, not even thinking twice as he tried to catch up with the old man, grabbing him almost forcibly, he apologized afterwards, moving as far away as he can.

The man turned, his foggy dark pupils were completely different with that of his daughter’s stoic yet vivid ones, although the very shape was an exact copy of Annie.  His brows sunk together, seemingly demanding for apology, annoyed of the disruption of whatever the heck he was murmuring under his breathe.

The man stopped, taking a few steps to turn and veer his body on Eren’s direction.

“Hullo,” he said once again. This time, Eren wasn’t so sure if he’s mistaken him for somebody named Hullo or Julio or what?

Eren hesitated at first, but finally made up his mind to take a few steps towards him as the old man stared intently, ready to speak in which Eren expected to be another “Hullo” for the third time.

“Hello, sir.” He finally said, expanding his lips for a faint nervous smile.

The old man was skeptical at first, his brows sunk deeper in the midst of retrieving his memory of him. He then looked at Eren, to whom was smiling nervously at the thought of Annie’s father finally remembering him.

“Hullo.” The old man said quietly, his head taking in the figure of the tall kindergarten building painted in blue and yellow in front of them. “It’s getting late. Have you seen where Annie went?”

Eren furrowed his brows, uncertain if his auditory sense was working properly. He couldn’t quite believe how calm this old man was. How could he possibly not remember him when he used to beat him up senseless in the past— made him his punching bag, when Annie first introduced him as her boyfriend? How could he—the man who never ever found his happiness, who kept on destroying his daughter’s life— forget the only guy who stood as Annie’s defense? Eren remembered how he tried to talk to him a few times. There was some setback, though. In exchange of that manning out, he’d have to whole-heartedly receive all his furious beatings that meant only to mock and humiliate him for standing up for some _filth_ like Annie. How could his unaided hearing forget the voice that has changed its series of octaves in every emotion he’s revealed whenever a confrontation ensues which involves himself getting in between Annie’s happiness?

“I—I’m not with her.” Was the only thing Eren could come up with. It seems like the man has completely forgotten him. His reaction tells him so.

And wait, why on earth is he searching for Annie in the kindergarten, anyway? She isn’t some kind of a part-time teacher, is she?

The old man heavily frowned, his lips pursed as he rubbed the back of his head, glancing sideways as if he’s thinking. That took him a moment until he gasped, almost screeching in response which sent Eren jerking in surprise.

“That bitch hasn’t taken my Annie, has she!?” He screamed, nose flaring in anger. “That little fuck!”

Eren’s eyes widened for a second, unsure of what to do. The man paced back and forth, grabbing his own head, occasionally punching himself in frustration as he muttered indistinctive noises accompanied with “bitch”, “dick”, and “whore” under his breathe.

The crease between Eren’s forehead deepened, disregarding the strange looks the passersby at the sidewalk has given him.

“Sir, I don’t think somebody has taken…” he gulped “…Annie.”

Eren fought the urge to growl at the people who actually stopped on their tracks just to take their time and see what the hell was going on. He eyed them dangerously. Those were the kind of people who obviously have nothing to do with their lives. His glares didn’t have the slightest effect on them… and really, how was he supposed to deal with this kind of situation?

“What did you say?” his gaze was caught by the same old man in front of him. Now he looked a little calm. Eren couldn’t say much, though. He knew he’s still capable of doing weird things.

“S-she can take care of herself.” Eren stopped when the man threw him a disbelieving glare. “…I guess.”

Eren’s eyes grew even wider when his eyes caught the figure of a little girl and a woman standing on the school’s metal gate. The sun has crept slowly, leaving a trail of faint light on the cloudless sky.

“Would you excuse me for a bit.”

He wasn’t asking permission. He was so done with the man’s banter amongst himself. People started to get on with their stupid lives, much to his relief. Dazed, he moved towards the school. He wore a nervous smile as he made his way towards the confused blonde teacher standing beside his daughter. She eyed him, then back to the old man behind.

“Papa!” Carla hugged his knees, the edge of her eyes damp with tears.

Eren casted a questioning look on the teacher. She was called Nanaba, as far as he remembers.

“She thought nobody’s coming for her.” She said, still eyeing the old grumpy man who was making his way towards them, his eyes eating away the remaining stoic face Nanaba was trying to maintain. “How may I help you, sir?”

The old man eyed each of them. His eyes swept behind Nanaba, peeking quietly as if  she was hiding something inside the building. Eren fisted his knuckles. Annie’s father has been acting weird. He refused to believe it was him.

“I’m here to fetch my little girl. Is she around?”

Nanaba eyed him, then Eren. A questioning look that he couldn’t quite decipher.

She smiled—something that was forced and a little _annoyed._ “I’m afraid not, sir. This little girl right here is the only one left.”

With that, Annie’s father seemed to have all the anger plastered all over his face. His eyes dropped on the ground, thinking.

“Somebody must have fetched her since the list of names has all been signed.” Nanaba said, a frown sat across her face as the man shook his head, hands on either side of his head as he fumbled angrily. “We’ll try to help you the best way we can. What is your daughter’s name?”

Eren studied the man like he was no longer Annie’s father. The nervousness from before have been completely wiped out and was replaced by what… _worry_? Confusion? What the hell is he supposed to do? Should he consider calling Annie? 

Nanaba pulled out a notepad that was surprisingly clutched on her hand ever since she showed up alongside Carla. The old man paused, seemingly lost in thoughts.

“Annie. Her name’s Annie Leonhardt.”

Eren blinked in utter confusion, a sure hunch invaded his head. He was sure that something’s totally wrong. He was sick. Man, why would Annie suddenly be a little girl waiting in the kindergarten?

“Papa, who is he?” Carla let go of hugging him, scrutinizing the older man’s face and soon, she looked so curious that she finally spoke. “What happened to your eyes, are you alright?”

Annie’s father pierced his attention towards Carla, hovering over her with an unreadable look on his face. Eren felt nervous once again. He dare to scare the shit out of Carla and this time, he wouldn’t really have the heart to console him.

Next thing he knew, the man leveled his face with Carla’s, bending with no such trouble. Eren took hold of Carla’s shoulder, ready to take her away in case he’d lash out and make another scene.

“My eyes are perfectly fine.” He said, not even bothering for a friendly smile, “Are you perhaps friends with my daughter? Have you seen the person who took Annie?”

Carla’s face lit up, a big grin plastered her face. “Annie? Is she the beautiful girl with blond hair and blue eyes?”. The grin never faltered. If not because of Eren who was holding her in place, Carla would probably leap in joy upon hearing the name.

“That’s right.” Annie’s father returned a smile, reaching out for her.

But before he could even reach the top of Carla’s head, Eren immediately took a hold of his hand—an impulse driven by fright. No fucking way. He won’t let him touch a single strand out of her hair.

Their eyes clashed as they totally froze right at the moment. He could sense Nanaba’s worried gaze as she seemed to study the situation first. Eren, on the other hand loosened his grip, flicking the hand out of his grasp. He hid Carla behind him as he watched the man retaining his standing height, the unpleasant gaze between them persisted.

“Mr. Yeager,” Nanaba sliced through the agonizing stare down between the two of them. “Can I have a moment with you?” she backed away, making a room for Eren to pass through the entrance. She turned his gaze on Annie’s father as she continued, “Mr. Leonhardt, it is, sir? We can discuss the details about this matter. For the meantime, please suit yourself in the waiting area, then you will be attended afterwards.”

Eren glanced at Nanaba and she didn’t look any more confused. Her face was calm and it seems like she has something in her mind, like she knows what exactly she was doing.

They were led inside the building, the lobby area awaited them. The chairs were lined up on the side, resting against the fancy yellows and pink as the color of the walls. The chairs were the very same blue as half the entire color of the building from outside. The area was small but ample. As soon as Annie’s father was quietly settled at one of the blue chairs, Nanaba led them towards the end of the waiting area. The hallway was stretched out from right to left, and they took the left one. Classrooms were lined up one after the other. Doors and windows were shut but the signs above each doors have caught his attention.

Soon after, Nanaba stood in a halt, facing him and Carla who was held closely by her father. Eren sighed, exhaling all the hidden nervousness he had from the entire encounter with Annie’s father.

“Who is he?” She said, the light yellow colors of the walls in the hallway almost matched her locks. “I think he’s not in the right mind.”

“He’s the father of  my… _friend_.” Eren rubbed Carla’s hair as he spoke. “and yeah. That’s what I’ve been thinking. Maybe he’s out of his mind.”

“Your friend, huh? He was a false alarm, then. I was rest assured that none of the kids have gone missing and he couldn’t convince me otherwise.” She said, her eyes darted at the way where they came from. “Can you call this friend of yours? They must have been worried to death right as we speak. Fetch him and let no one graze their attention off of him, maybe? He’d cause more trouble which may cause the authority into taking this matter onto their own hands. This isn’t the first time that he’s here. I was surprised and glad… mostly glad that you seemed to know him.”

Eren shrugged, following her eyes behind him. He can’t really stay calm around that man, with or without a good semblance of recognition from him. For a quiet moment, he finally broke out of being completely dumbfounded. Soon, his hand found the phone inside his pocket, fumbling through his contacts.

He didn’t even have Annie’s number, but he knew who to call.

—

After a rather uptight decision of calling just about anyone who knew Annie, he finally chose to tap Reiner's contact number on his phone screen. In spite of his usual disorientation, he—miraculously— managed to stop and think twice, aching about his choice of words. When Reiner finally picked up, to Eren’s surprise, their exchange wasn’t out of ordinary. Well, if ordinary means _not_ mentioning Annie’s name, then he doubted he didn’t sound at all high-strung— each syllable of her name was a fiery remnant of unwanted thoughts— and he didn’t have the slightest confidence to deny that he sounded jittery.

He felt his chest pounding. His interrupted caution was cut short when he wasn’t able to warn Reiner about revealing the identity of the person who found his father. Well, that wasn’t necessary. She’ll think she’d owe him something—which really isn't her nature—and another encounter between them wouldn’t diminish the odds of yet another _seemingly_ immoral acts.

“Alright, then. She’ll be here soon." Eren squeezed Carla’s shoulder, silently telling her about their departure. “…and he’ll be fine.”

Nanaba, who has her gaze pinned on the direction where they came from, swiveled cautiously. She looked like she was expecting for something _unexpected._ Eren could feel like she could be in a fighting stance anytime Annie’s father appears in front of them. Well, they can’t really fight a frail old man, can they? But damn, that geezer could fight. Old age probably has little to do with the raging hormones he’s left with.

“I don’t wanna let you deal with this on your own because… well, it feels weird to leave somebody you sort of known from the past and then you just kinda let other people take care of everything from here on out but,” he paused, surprised by all the words that have escaped his mouth, “…but we really have to leave.”

We, means I. Of course, he has to avoid any confrontation with Annie. Work seems to be an excuse when it comes to dealing with her presence… but any encounter without any relevance to work doesn’t sound appealing. Especially when he once made his work as a great excuse when a ridiculously haunting intercourse occurred between the two of them back in Moscow.

“In other words, you _really_ don’t want to be a total jerk about ditching a friend’s parent, but you’re still going to leave and make another person deal with this, anyway.” Came Nanaba’s voice as she stared at him like he was indeed the total jerk she was talking about.

“No, it’s just…”

“But Papa! He's Annie’s father, right? Can we stay and wait for the pretty girl that I told you about?”

“Carla, no.” Eren sighed. Of course… Of course, Carla has to whine about that pretty girl she was so fond of. Eren always find Carla’s obsession with blondes and blue eyes a little funny. If he was in a lighter mood—if the person that she’s talking about was an entirely different person, he would have told her that there’s no such girl as pretty as herself and her mom. He sighed again, feeling the weight in his gut starting to increase. Damn, he just have to deal with the very person whom he cheated with in front of his child—who seemed to be very fond of the woman.

Fond, yes—and it would be a surprise if the hearts on her eyes would stay afloat when she finds out how insanely stupid the _deed_ has been.

“I should have thought more about it.” He spoke, “Since you don’t have something— or somebody— to defend yourself with.”

Nanaba shrugged, then she crossed her arms across her chest. If Eren has to say something about her, she really didn’t give a teacher vibe. She talked to him rather informally, she looked like she won’t be dealing any of this shit if she has the choice, she looked at Carla with such gentleness but not to him or towards Annie’s father. If he were to guess, she’s more fit being a coach or a gym teacher in high school—not a hands-on kindergarten one.

“I can handle him just fine if that’s what you’re talking about.”

A subtle argument has occurred between the two of them, with Eren partially ashamed and nervous at the same time. Before he realized, time has finally ticked and soon, the noise from the entrance has startled the three of them.

He couldn’t contain it, but he will manage. He will get through all of this and everything’s going to be fine. He didn’t really have to worry about her. It’s not like she’d disclose about him fucking her like he hasn’t done for ages.

The pinks and yellows in the hallway has dissolved when they rounded a corner right towards the main entrance where the waiting area was located. Two pairs of eyes fell on his. They could have stared at Nanaba or Carla, but no, both father and daughter just have to stare at him at exactly the same time, with those eyes as familiar as where his past have been.

Annie appeared to have already checked on his father who was surprisingly a little less alarmed as he took his gaze off Eren’s and said, “Where have you been? I thought you’ve taken her away.”

Her eyes flicked from Carla to Eren. She looked nervous as well. It may not be very obvious with someone but Eren knew her damn too much—even with distance and time distorting their bond.

“It's me, Dad. It’s Annie.”

Her gaze never left Eren, and he was unsure whether he’d drop the unspoken glaring contest or just accept the challenge and win over.

But, really, what will he gain?  
Eren was alarmed when Carla hopped off towards her, standing way too close between Annie and her father. All of a sudden, he found himself taking a few steps forward, but was stopped when realization hit him. He can’t get closer—definitely not.

“Hi, Annie, it’s me! We’ve met before!” Carla grinned. Her green eyes sparkled in pure bliss while trying to keep a hold of herself. Eren thought she’d probably leap in excitement if she wasn’t at all nervous at the same time.

Annie leveled her face with the little girl, leading her a little farther from her father. She looked like she was scared her father would lash at Carla anytime from now, and Eren kind of appreciated it. Wait, no—

“Hello, aren’t you supposed to be at home now, Carla?”

Eren could never imagine Annie around kids. He thought she’d glower at them, tell them to fuck off and leave her alone. But that wasn’t really the case. The Annie from the past would do that but the present one seems to have cared.

Carla’s eyes fell as she spoke but soon lit up at the end of her sentence, “Papa came late. He’s over there, that’s my papa.”

She looked up, their eyes met in a fraction of a second, staring intently, neither of them willing to back down.

 

* * *

 

Standing right outside their room, with his wife looking at him and his clutched phone, Eren wasn’t sure if his quick attempt upon shoving his cellphone inside his pocket wasn’t much of a give away. Mikasa looked rather confused about him smiling stiffly like he was about to get ill. His hand found his collar, loosening Mikasa’s handiwork as if keeping himself from being strangled to death while smiling like a maniac.

Her hands fell on her side, looking like she was willing to listen to all of his worries. He couldn’t get any more guiltier than he actually was. He knows all too well that her soft expression is  pretty much exclusive only to those who share an in-depth relationship with her. He didn’t want to lose such privilege. But when it comes to him, her patience always amazes him to no extent.

Her eyes asked him if there was something wrong, and he couldn’t deny. He frowned. He couldn't admit either, and he was so fucking frustrated that he just wanted to dissolve out of sight.

“We could… we could talk some other time.” She muttered, her eyes fell to the floor.

“I’m sorry.” He meant it. But seeing her face falling even deeper, he knew his apology couldn’t quite make up for every single mistake he has done.

The stillness of the orange hues creeping in through the glass windows weren’t much of a help upon lifting the awkward and heavy air between the two of them. He hasn’t been mindful of the time. He wouldn’t be surprised if he finds out that the amount of time he’s spent staring at his wife turns out longer than the time he normally spends traveling on his way to work.

He knew that he has to say something. Just about anything for _that_ matter.

“Mikasa, I…”

He also knew that he has to get away, escape from the peeking eyes of inferno glaring at his soul.

“I did something.”

Mikasa looked like she couldn’t move either. Her obsidian eyes shot through Eren’s green ones, electrifying the remaining sanity he has left.

“I did something… I did.” He chanted very carefully. It was a bit pleasing to blurt out, to finally come to terms with himself that he’s gonna be true. He’ll stop torturing himself and fooling Mikasa. It’s way too much for her to handle.

But Mikasa wouldn’t be Mikasa if she couldn’t handle… rough _facts_ , no?

“Eren,” her voice was no longer a lullaby. It sounds like bell chimes for his funeral.

He felt like his courage has wavered. Looking into those eyes meant breaking her trust that has long been lodged inside her. He can’t lose her. He still has the chance to change his mind and retract from saying anything. They can forget having this conversation.

“Mikasa, I was with a woman.”

What more could he possibly hide? Saving his conscience means losing his wife, his family. Heck, he hasn’t even brought Carla a kitten yet.

He could have witnessed his family’s awe. He should have made the most out of everything.

The orange hues turned bright red, he wasn’t so sure. Everything seemed to have been tainted with red and black. He can smell his doomed path leading to hell, if there is any.

She didn’t say anything, but the look on her face seemed to tell him that she knew. She probably has known all along.

There was a pause, and it wasn’t some kind of a dead air that conveys nothing. The horrifying indication of his downfall resided, and so instead of jittering, he tried to compose himself and has chosen to gather the consequences of the outcome.

“What will happen?”

That was the most unexpected response he has ever anticipated. Unlike with his predictions, Mikasa hasn’t gone totally frigid, devoid of anything but with a slate piece of dormant rage. She wasn’t aggressive either. Not yet, probably. She could slice his neck open if she’s really into it, with the drive that propels her anger all because of his cheating ass, yet all she could say is this?

Seriously? Why is she asking him what would happen? She’s probably lost all words and here she is, asking her bastard of a husband about what’s going to happen.

“I—I don’t… I don’t know.” He was waiting for this. The time when he’d stutter in front of her, all because of a real jackass he knew he was.

“Are you leaving?”

Hell, no. Just what the fuck is going on in her mind? She seemed to have chosen the wrong words but damn, it felt weighing in every way. He felt even more worse and he hates to admit how her simple questions could drive him completely insane any second from now.

“No, Mikasa.”

“Then who’s leaving?”

“Nobody’s leaving! Mikasa, I wasn’t planning to break us down! Look, It’s just… It’s just…” He trailed down, his hands encircling his temples, occasionally ruining his groomed hair. Well, it came out a bit hostile when in fact his overwhelming fear was only putting him to an edge. His soul drained out of his mind, and there’s no turning back now. Is this really going to happen? “I love you, I love you, okay? Nobody’s going to leave. There’s no divorce, no separation! It was a mistake, Mikasa. I wasn’t planning to hurt you.”

“Eren, you just did.” she pursed her lips, not trying to be tactful but her eyes looked like she was refusing to let out the raging madness inside of her. “Aren’t you confessing just to save your conscience, Eren? What pain could it have caused you? Weren’t you able to sleep at night? Weren't you able to look at my eyes without remembering your…woman? Are we even happy, Eren? I think it’s just like what you said, it was a mistake.” She huffs, her eyes glassy but still, the self-control she’s got was insurmountable she wasn’t attacking him non-verbally just yet. “But a mistake would never be born if you’ve thought about the right thing to do.”

Eren sighed. He thought he’s ready, but hearing her sensical argument right now is valid. So true that each words make him so irrelevant.

“I’m not dating—”

“It’s _just_ sex, isn’t it?” She said, emphasizing the ‘just’ like she thought he didn’t know how grave his mistake was. “Was it in Russia?”

His eyes dropped somewhere but her, afraid she might see through him. But really, what more could he hide? Sighing inwardly, he couldn’t feel his tongue. He felt like his entire jaw has shut down when he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

“It was real. Those fingernail marks on your back.”

Alarmed, Eren looked at her. His eyes bulging in horror.

“Eleven hours. You were missing for eleven hours. That was it, right?”

How the fuck is he supposed to answer all her questions without feeling like a total dummy who didn’t know how to talk?

“The necklace you brought me wasn’t the reason why you’re gone. We’re no longer playing hide and seek here, are we? So I’m asking you, Eren, what will happen?” The coldness of her voice mirrored how everybody perceived Mikasa as. Her infamous coldness frosted each syllable of her words—freezing, rigid, and firm— and with this, he didn’t know how to react. “I’m not asking you in behalf of what’s going to happen to _us_. I know exactly what to do, Eren. So, you… what’s going to happen to you?”

“Mikasa, I don’t love her.” He tried… he tried so hard not to lash out towards nothing. Screaming was the best way to ease this terrible burden inside his chest but he can’t, not when he didn’t have the right to. “There’s nothing between me and her. Nothing.”

So easing his mind and trying to stand straight like this was nothing but a casual conversation was the best thing to do. Hell, is telling your wife that you’ve just had sex with some other woman ever considered casual talking?

“Of course.” She spoke, “Of course.” She stared into nothingness like he wasn’t even there, like she’s just talking to herself—to sort things out on her own. “Though, I wonder what made you do it.”

“I—”

“All this time, I was in denial. The solutions to all of my overthinking is right there in front of my eyes, yet I refused to believe—it’s too painful. I didn’t want to believe, Eren. And now, coming out from your lips… the dreaded confirmation— now I can’t act like I’m clueless.” She muttered, her small and torn lips pursed. “We were fooling each other, aren’t we? You cheating and thinking like I don’t fucking know, me acting like an oblivious loving wife when I completely am aware about what’s going on.”

That was it. A single curse out of Mikasa’s mouth mean something serious. He seemed like in a total state of delirium. This isn’t Mikasa talking, is it? The overwhelming amount of fear was flooding his mind. Is he going to lose her now? Is this it? Will Annie really be the cause of his downfall?

Without thinking, he quickly caught her hands in a desperate resistance to hear her declaration of divorce. He balled them into fists, her soft hands falling loosely as their fingers clashed together.

“Hit me, come on, Mikasa. Beat me up, you’re always good at it.” Her hands struck his chest as he guides them with his own hands, punching himself with the loose fists Mikasa was bearing. “Take your anger off by this.”

He refused to cry, no he won’t. Eren pants when hot tears leaked out from his sockets, streaming down his flushed cheeks and detonating the remaining weight of his rationale.

“Punish me with your own hands, just don’t leave. I can’t lose you and Carla.” He continued to direct her hands towards his chest, adding more force harder than the previous ones. His eyes pumped never ending tears as he spoke. “I know my apology won’t ever be enough, but I’m willing to straighten everything up.” He stopped, feeling shameful for his next six words:

“I’m asking for another chance, Mikasa.”

He knew he didn’t deserve any of it. His words are stale, his actions invalid— yet his _love_ overpowered everything. Another chance to forget his encounter with Annie.

Eren looked at Mikasa’s eyes, trying to decipher her. His heart stung, his hand finally unclasped hers as she retracted on her own. Dark eyes darkened, brows coming back together like it didn’t even furrowed the slightest bit, lips pressed in a thin line—he knew that kind of stare, he knew the meaning behind it.

And if he were a phoenix he’d burn himself out young, but for now, all he can do was break apart.

.

.

.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Just kidding! We still have a long way to go! Lmao.  
> 


	11. Scathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Guess where I am.”
> 
> A voice thick with an accent so odd and offbeat—words jumbled and over-pronounced— rang her ears. She couldn’t figure out the language that was spoken afterwards as it was spoken so fastly and heedlessly. She almost got carried away by the indistinctive one-sided conversation that has her almost furrowing her brows in perplexity.
> 
> A high-pitched laugh emerged for a second. As much as Mikasa refuses to pry a little way too much, she figured she didn’t have anything to do with unwanted information despite her curiosity on the particular language.
> 
> “So, have you found that Eren guy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I know I've promised people for an update and I'm really sorry for making you guys wait for so long. I've gone through a lot of shit in life that you didn't wanna know. But, here goes! I really worked hard on this one, I hope this lengthy (and really angsty) chapter could make up for the long wait! Enjoy!

It’s been approximately a week since they’ve properly exchanged words with each other. Their final conversation wasn’t unremarkable, of all things.That solid week—eight days to be exact— felt like months, and who would have thought she’d survive without any means of communication with him? It was a surprise she hasn’t gone crazy. Sober, no, but crazy? Not as well. 

For all she knows, cutting all the verbal contact with her husband wasn’t that difficult unless he becomes insistent—which would be a surprise otherwise. But to her disbelief, he wasn’t. Their routine was broken, yet she knew she’d survive.

Save from the fact that she was sleeping and waking alone in their bedroom, Mikasa _seemingly_ did her normal routine in the morning. She’d wake Carla up, prepare her for school, cook breakfast after telling her daughter to wake Eren on the couch (which wasn't always a good idea for the girl asks way too many questions all at once). They’d exchange morning greetings in front of their kid as if nothing has ever severed their bond. And that was there to it.  Nothing more, nothing less. And by the three of them settles on their meal (with Carla in her school uniform and Eren in his suit), she’d excuse herself to prepare for work.

The excuse wasn’t even for him. She’d tell Carla, “Wait for me in the car after you brush your teeth.”, and the girl knows exactly what to do. She knows which car. And for days, she’s never heard her ask anything about why she can’t go with her Papa on her way to school, or why aren’t Mama and Papa speaking to one another, or why they weren’t even sleeping together.

That was such a pain, though. Mikasa’s memorized all her alibi, she knew all the perfect words to convey. Her torn lip has been a great mystery to everyone ever since that night of a dreadful incident. What excuse could she have generated to vindicate her appearance, really? To conceal her husband’s concept of consuming her up whole just because he was so distressed with groundless accusations, she even came up with a ridiculous excuse of knocking herself out.

And really, how flimsy of an accident was it to just tear your lips apart due to… clumsiness, perhaps? Well, that was a very disappointing story.

Carla hasn’t spoken a word about them. It seems like she perfectly understood the situation as if she wasn’t the same kid who previously begged for a kitten and was placed between a situation where she has to choose between naming her soon-to-be pet after her mother or her mother’s friend.

One of these days, she really have to talk it all out with her daughter. Maybe just to prepare her for the worst case scenario. She couldn’t tell. She can no longer predict what will happen. Just a few weeks ago, they were happy. Later did she realized that it cannot be like that for a long time. For eleven hours, it turned into a tragedy. When Eren was _lost_ for eleven hours, that was the time when she truly lost part of himself. And that part of himself was where his love and loyalty for Mikasa resid _ed_

The car engines immediately roared to life as she sat and manipulated the machine around her. She readjusted all the mirrors and proceeded on finding her way out of the parking lot on their front yard. Next to her was the transfixed automobile Eren usually drives on his way to work. Carla rolled her side of window and waved her cheeriest goodbye towards her father who was just leaning on the porch, watching them with a small smile. He tried to affix her gaze towards Mikasa but no, she was having none of that.

“Mama,” Carla spoke, observing the walking pedestrians when their car halted on a crossing lane.

“Yes?” And it should be a perfect place to discuss the cold war that has ensued since last week.

“Can I have it?”

“Can you have _what?_ ”

“Papa said I can’t have it but I wish you’d say I can.”

Is she talking about the damned kitten now? 

They moved through the busy streets, occasionally stopping by several traffic lights as she waited for Carla to further expound what on earth she was rambling about. The weather was nice, much to her relief. She wouldn’t find it pretty much favorable if the sky itself roars in anger alongside the brewing storm that has never ceased inside of her. She’d feel shittier than normal. 

Or if there’s normalcy to how you should react when your husband just confessed his cheating ass, regardless, she felt shitty.

“The red scarf that Papa was holding last night looked very pretty, I wish I can have it.”

If she was the kind who laughs at the silliest things, she’d probably hurt her sides due to amusement. Everybody knows that he’s shit at being romantic. He sure learned to reduce his temperamental problems and has learned to be a little bit compassionate, but him trying to be sentimental for trying to win her over is ludicrous, no way will she ever be convinced.

“There’s a story behind it, he said. That’s how Eri and I were made.”

There wasn’t even a single traffic light until another few turns down the blocks. Though the unmoving cars stuck in traffic had her cursing inside her mind, she still maintained her straight face—devoid of any hint of aggravation to everyone and everything in general.

“That was torn and ugly, Carla. You don’t want to wear it.” She might as well bring this conversation to an end, but her curiosity was so powerful, she could hardly maneuver the steering wheel without tingling in anticipation.

“No, I do. And it wasn’t ugly, Mama.” She pouted as she looked at her with sharp eyes. 

“Hmm. It isn't? But your Papa was right, you can’t have it.”

“Why not? I may be small right now but when I grow up, I want to have babies, too! You can’t _not_ give it to me!” She was on the verge of crying.

Mikasa squeezed the steering wheel, resisting the forceful smile that was gradually coming her way. Her eyes darted somewhere but Carla’s because for all she knows, her winsome face might actually ensnare her.  

The skies were bright and blue, the yellows and oranges are fighting their way to be visible enough for the naked eye. That reminds her. Those colors used to represent Armin. 

The red (almost maroon in color) car in front of her has started to move for a few inches, much to her dismay—and to her respite. Oh, speaking of which, she wasn't really moved by the semblance of the soft red scarf that the vehicle has manifested. Rather, she was made to recall the frustrations and disappointments that come along with the one who gave it to her.

“That was metaphorical.”

The honking from all the stuck vehicles has her mentally cursing. Those inconsiderate scumbags should know that everybody’s stuck in inconvenience as well.

“What’s metalforkal?”

The conversation went on; Carla trying to devise all kinds of challenges to create an opportunity for her to obtain the scarf, Mikasa giving a few pauses to think and calm the girl down because her energy was radiating, it almost escaped the constricted vehicle. The loathsome traffic has finally shrunk, allowing her to save her ears from all the constant babbling.

“Mama! You should come home early!” She kissed her cheek goodbye, waving as soon as she stepped out of the car and standing near the empty lot served as a parking space in front of the kindergarten.

“I can’t promi—”

“You can’t be late! Goodbye!” 

Mikasa watched Carla enter the main gate with a jumpy sway on her walk. She encountered a few of her friends as she exchanged grins with them. She disappeared after waving a little bit enthusiastically as other students continued to enter the building.

When has Carla learned to interject when someone’s talking? Mikasa shook her head, heaving a sigh in frustration.

 

* * *

 

She really has no reason to delay all the work that Levi has left her so she shouldn't allow herself to be distracted. However, it’s still a pathetic excuse to avoid Eren at all cost. Mikasa might as well put all kinds of warning tapes to convey her boundaries without saying a word. And she knew he understood what she needed yet he would never understand what it feels like to be cheated on.

What did she ever do to deserve this? All she did was protect her family, work for their future, love, trust and maybe nag and worry a little way too much but still, it would never suffice for how Eren made her feel like. It made her feel like a total shit. She would never get what was wrong about her. Even if she asked him, he’d never tell anything that would possibly break his path towards her heart again. After all, he was asking for a second chance.

Taking her heart again, he could do all that. For unloving him is next to impossible, it’s like asking a cripple to run or whispering a deaf person to yell. He could smother her with all his bone melting touches and she will probably give-in. But all that matters now is respect. That’s the least he could offer. It would probably take a very long time for him to retrieve her trust again, for giving what he seeks for is like trying all the rides in an amusement park despite having a tremendous amount of fear of heights. It may not properly break you, but internally, you’re screaming, begging to be saved because it might drown your heart and slowly, you’ll slip away. So instead of having her heart, there’d be nothing left of her.

Why is it such a tragedy to feel so much and can’t be able to do anything about it?

Mikasa held her breathe, staring at the afternoon sun that seemed to have been consoling her. But nothing could make her feel better. Not the gleaming light passing through the thin glass window of Levi’s office, not the comfortable huge chair that’s way too big for Levi’s build, not the restrained noises from the lively city, not even the beautiful skyscrapers that she never had a proper view acquired from her own office. If she were feeling better, this would be such a relief. If she were feeling better, she’d ache to go home and spend time with her small family right now.

But she isn’t. She doesn’t think she’ll ever be.

“Mikasa? Are you alright?”

Despite feeling otherwise, Mikasa nodded her head, assuring the worried secretary who doesn’t seem to buy it. Petra shrugged, walking a few steps forward to place another pile of paperworks for Mikasa to handle.

Petra eyed her, a little perturbed. “Tell me if you need some help?”

“I’m okay, I’ll be quick with these.”

“I don’t think you should be working this much, Mikasa. You look like you’d faint anytime soon.”

“I had a long rest last night. You really don’t need to worry.”

Petra scrutinized her for a brief second, looking like she was about to argue. She sighed, prompting Mikasa to glance her way. 

“If you say so.” she withdrew.

As soon as the door shut with a soft _click_ , Mikasa decided to be immersed with the tower of files on the table. These were all the warning signs of the worst case predicament. Levi has another weeks left before he comes back. It’s probably a good thing. This abundance of workload—excess, even— would supposedly bring a tidal wave of stress and inconvenience, but instead, it has become some sort of a rescue.

Away from everything.

Away from him.

How awful it is to run away from someone who is supposed to be your shelter.

 

* * *

 

It was about an hour of tedious work after Petra has managed to convince her that she badly needed a little rest. Mikasa couldn’t really blame her. After all, her face must have given away all her sorrow and unspoken dilemma. Leaning down Levi’s soft chair was remarkably comfortable, she knew he wouldn’t have the time to whine about how she invaded the terrible solace of his property.

She was starting to slip into her unconscious to regain her somewhat deteriorating composure but there were insistent knocks on the other side of the door. 

It wasn’t Petra. Her knocks are soft and silent and she was always careful. She spent almost the entire day trying to make her feel comfortable and rested. There’s  no reason for her to disturb her like this.

Mikasa sighed, followed by the familiar soft knock. The door creaked open, revealing Petra with an apologetic smile. The door swung further, showing another person behind Petra.

“I couldn’t stop her.” Petra sighed in defeat.

Mikasa sat straight, taking another second to make sure that she wasn’t seeing things. The grinning woman with short dark hair indeed looked unstoppable. Her doe-like eyes didn’t stain her somewhat intimidating persona. 

She wasn’t used to be intimidating, though. What happened?

“Mikasa!” She gasped, almost running across the office in excitement. “I searched for you this whole time!”

“S-sasha, you’re…” Mikasa managed a smile, thrilled at seeing her long-time friend.

“She waited at your office for hours.” Petra stated before leaving the office, “Well then, you might as well find another time to retrieve your sleep.”

“You’re here.” Mikasa muttered, eyeing Sasha who was then seated in front of her desk, fawning at her in delight.

“We’re migrating back here! Connie and I realized that the kids couldn’t live in such a secluded place left for hunting in the mountains. I was opposed at the idea at first. I wanted my kids to experience such fun times as my childhood. Good ol’ days, but hey, Connie can’t stand hearing them with an accent, I mean— he loves me and my accent and the place where I came from but well,” Sasha paused, looking unexhausted from speaking so fast, “well, we realized they’d fit in the city as early as now. We won’t be having any of our children crying because somebody made fun of their background as mountain people.” 

Sasha talks so much. But anyhow, that didn’t hinder any growing friendship they had back in high school and was developed more during college. She went on, talking about how Mikasa never changed except for her slightly short hair, how she decided to contact her again, and how she actually managed to find her.

“Jean, of course! I know he’d know!” She winked, smirking.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, old feelings never fade.”

“Are you seriously making a couple out of Jean and I?”

“I never said that.” She giggled, “I just remembered! You married Eren. And you _had_ kids with him, too.” 

Why does it sound so much like a terrifying past tense? Mikasa nodded her head, disturbed by the thought of Eren. Today was supposed to divert her away from everything about him, and Sasha just had to come up with all sorts of trigger.

And to think that Sasha was trying to dig up the past—particularly some one-sided feeling that Mikasa assumed was now buried out of nowhere— wasn’t even surprising. However, Sasha forgetting about Mikasa’s marriage with Eren was probably part of her nature— a partial air-head.

“Hey, if you weren’t so busy and sleep-deprived, we could talk somewhere cozy and with plenty of food.”

“Levi’s office is cozy.”

“Yeah, it is. And speaking of which…” she glanced around the room. Then, her eyes laid on Levi’s name engraved on the glass desk plate, confusion settling on her feature.

“He’s not around.” Mikasa paused looking at the files around her. She really needed to occupy herself with something. Perhaps catching up with Sasha for a day would considerably be of great help. Or would it? “Actually, we can. Come on.”

 

* * *

 

“You should have called.” Mikasa muttered, unloading herself and Sasha out of the car. 

They walked together towards a coffee shop. Mikasa made sure that it wasn’t too grand. She wasn’t really concerned with money but with Sasha’s food intake, she’s worried about her friend’s uncontrolled financial expenses.

“Nobody’s got your number, Mikasa.” 

Mikasa gave her a blank stare. “There are other ways, though.”

“Yeah, like Facebook? Twitter? Instagram? Bet you don’t have one.” Sasha swiveled her way inside the cozy cafe.

Mikasa followed. The rich scent of various kinds of coffee beans penetrated her body. Indeed, she might as well find another time to retrieve her sleep for the inviting setting seems impossible to decline.

She eyed her surroundings, searching for a familiar face that she could get around with. Sasha made her way to the nearest vacant table for two. It was located right next to the glass walls where they could easily see the people outside.

“And it’s not like I never searched for your name online.”

“Did you try Google?”

Sasha froze, then shrugged away in hesitance. “What? You got a wikipedia page or something? Or articles about your company…” 

The last sentence wasn’t even a question. She trailed off, gasping in realization.

“But hey, even if you have one, it’s not like you’re going to reveal your own address.”

“We have an email ad for our company.”

“Look, the point is, I’m here… and you’re here. And we gotta hang out with each other. I’ve assumed that you’ve become wickedly busy and yeah… guess you won’t even bat an eyelash towards an insignificant e-mail from an unrecognizable name.”

Mikasa looked at her, heaving a sigh of indifference. She sat across Sasha, examining the varnished wooden table that seemed to smell like caffeine itself.

Mikasa looked at her straight in the eye as she muttered, “You have a point.”

True as it may be, Sasha’s email would have only be considered insignificant out of all the hundred filtered company crisis that Mikasa has to face in a span of just a few days since Levis’ departure.

Sasha perched her hands on her chin, smiling. “I know better.”

For almost two hours, Sasha did most of the talking with her idea of _catching-up,_ and she didn’t seem to mind. She talked about her family; how they managed to find a house, how excited the kids were with their new neighbors and school, how they prepared for their expenses during their stay in the city, how Connie’s got in contact with Jean through their jobs, how she was going to lots of hiring interviews for the next few days.

“It’s almost fun! Not until you come home and see the packed and unpacked boxes all over the house with toddlers running around knocking everything off.”

Their coffees have become less appealing. Crumbs of pastries, however, were out of sight. When Sasha took another second to check all the other sweets in store, Mikasa stared through the glass walls, peering through the people coming to and fro the street. Passersby were smart enough to not examine their reflection through the said window.

“Guess where I am.”

A voice thick with an accent so odd and offbeat—words jumbled and over-pronounced— rang her ears. Mikasa couldn’t figure out the language that was spoken afterwards as it was spoken so fastly and heedlessly. She almost got carried away by the indistinctive one-sided conversation that has her almost furrowing her brows in perplexity.

A high-pitched laugh emerged for a second. As much as Mikasa refuses to pry a little way too much, she figured she didn’t have anything to do with unwanted information despite her curiosity on the particular language.

“So, have you found that Eren guy?”

Mikasa froze, her heart throbbed uncomfortably, it’s almost ridiculous for her to be so damn affected by her guts and groundless hunches.

Eren in Russia a few weeks ago, no, Eren fucking another woman in Russia a few weeks ago—a Russian woman, perhaps?— an accent so thick and unusual…

Mikasa turned her head, catching a glimpse at the seemingly overenthusiastic lady who kept on giggling and craning her head backwards as she laughed and spoke through the phone.

Mikasa wasn’t so sure how looking at the back side of her head did so much help upon making her feel like everything finally makes so much sense.

Now, everything makes perfect sense.

Sasha was back a few minutes later. A waiter placed another set of pastries of different kinds, and Mikasa couldn’t help wondering whether or not Sasha has ever experienced passing out due to excessive food consumption. Is that even a thing?

Mikasa noticed the dying conversation from the other table for the woman seemed to keep her voice intentionally low. When she turned to look at her in discreet, the woman was no longer seated on the same place as before. Instead, she was settled right across another table, facing her. 

Their eyes met. She was toying with her short wavy light brown hair as she clutched her phone near her ears, looking at Mikasa with half-lidded eyes as if she was trying to scrutinize her in less than a _subtle_ way.  Mikasa bit down a stare as the woman refused to withdraw. She then smiled, waving slightly—sinisterly. 

Now she seemed like she knew Mikasa. Or was Mikasa just overthinking way too much?

She returned a smile. It wasn’t mellow nor was it friendly. It was like she’s accepted an implicit challenge that almost felt like she’s the one who has come to set it up herself.

“Is she your friend?” Sasha grabbed her attention away, munching a forkful of a wondrously decorated parfait. 

“No.” She replied flatly, embedding the woman’s face in her mind.

Sasha didn’t seem to hear her answer, nor did she even care. She continued on consuming her dessert as the quiet has settled between them for quite sometime. Well, apart from the occasional contact of utensils, the _catching up_ with one another has long deteriorated.

Mikasa checked her phone, anticipating a message from Petra either about to enjoy her time with Sasha or a fair reminder that she needed to go back at the office or an emergency meeting at such an inconvenient time of the day.

There was no message from her.

Instead, she saw Eren’s name on her lock screen along with a “ _Mikasa, can I call you?”._

She was about to put away her phone—about to ignore him and make him feel like she wasn’t okay. They weren’t okay. He can’t fix it, yet she’s more than willing to set aside her exasperation for the sake of her family. Right now, though, it feels so raw. So painful. And she _still_ can’t. She can’t be willing to just fix this and ignore everything just yet. 

Mikasa knew better. Nonetheless, she sent him a single word that must have sparked his hopes up. She felt it. The spark that has nothing to do with forgiveness

…though nothing but love.

_Okay._

Mikasa excused herself from Sasha who just gave a thumbs up as she whispered, “Tell him my regards!”

She smiled as she left, she didn’t really want to discuss anything with Eren in front of anyone. Not with their situation, at least. Making her way past the woman who averted her gaze as she passed by, she exited the place and stood just in front of the cafe.

“Mikasa.” 

He sounded uncertain. Like he’s memorized all what he needed to say but he was suddenly lost for an instant. His sharp breathe indicated that he was nervous, Mikasa almost believed that he'd hung up anytime soon.

Much to her dismay, she felt the need to hear him more. She didn’t want to talk to him but just listening to his voice like this surprisingly hasn’t stirred her fury.

“Mikasa.” He repeated her name, searching for confirmation that she was still there listening.

“I’m here.” She paused, “What is it?”

“Can I come over?”

Goodness. Eren sounded like a teenage boy who wanted to smash right after finding out that his girlfriend’s parents aren’t at home.

“I mean… can I see you? Can I go there?”

She fell silent, thinking about what he did have in mind. 

“Eren,” 

His name sounded new on her tongue, it almost felt foreign.

“Petra told me you didn’t look very good today and… are you still with Sasha? Mikasa, you might fall ill, you can’t just _not_ be okay and then go outside as if you are _._ ”

Oh, so he was monitoring her through Petra. Seems fair. Since he can’t talk to her directly, he just have to dig up everything from somebody who happens to work alongside her. Should she be moved, though? 

“It’s okay. You’re not obliged to come.” She lowered her voice, unsure of the venom coating her next words. “I don’t want to see you, anyway.”

There was a beat of silence. Then, another. She had time to observe the people who have lightly brushed past her, the horn honking in a distant, the green leaves that has perched themselves proudly as they refused to be blown by the humid wind.

“I know.” He spoke. 

She heard nothing from him for a few seconds, she almost concluded that he might have dropped the call. She sighed, ready to put her phone away.

“But I do. I want to see you.” His voice was husky. His tone was exceptionally low and deterred yet his message said otherwise.

“Don’t you have anything else to do?” 

“Nothing. I’ve set my priorities straight.”

She almost laughed at that. He’s set his priorities straight yet he couldn’t keep his zipper locked in the midst of temptation. Nice try, though.

“That’s a good humor, it makes me want to use that as reference for harassing you in the future.”

A loud sigh escaped from him. That was a really strained conversation. After almost a week they finally had a real and proper exchange in words. 

The venom in her tongue was still prickly. She wanted to tell him more, hurt him, taunt him. Perhaps it was easier to do it through the phone. She can’t see his pain, he can’t see her fury. Must have been a win-win situation, really. For facing him would just make her waver inside her harmful thoughts and her burdensome agony. 

Why must they come into this kind of situation?

“I wish I could talk to you at home. Our daughter can’t see us like this.”

“Eren, you should have thought about this when you first decided to strip and _do_ that woma—.”

“Mikasa, I can’t have you sulking about this forever. You know that we’ll get through this, right? I don’t want to lose my family just because… of something so unimportant as this.”

Mikasa bit her tongue, contemplating whether she needed to go somewhere quiet and be a little discreet about what she was about to say.

“So you think I shouldn’t make a big deal out of this. Is that what you’re trying to say?” Mikasa avoided any eye contact from all the passersby who must have understood what exactly she was talking about. He hasn’t said anything. Holding back a scream, she still continued to speak, “Eren, was it on purpose?”

“What?”

“Did you plan on cheating and hurting me intentionally?”

“Mikasa, no!” He groaned in frustration. Mikasa could imagine him grabbing his hair in hopelessness. “Let me see you. Just this once, please listen to what I say.”

“I’ve always listened, Eren. Never once did I ever falter in believing your words.” Mikasa swallowed, there was an uncomfortable lump in her throat that was desperately gnawing its way out of her eyes in the form of tears. “See you at home.”

The call dropped. She heaved heavy deep sighs and left all her troubles outside. Mikasa went back to Sasha who gave a nervous smile as she waited eagerly with several paper bags placed on the table.

“It looked very serious. I-Is everything okay?” Sasha said, a little tensed because of Mikasa’s demeanor, probably.

“I need to go back to the office.”

Mikasa offered to pay for the bill but Sasha—as happy and thankful she was for the offer—insisted that she has already paid for everything while Mikasa was gone. Realizing that she’s yet to find a reliable income, and mumbling incoherently about Connie's possible complaint for today's expenses, Sasha has gone all rigid for a moment.

“It was food! It’s not like I was spending on something stupid. Food isn’t stupid.” Sasha brushed all her worries away as she smiled, “And it’s not like you wouldn’t let me in your company when I got nowhere else to work at, Mikasa!”

 

* * *

 

 

Mikasa came back to a very unusual sight inside Levi’s office. She found Eren on Levi’s chair, drumming his fingers one by one as his other hand was perched on his chin. He looked at her with a stiff smile.

“Am I invading someone's privacy?”

“You don’t belong here.” Mikasa was pissed. Very pissed. Nonetheless, she was amused at the fact that Eren finally was able to step foot inside Levi’s office out of a very few instances that he was allowed to enter. “Why did Petra let you in?”

This is the CEO’s office, for goodness sake. Not even a relative’s spouse could hang out alone, not to mention the lack of approval from Petra, at least. 

See, everybody knew how meticulous and skeptical Levi can get. He should have made his office strictly unaccessible while he's gone. He should have transferred all the workloads to Mikasa's own office. He shouldn't have been so lax and unworried about the confidential materials inside. Still, here they are. This isn't some place reserved for unimportant matters—for marital arguments and stupid discussions about cheating and betrayal— that Mikasa assumed was about to take place sooner or later.

Mikasa blinked. She can see the pain in his eyes for a good two-seconds. Suddenly, Petra emerged from one of the shelves on her side, casting a small smile.

“He just arrived, Mikasa.”

Petra pulled out two books at once, one of which Mikasa recognized as her own report. Petra bid her farewell as she slid out of the room, leaving the both of them behind.

Mikasa eyed where she just vanished out of sight. Could they… The two of them? In here?

“Hey, you can’t possibly be—” Eren trailed off, backing out when she shot him a glare.

This is what she's been dreading for; being face to face with him with heightened up anger which seemed to have been seeping her sanity until resistance becomes futile.

“Are you serious!?” He spat, standing up and making her way towards her. 

“Stop right there.” She said firmly. “This is all your fault. You’ve gotten so untrustworthy, even I was having insane thoughts about people around you.”

“Mikasa, I am not a man whore. I don’t fuck every woman I meet!” He almost snapped, rooted at the same spot where Mikasa halted him.

She’s ought not to accuse people especially those who have dedicated their lives and passion under their company for a very long time. She didn’t want to be a paranoid wife who accuses almost everyone in hindsight. This is just too much to handle. She has been toyed with pretty badly. Her ego was all but trampled upon, she might as well feed herself with even more dangerous thoughts and allow herself to be derailed from her rationality and just do nothing but to condone her actions.

Mikasa fell silent as she chose her words carefully. At this moment, it was almost impossible to be calm. However, she wasn’t like him. She’s trying to scoff at him without losing her cool all the while refusing to let her rage devour her.

“You know that I’m not like that. Please.” 

Eren’s plea was a muted sound of agony that she has surprisingly discerned. He moved, testing whether she’d freak out. One step turned into two, and then followed by another, and another.

“Mikasa.” He whispered her name as he moved to touch her shoulder, only for his hand to be slapped away.

She looked up at him, the lump in her throat has started to pave its way in. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

Next thing she knew, her face was being cupped by his big and clammy hands. She felt so little, so delicate on his calloused skin. She doubted if she could handle it any longer, object to giving in and not falling under his lies up until he says everything out of pure conscience.

“Stop.” She said ever so faintly, she almost didn’t hear her own voice. “Eren, stop.” But as she kept on speaking, her voice quivered in despair, she felt herself withholding her tears as she stared unblinkingly at the pair of green eyes that she had been missing for a week now.

He pulled her into a tight embrace their torsos almost crushed. This is so like Eren—impulsive, careless, persistent. And here she was, letting her tears fall as she nuzzled his neck in hesitance, her arms finding a way to hug him back. But she didn’t. Not yet.

“I risked everything to tell you that myself. I didn’t want to live a life full of lies, Mikasa. I’ve suffered a whole week not being able to talk to you, not being able to touch you. I couldn’t even look at your face without feeling guilty.” His hand was on the small of her back, the other one was raking her hair. “I missed you so fucking much, it hurts. I don’t want to feel so distant from you ever again. Please, I’m begging you, give me another chance.”

Mikasa squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the rivers of tears pooling on the surface of his clothing. She tried to conceal her muffled sobs, shaking her head as her arms hit his sides. She punched and slapped the area where she found every access.

Weary. She was too weary to find her voice just to tell him how much of a fucking asshole he was.

“Please forgive me. This is the first and last time.”

She heard his voice falter as well. It felt like he too was holding back his tears while embracing her for dear life. Like his life depended on her. Like he needed her so bad.

They parted, and she wished they didn’t. She must have looked like a mess, and it’s all because of him. She didn't want him to see her grief. 

Her arms fell on her sides, rigid and unmoved as she dared to stare back at the eyes that always reminded her of the most beautiful treasure she's ever seen.

Turns out, he had tears in his eyes, too. His nose and cheeks were red, his hands trembled as he held her again on her face.

“Wh-What was… wrong with me?” She felt so foolish and desperate for asking such question.

Eren shook his head, smiling, “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong with you, Mikasa. You’re more than perfect.”

“Still…” she spoke, her tears spilling from her eyes again. “Why did you do that?”

And his voice turned desperate, “I don’t know.”

It would be unreasonable to be convinced by just that. He didn’t know. Why the hell didn’t he know? Was it on instinct? Was he totally entranced by that woman? Did he have a short-term memory loss which made him forget about having a wife? A family?

It’s not right to _not_ forgive. She can see the sincerity in him and indeed, it wasn’t hard for her to give in. And so as he said his next words, full of pain and longing and affection in one, she can’t even tell if she suited the role of a martyr:

“But all I know is that I need to get you back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this fic is over a year old now. And.. we've reached over 4k hits and a hundred kudo. I never would've thought. Sml. For those who've reached here far enough, I appreciate your love (or hatred, idk why you're even here) for this story. Thank you so much!!!
> 
> PS: (SPOILER WARNING) Sasha's (brief) intimidating persona was based off on her new appearance in the newest chapter in the manga. Oops.


End file.
